How do adoptive parents really feel when their children search for their birthparents?

Filed under: Adoption

Whenever I read stories like this, I get very mixed feelings about them.

The story talks about a man who reunited with his birthmother after being apart for nearly 40 years. By reading the article, it's a pretty amazing story and it appears by all indications that the man has found the answer to his curiousity about his origins.

We read and hear about these stories all the time about adopted children who search for and oftentimes find their birthmother/birthparents and either experience the joy of reunion or the pain of learning that their birthparents, for whatever reason, don't want to meet or have a relationship with them.

I never know quite how to feel when I see stories like this. I certainly support the efforts by adopted children to search for their past, but as an adoptive parent, I have to admit that if my child went on an all-out search for her birthparents, I would probably feel very jealous and resentful. My inner dialogue would say things like why would she search for her birthparents when we (my wife and I) are her real parents--we've loved her from the moment we first came in contact and we've provided everything we could for her. