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Is your partner doing enough?
Filed under: Just For Moms, Just For Dads, Work Life, Activities: Babies, Childcare, Sex
Once children enter a household, things change. How could they not? Before the "blessed event," there were two people involved in the day-to-day household business. If you dirtied a plate, you washed it. If your clothes needed cleaning, well, you knew how to do that as well.Once a child enters the picture, things change. Babies need diaper changes. Older kids need help with homework, packed lunches and trips to wherever the kids go these days. Besides all the extra that comes along with kids, there's still the household duties that must get done.
It is easy, after a week of changing dirty diapers and washing clothes to think "come on, I know you can load the dishwasher." I think, in general, the household duties in my house are divided pretty evenly. My husband and I both change dirty diapers, both brush toddler teeth and give the children baths.
He is the person that takes out the trash (something that I hate doing) and I am the person that sweeps the wood floors, something he hates to do. There are moments when I wished he'd take the initiative and get our children dressed when we are getting ready to go out, just like he probably thinks that I should learn to actually find the lost sippy cups and put dirty dishes in the sink.
That being said, I found this article about what to do if a partner isn't doing enough quite interesting. Sure, it says "Dad," but I find that sexist as there are many great Dads who do their fair share of child-rearing. I enjoyed the parts about asking what your partner finds as your roles in the family in addition to giving your partner the space to actually get things done around the house and with the children.
But first, don't forget the first rule: You should actually ask for help, if you feel you need it. Assuming won't get you anywhere.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
11-21-2006 @ 8:47AM
Mammacheryl said...Luckily I don't have this problem with my husband. Sure, I have to ask him about two times to get something done, but for the most part, he'll do tasks without growling too much.
My poor mother though. I've always considered myself to have been raised by a single parent. My dad was a work-aholic and I don't have any early childhood memories that include him doing anything other than sitting in front of the tv. We took pictures every time he did the dishes or peeled potatoes.
Now that he's nearing retirement, my parents' roles haven't changed that much. My mother runs the household on her own. My father's duties include taking care of the yard and the cars and making coffee and serving my mother her first cup in bed every morning.
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11-21-2006 @ 9:38AM
ann adams said...From the article:
"They might criticize the way he does things, or insist things be done a particular way — the mom's way."
Am I the only person who's been guilty of this? If the situation were reversed I'd probably say "if you can do it so much better, feel free to do it yourself". I've finally learned to bite my tongue and ask myself how important is it to do it my way. Usually it's not.
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11-21-2006 @ 10:01AM
Kellie said...Things are pretty even here in this house. Actually, this past year when I went through the most horrible depression of my life, my husband did most things. Now that I am better though, we are back to normal.
I feel incredibly blessed to be married to a man who helps out.
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11-21-2006 @ 1:01PM
Ginny said...My husband does alot of the stuff that I don't have time for. He will run the vacuum cleaner; clear the table; take laundry to the laundry room and stuff like that. I pretty much do all the "parenting" stuff. I mean like getting them up; dressed; lunches; to school; from school; supper; homework; making sure they are bathed and to bed.
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