Birthday parties have changed since I was a kid!

Birthday parties are getting out of control! What happened to pin-the-tail on the donkey and having cake and ice cream for five or ten kids? If we keep this up, we are going to be renting grand ballrooms for our kids 12th and flying them to the moon by the time they are 16!

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I agree w/ you totally. I grew up in Queens and then moved to Long Island, NY. The birthday parties have become a bit ridiculous and it's gotten to the point that since our children are invited to these things, they want them too so how could you say "no". It's almost become a competition that starts in preschool! I wish things went back to the way they were; celebrate w/ your family and maybe have one or two friends along.

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I think that the birthday parties people have now a days are ridiculous!!!! I went to a 5 year olds party last month and they had a circus theme. There were 2 ponies, a bounce house, an animal show, a juggler, a balloon guy, a magician, and it goes on. If this is what happens at 5, what are you going to do for future birthdays. Then we wonder why kids seem so spoiled, and are never satisified. This isn't the childs doing, it's their parents doing!!! We need to go back to the NORMAL way for celebrating a birthday with pizza, cake and a few games. Then the child isn't overwhelmed, and neither are the parents.

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My thoughts EXACTLY! My son is 3 - that's THREE! He is being invited to these birthday extravaganzas that are insane! I don't even remember my 3rd or 4th birthday! And what is up with not opening presents in front of everyone? Yes, at a wedding it is rude, but these are KIDS - they live for this! It's sad - I see moms who stress about being able to afford the party that will keep up with the Jones' and it's not necessary. As my mom always says, "people don't remember the food, the band or even the venue....they remember whether or not they had a good time".

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The only way it's going to go back to the old, normal way is if people like us stop buying into the "gotta have more" mentality. The birthday parties (and holidays, too, for that matter) are no longer about celebrating/remembering a special person, day, or event, they are now about materialism and "how much stuff can I amass?"

Not only is it breaking the bank of the parents, it is setting a dangerous precedent for the kids.

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Administration you it is simple good fellows! I love you!

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The truth is that some parents are in competion with eachother, some people just feel like they have to keep up with the 'JONES', or outdo the other. My children always had their party's at home with just ice cream and cake and some snacks and games. My kids never gave me a hard time because they know they are loved and respected. Plus, we never spoiled them or overbought material things. You have to raise your kids to have respect and not to expect more. Your kids will be happier in the long run.

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Is it also true that schools are requiring kids to invite their whole class when they have a birthday party? The rationale - that the school doesn't want anyone left out or playing favorites.

I've heard rumors, but I'm not sure it's an urban legend or not. If it's true, it seems like it's another bad precedent to start. Not letting the child choose his own friends AND essentially requiring the host parent to pay two or three times (at least) what the original budget was.

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no, you can't keep up with the jones' and you shouldn't try..a child's birthday is special no matter what you do for them..most children should know their birthday is a special day whether you celebrate by having a house party or renting out a hall and making it an extravaganza..it is about the child and no one else..it is up to the parent to know their limitations and not make it such a competition.

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My nephew's birthday parties cost more than my annual rent. It's a little out of control, and to save my sanity, we've started to be busy that day. Yes, my girls miss out on the clowns, jugglers, puppet shows and pony rides, but they also don't get a sense that this is in any way normal or appropriate.

For my kids, birthday parties don't start until you're a whole hand--5 years old. You're allowed to invite as many children as you are old (but we'll cap it at 10). Mommy doesn't buy presents--the party is your present. While I refuse to go over the top with the party, I do prefer the no fuss, no muss of an off site location. Because I've done the pin the tail on the donkey party in the rec room, and frankly, I just didn't enjoy it. It was waaay too much hassle for me.

As to not opening presents onsite, I disagree with the statement that kids live for this. I think parents live for this, as it can become another aspect of the "keeping up with the Joneses" competitive birthday party mentality--gotta give the best gift. Kids will get whipped into a frenzy over the presents if you encourage it, but if you don't, they hardly notice. Leaving the presents for later also takes the focus off of the gift grab and puts in onto spending time with friends. And finally, when you open the presents later, you don't run into the embarrassing scenario of little M'Kayla thrumming with excitement over the Bratz doll her mom bought for your daughter, only to be crushed and confused when your daughter, upon opening it, exclaims: "I'm not allowed to have this!" and then gives a detailed reason as to why. Not fun, that. (although funny in retrospect.)

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When I was growing up, I didn't have a "party" every year. It wasn't like we couldn't afford it. My parents both had good jobs. My mom just didn't believe in making people feel obligated to buy us something every year. We had "parties" for certain birthdays, such as 7, 10, 13, 16 and 18. I think that's it. The rest of the time, it was cake with family or a movie w/ a friend etc...
I feel the same way now that I'm older with a 16 y.o. son. He's an only child, but not spoiled. I'm a married RN, but I do not believe in giving into his every desire. $150 shoes...no. A car...not until he gets a job and pays for the insurance and gas.
And what's with Christmas?? It really annoys and disturbs me how people spend hundreds and MORE on each kid, but buy a $15 toy for poor kids....if that. It's disgusting. Last year.....well, I did my part. Step up people. It's not all about US.

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I don't have a lot of experience with this, but the one i have been to recently was fun. there was a band that played keeping the kids entertained for 30 or so minutes. They were dancing and having a good time. Then birthday cake and ice cream and we were done. i thought it was awsome. I had a nice time and my 10 month old did as well. Plus (and this sounds cheap) there was NO GIFT GIVING. It was great. All we had to do was show up and have fun. I hate giving gifts to kids I barely know because who knows what they have or like and it just ends up being kind of stressful.

