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Blogging Baby Sleepover: Saturday, November 25, 2006
Filed under: Playground Bureau
Last week I wrote about a UK survey which discovered that 7 out of 10 students felt they had been the victims of bullying. I've written deeply personal essays on the horrors of my life at age 13 and how bullying shaped who I ultimately am, for better or for worse.Tonight I point you to some bloggers who are talking about bullying. Perhaps your child is going through something similar. Maybe you experienced something like this yourself. Perhaps through talking about it, we can come up with ways to improve the situation before another child commits suicide over it.
This idea of linking to blog posts that speak to racism was sparked by Gawdessness, who left a comment on my original bullying post. She had bullying on the brain too and wanted to share her thoughts. She writes, "Knowing you're different is not the same as knowing why you are different or knowing how to change that or being able to."
As I searched for blog posts on bullying, I was surprised by the number of parents who jokingly referred to their toddlers as bullies. They wanted their toddlers to stop hitting and biting other children, but the underlying tone was that the toddler-as-bully concept is cute or comical. That really irks me, because it's that exact attitude that gives children the impression that bullying is acceptable if you're cute or cool. Terrance at the Republic of T says that kids are learning racism and homophobia as early as age three. Which made me think of Izzy's story about her six-year-old getting beat up in kindergarten. Yes folks, it starts that early.
Gayla M's kids are being bullied into depression. And the principal won't even return her calls. The bullying discussion carried over to White Trash Moms, where a mom was dismayed at having to change her daughter's school to get away from the Mean Girls. The always hilarious SlackerMommy took matters into her own hands and called the bully's parents herself.
What I could not find were blogs of parents whose children were the bullies. (Not the toddler kind.) Though I understand this might be a difficult thing to admit -- let alone online -- I was hoping for one person to have the courage to admit this problem. You would think a parent who was aware would be seeking help or an ear from online readers. If you know of such a parent blogger, please leave the link in the comments so we can all learn from a different perspective.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
11-25-2006 @ 10:31PM
Lil Liberal said...Yeah, my brother was bullied in elementary school to the point where if he went into a school building he'd start to hyperventillate. The phobia was so bad that he was homeschooled from 4th-12th grade. Even after he graduated, he couldn't venture into a school to vote for a few years because the fear was so deep-rooted.
The kids were so mean that they'd stomp on his feet because they knew he had an ingrown toenail, and he'd come home with his socks soaked in blood.
I was 2 years younger than him, and remember feeling so sad about it because he was such a gentle giant sweetheart.
Then I got into Jr. High and got a taste of the bullying, and felt even more badly for the trauma he had gone through at such a young age.
I've always wondered what goes on in the heads of the parents of bullies. Do they acknowledge it? Do they care about it? Do they simply think that kids will be kids?
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11-25-2006 @ 11:22PM
ann adams said...They say "kids will be kids" and sometimes I think that they're patting their kids on the back. They call emotional bullying "teasing". They say the kids should learn to "suck it up" or they say "sticks and stones". They don't have a clue or if they do
I read all but the last of your links and I'll get back to that one. I wrote a couple of posts of my own on the subject over the last year or so.
The schools here presumably have a zero tolerance policy and I'm sure they try. They can keep a lid on the physical bullying (at least some of the time); the emotional torment is easier to hide.
Something has to be done, I just don't know what. Kids spend years in misery, some commit suicide and, in the worst case scenario, we have another Columbine.
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11-25-2006 @ 11:25PM
ann adams said...Should have read "They don't have a clue or if they do they don't care".
Sorry - interrupted by child who would argue with a post and didn't realize I never finished that sentence except in my head.
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11-26-2006 @ 4:50AM
Kelly said...I've actually heard parents say that they'd rather their kid be the bully than get bullied. As if there was nowhere in the middle. And principals just don't always get it -- most bullying is not physical. It's emotional. Girls exclude. Boys put others down and call names like "Loser." I think sometimes the parents of the bullies think that their kids are cool and confident; they miss that the bullying stems from feelings of exactly the opposite.
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11-27-2006 @ 10:25PM
slackermommy said...I would also love to hear from parents of bullies but unfortunately I don't see it happening. In my experience the parents of bullies are in major denial much like the father I wrote about. Rather than help the child change their behavior they make excuses and blame others for their child's bad behavior. Many of these parents are bullies themselves and are unknowingly teaching their children to bully to get what they want. Some may even know they are raising bullies but like the other comment here they would rather have their child be a bully rather than be bullied. This is why I feel very strongly about school's taking a zero tolerance stance. In most cases this may be the only way to stop the bullying cycle in families.
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