You know you're divorced when...

Filed under: Just For Moms, Just For Dads, Divorce & Custody, Places To Go, Development/Milestones: Babies

...You are able to spend the holidays without your kids. This Thanksgiving marks the first holiday that I will be without my children for a significant holiday. Although their father and I have actually been divorced for nearly four years, we have always spent the holidays as one sort of broken-but-not-quite family. However, since their dad and I have gone our separate ways for good, we have now decided to split up the holidays and each of us do our own thing. The children have mixed feelings about this arrangement. They are relieved that there will be none of the usual tensions, but also sad that one of us will be absent from either Thanksgiving or Christmas. I, too, have these feelings. I will miss my brood but not the fighting or undercurrents of anger.

This morning I dropped off the kids at my ex's new home so that they could get on the road to visit his parents. All was fine until I saw Matt, my ex. We made eye contact and both shared a moment of sadness. We hugged and wished each other well. After the hug I saw three pairs of eyes glued to us, none of them quite knowing what to make of the contact. We both smiled at them, and I then hugged and kissed them all and bid them good-bye. I drove away with tears in my eyes and indulged in a few moments of what-if's and if-only's.

We are divorced and by definition that means separate. I will miss them all this Thanksgiving. I will miss the good memories and think of them eating turkey and pie. But I will also treasure a new memory, one with no fights or tension. And I will look forward to Christmas when they will be mine for the day.

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AdviceMama Says:
Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.