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it's pretty clear that many parents are appalled by the "conspicuous consumption" involved in these kiddie affairs.

Stopping participation is a great start. Going to an activity in a park is reasonable....playing a game with balls, bats etc is reasonable but the emphasis should be on the playing with friends not the gifts or showing off. I have always given books as gifts and left the barbies and action figures and the vidoe stuff out because I never liked these choices. Over the years, my kids have been quite content with a dinner for a few close friends instead of a costly project. Making the event special is simple..cook a spoecial menue, play special music, focus on the friendship and remembrance of the event. Include the parents too.

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You can't be the old fogey of this crowd, Rachel; I already hold the title.

I know I had simple birthday parties when I was quite young and I've continued with that. We have cake and ice cream and tell their closest friends to come over and share. If I'm feeling wealthy we splurge on party hats and balloons. No gifts necessary.

I take the birthday girl out for a meal with Grandma on the closest weekend and then she gets to shop for her own present (with a price limit). She picks up a trinket for each of her sisters at the same time.

Not for everybody but it works for us.

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We had one of these yesterday. It was the first time we did a "big" party for my oldest son. He'd been to a lot of parties at the same venue lately and had his heart set on having his party there. It was expensive, but he was happy so it was worth it. But I can guarantee we won't be doing that every year. It's just too much. (Oh, and we had him open the presents there)

When I was younger, we got parties at 5, 10, 16 and 18. The other years it was one or two friends over for a sleepover kind of deal. And that was just fine by me.

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I'm 40 years old and have never had a birthday party, beyond the family meal-based celebration. My birthday is in January, which was deemed "inconvenient" for having the typical kid party. I think the last time I had a cake was about 15 years ago.

My son had his first birthday this year and we had a very nice party with a lot of friends. We asked for no gifts, which was respected by about half of the people we invited. It was more of an adult party, to celebrate our survival of the first year as parents, though there were a few of his school friends there and I think everyone had a good time. We didn't rent or hire anything.

As he gets older I expect we will be sucked in to the birthday party establishment where we are. The stories I am hearing from other parents sound a lot like what is in these comments. I hope we can keep things fairly simple, but my kid is not going to grow up without birthday parties.

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Birthday parties today have become a National Event. I'm all for giving my children a good time but not to the point that I have to take out a second mortgage. My husband and I give three or four presents, invite grandparents over and have pizza and cake and ice cream. It's a family party. We don't open presents until the end of the party and everyone gets to watch. Not opening presents is ridiculous. If they want to invite a couple friends I will take them to a movie on the weekend or have a sleepover.

My friend told me her nephews party had a DJ and all the kids that showed up just gave him money. He bank rolled in $300.00.

Keep it simple and don't feel like you have to give in to your child's every want or your every want. The child will have a great time and the excitement of just knowing it's their birthday is 90% of the fun.

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I think it's crazy with all the money spent now a days. I am only 24 and remember quite a bit about my birthdays. They were never more then a sleep over with friends and it was the time of my life. I see these sweet 16 parties on MTV and it really makes me sick. Especially the way the kids just expect that this is what is supposed to be done. It's all about them. I think we need to come back to days when birthday parties where not a production. It does however reflect our society today.

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Uhh, well...my sister and I have always had normal birthday parties I guess...I don't really know what normal is though. We are both invited to birthday parties all the time. Well not me so much because I'm 17 now and kids my age don't really have birthday parties anymore.
I've never heard of a birthday party where the child doesn't open their presents there. I think that's weird and that's never been the case at any birthday party me OR my sister have been to. We both have always just invited kids over and played games and such. The kids have tons and tons of fun.
I've never been to a "birthday extravaganza" as some of you have mentioned, though I have been to over 20 birthday parties. I don't think many people have these super birthdays like you say they do. I don't really care what is at my party just as long as my friends are there.
When I have a kid, hopefully not for a LONG long time, I will try to teach him or her that it is not important to have tons and tons of things at their party and the people are what is important. Of course I will try to set up a nice party for them: decorations, cake, activities, etc. But those things are still not important to me. I just like hanging out with my friends and family.

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I think that school rule holds only if you pass out invitations in school rather than over the phone or mail. I can totally understand that; I've seen too many heartbroken left-out kids standing alone while others chattered over a cool invitation that was passed out right in front of him or her. Many schools have outlawed invitation-passing during school hours and I'm all for it. If you want a select group at your party, send the invitations through the mail. Don't pass them out at school where other children will not get one and know they're not wanted.

Don't get me wrong; I understand wanting only a select few at your party. There's nothing wrong with that. Just don't bring the invitations to school and turn it into a you, you, not you, you, not you either, thing.

I don't think any school should allow any kind of invitation to a non-school function to be passed out at school. If a family is shelling out for a pony, a clown, and a rented hall, they can surely shell out for a few stamps. Otherwise, I can only assume that the family doesn't give a rip about the feelings of the left-out children.

Yes, we all need to learn that we are not included in everything, and that there are people who do not care enough about us to want us at their party, but do we as parents really want to be the ones who teach a little child that he/she isn't welcome?

Send your invitations through the mail, or use the phone. Email. Just don't bring them to school and expect to pass them out to the select few. Not in my classrooms, anyway.

Horrible.

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