Another mother told to cover her breastfeeding child with a blanket or leave
Categories: Pregnancy & birth, Eating & nutrition
At the same time all the controversy was heating up in Vermont with the mother who was told to cover up her breastfeeding child with a blanket or get off a Delta Airlines flight, another mother in Texas was told she couldn't breastfeed her baby at a movie theater unless she covered up with a blanket. Kimberly Barthollemew, a mother in Seguin, Texas had taken her 5-month old to see Flushed Away at the King Rancher Theater, and was asked to stop breastfeeding her kid in the ticket line and in the lobby. Barthollemew claims she was approached by an employee who told her she couldn't nurse inside the theater. She asked for a refund for her tickets, then told the theater it was violating state law, which says a mother is entitled to breastfeed in any location. The theater's manager, Rick Uhlhorn, had this to say in reply: "To me, you can breast feed any place, that's fine. They thought she should use more modesty doing that." He claimed Barthollemew was making a scene, and offending other customers and their children by not covering up. "One of the concession girls asked her to cover up with a blanket because customers were complaining," he said. Barthollemew responded, "I don't feel my baby should have to have his dinner under a hot blanket if the owner's not willing to do the same."Questions: why did this mom think it was acceptable to take a 5-month-old to a movie theater (unless this was one of those mommy-and-me screenings)? Was her whole boob hanging out? Had she read the story about the mother in Vermont and gone to the theater to try to make some kind of point or get on the news herself?
I'm going to play the devil's advocate here and ask if some breastfeeding mothers/ lactivists sometimes feel the need to "make a point" by breastfeeding in a way that will make the squeamish douchebags uncomfortable, just so they can express their indignation and make a scene, kind of a "it's great, we lactate, get used to it," kind of thing? I'm not saying that's what Barthollemew did, but if it were, do even the most breastfeeding-positive people need to support such antics? In my opinion, that kind of behavior hurts the cause. Common sense and moderation will always win, and discretion, when possible, never hurts.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
LB 11-21-2006 @ 1:21PM
JD. why bother to play devil's advocate here? Why even give these these prudes any weight at all? Yes even IF a woman has her boobs hanging out, DONT FREEKIN' look. Why do they care?
One person's modesty is another person's exhibitionsism. Don't forget we live on a planet where many people think it obscene to see a woman HAIR. You are never going to reach a consensus of what moderation is. So if people would just mind their mind your own bee's wax not look at the woman breastfeeding, OR wearing an "I'm horny" T shirt or burqua and get on with their own lives!
FWIW I live in a major metro area I nursed 3 kids and I have been in TONS of of places with babies and I have NEV AIR seen an exposed breast. There are next to no women doing that and I suspect that the stories that suggest it's somewhat common are either urban myths or someone's distored view of what appropritae exposure is. Or maybe I never saw it is because I was minding my own biz and not waiting around to get a flash of flesh.
SIGH but who am I to argue for self-control when I'm ready to strangle these idoits on this issue, LOL.
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Tara 11-21-2006 @ 1:22PM
To answer your questions:
Q: why did this mom think it was acceptable to take a 5-month-old to a movie theater
A: What on earth does that have to do with anything?
Q: Was her whole boob hanging out?*
A: What on earth does that have to do with anything?
Q: Had she read the story about the mother in Vermont and gone to the theater to try to make some kind of point or get on the news herself?
A: What on earth does that have to do with anything?
I'm sure that there are some mothers who breastfeed to "make a point", but doesn't that speak more to the society we live in? That the point has not been adequately made that breasts are for feeding babies?
I breastfeed my son in public when he's hungry. If there is an out of the way chair or something, I will choose it for comfort. If not, I will feed him when and where I am. I will not use a blanket but between my head and his shirt, you would have to be REALLY TRYING in order to see any skin. This is almost always the case when breastfeeding.
*Kind of a crass question, isn't it J.D.?
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May 11-21-2006 @ 1:28PM
I don't feel that breastfeeding moms would feel the need to "make a point" so often if it wasn't brought up as an issue that others make a point to put down, sneer at, etc. Why would breastfeeding be considered "making a scene"? Unless, of course, the mother was nursing her child while screaming loudly and maybe squirting people with a water gun. This scene could also be caused by a mother bottle-feeding her child, though.
I guess my point is if people were more accepting of a mother nursing her baby, this wouldn't be an issue. Maybe if people realized that no matter how much they complain about the woman nursing her child in the movie line or in the lobby or on the plane, no "official" person is going to step in and tell that woman to stop nursing or how to nurse, then maybe, just maybe, people will eventually get used to it, and it won't be such an issue.
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momma2mingbu 11-21-2006 @ 1:51PM
Q: Why did this mom think it was acceptable to take a 5-month-old to a movie theater?
A: A 5-month-old breastfed baby is very portable. They are usually not very mobile yet at that age, which means that sitting still won't be so hard for them. If mom plans the movie outing for a time the child will normally want to nurse and nap, all she has to do is latch on in a dark theatre and pretty soon she'll have a sleeping baby in her lap. I've done it before and I have to say that my 5 month old nursing baby was better behaved and much less of a distraction to movie-goers than any of the 2 year olds there to actually watch the movie.
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J.D. 11-21-2006 @ 2:11PM
christ, tara, how quickly the lactivists will turn on one of their own.
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Ginny 11-21-2006 @ 2:17PM
Sounds like she was trying to make a point to me. If that many people noticed, then I imagine she was flashin' away.
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Lauren 11-21-2006 @ 2:23PM
To answer your first question -
I am going to agree with momma2mingbu about the movies. I took Margot to quite a few movies when she was tiny because it *was* so easy. I carried her in a sling, wore a button down shirt, kept her close and actually really enjoyed myself. My husband was at work all day and I was going crazy cooped up in the house, so we would go. It saved me from many afternoons of weeping.
To be honest, I saw women with bigger purses than my new babe in her sling, and most people payed zero attention to me.
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Cecelia 11-21-2006 @ 2:35PM
Not to be contrary, but the movie was a children's movie, and therefore there were probably a lot of children in line. While I know pretty darn well to mind my own beeswax, my 2-year old isn't as socially astute. And unfortunatley for many a parent, children don't always react as they should and don't always behave the way that we want them to.
It is possible that the parents were complaining because of the fact that there were plenty of children present who don't understand that breastfeeding is perfectly normal. Even though we would like to teach our children to be respectful; its kind of hard to demand that type socially acceptable of behavior on the spot.
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Jen 11-21-2006 @ 2:35PM
I am a breastfeeding mom and although I personally feel uncomfortable nursing in public, I will do it if my baby is hungry and I have no other options - I'm not going to let my kid starve in order to keep from offending someone who believes a child should be fed with a bottle. When I do nurse in public, I do my best to cover up, but there are no guarantees you aren't going to "show off" a little "something". If this woman (or any woman for that matter) was just looking for a fight, then shame on her - but we don't know that. Mothers have the right to feed their babies - if a little skin shows, then so what? Get over it. Wake up people, THIS is what the breast was designed for....REMEMBER??? I agree discretion is best, but it's not always possible.
http://www.naturalskincaresite.com
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ikate 11-21-2006 @ 2:45PM
I second what Jen wrote. I'm a new mom and breastfeeding - I don't always feel comfortable doing it in public, but the baby's gotta eat! I've had people tell me to "use a bottle in public" and to those people I would like to invite them to try to get my daughter to take a bottle. We've been trying for 6 weeks and she just won't take anything but the breast.
I usually try to cover up (i do this for ME, not for anyone else's comfort), but sometimes I just can't juggle the baby and the boob when I'm doing it blind. If anyone has a problem with it, it's THEIR problem, not mine.
The more women who do NIP, the less reaction there will be and maybe the kids in line will learn that this is a baby's natural food.
I'd love it if the complainers about the "exposure" of NIP would make a stink to management about super-low-cut tops and thongs sticking out of someone's jeans that we see everywhere!
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J.D. 11-21-2006 @ 3:02PM
dear lactivists: I want to stress that what I wrote above assumed that she was letting her whole boob hang out to make a point. Having lived in the SF bay area, I saw this kind of thing all the time. I had no problem with it, but I definitely saw a mom once take her entire top off to breastfeed two different-aged toddlers in a rockridge baby goods store. whatever, man, I didn't mind it, but there are plenty of prudish assholes out there who would have. my point is this: why give those idiots something to gab about with their friends? I agree nursing in public is a right and should be encouraged as much as possible, but there is a difference between nursing in public and nursing in public solely to make a point or get on the news. If you know the prudes around you are going to have a problem seeing your entire breast, why show your entire breast?
and if this mother wasn't showing her entire breast, shame on everyone who got upset.
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Ethel 11-21-2006 @ 3:18PM
You know J.D., the only boobs I saw hanging out to make a point were at the Country Fair out of Eugene. And the only pair that made me look away in distress were quite large and hanging past the owner's belly button with large rings in the nipples. That, to me, was too much.
Now if she had been nursing I would have been okay with it. So strange. I know I have made a point of not covering up for the simply selfish reason that my breasts are large and with my first kid I used a nipple shield, so a cover up was not a good thing as it interferred with latching on and the process itself.
There is also a hope that I foster in my heart that I will help other moms loose some of their inhibitions. Too often I hear a mom who is 10 years younger then myself say "I just bring a bottle with me when we are in public." What a pain! I also believe that seeing moms breastfeed their babies in church as a teenager implanted the notion idea that babies should be breastfed. I hope it helps my teenage niece when she is a mom since no one in her maternal family breastfeeds. The more open we are, the less ashamed we are, the more it becomes a real option. We know breastfeeding is good for babies and moms, and we need to think about the health of our people. Why wouldn't a mom show a little boob once in a while if it helps more then herself and her baby?
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J.D. 11-21-2006 @ 3:43PM
a little boob, anyone who cares is an asshole.
an entire boob? anyone who cares is still an asshole but this gives them ammunition for the next time they want to dismiss public breastfeeding as uncouth---and if they do that around their daughters or their friends it contributes to the culture that public breastfeeding is somehow wrong.
I want public breastfeeding to be more accepted. that is why I am loathe to support any mother who does it in such a way to intentionally annoy the assholes, or just to get publicity.
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wallaby 11-21-2006 @ 4:12PM
Our three year old wanted to see Curious George last summer and we decided to take our 7 month old as well. It was a child's movie full of toddlers anyway so we figured they were all going to be really loud. He actually watched a lot of it, then I nursed him halfway through (in the movie theatre) then he wanted to crawl around out by the door so I took him to do that. He was really quiet (but we knew he would be before we went, he never cries)actually much quieter than the older kids there. We paid for a ticket for him and everything too.
I personally can't think of a time when I ever had to stand in a queue and nurse, but I have no problem with her doing that. And most of the Breastfeeding Laws from State to state say that you have the right to breastfeed anywhere you legally have the right to be anyway so - however you feel about it, and whether her boob was hanging out or not, it would seem the theatre was legally in the wrong.
(And I have never considered myself a lactivist - although I would probably join a nurse-in for a good cause if I ever heard of one near where I am ;))
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Daniel Prokosch 11-21-2006 @ 4:16PM
My wife breastfed my daughter all the time. From Airplane rides to at a sporting event hell in the middle of Hooters. I am not don't remember anyone saying anything. She used a special cover for to cover my daugher up. She also did it so it would not cause a scene. The only issue we had was there was a mall in Columbus, OH that had mommy room, however the window was looking right a the person who was breastfeeding.
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Adrienne 11-21-2006 @ 6:29PM
JD, you wrote like those crazy guys who cannot see a boob breastfeeding.
Muslim women don't go out without cover their heads. They think "discretion, when possible, never hurts". So what about to cover your head and close your mouth??
She can breastfeed anywhere BY LAW and the people around must to get a life and also to do a good thing to others and themselves like she is doing to her baby (breastfeeding) and to herself (going out to a movie).
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Bruna 11-21-2006 @ 6:46PM
If she was trying to make a point, I still can't imagine how it would "make the squeamish douchebags uncomfortable". I see a lot of Paris Hilton covers almost naked hanging out in the lobbies of theaters and I never saw nobody asking those girls to cover themselves with a blanket. Breastfeed is beautiful and health EVER.
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J.D. 11-21-2006 @ 7:26PM
Oh golly, you're right Adrienne, you won't hear any more from me, because I'm off to join the Taliban! Thanks for helping me realize that I'm a big jerk just like all the other prudes out there.
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momma2mingbu 11-21-2006 @ 8:00PM
I agreew with Wallaby. If a mom needs to use a cover up or a blanket to make herself feel comfortable nursing in public, then she should go for it. Whatever helps her nurse her baby, because that's what it's all about.....meeting the needs of the child.
BUT.....PERSONALLY.....I never used anything to cover us up. I always thought that using a cover or blanket was like putting out a neon sign that read, "NURSING BABY.....PLEASE DON'T LOOK!" I also think that it sends the wrong message....that you are doing something that isn't accepted and needs to be hidden.
I found that if I dressed for easy access, I could nurse discretely in public with very little problem. The child's body really covers everything and you see less than on most magazine covers or on the red carpet at the Oscars. I also nursed in a sling a lot.
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Belinda 11-21-2006 @ 8:39PM
Maybe it is just me not wanting ANYONE to see ANY part of my PERSONAL body on why I would cover up. I never seen a woman breastfeeding without a blanket over her shoulder, even a thin recieving blanket for hot areas. I agree, people should cover up. There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding but does everyone need to see it? Yea, don't look, well a child doesn't know better and there are perverts out there. I don't want them look at ME!!!
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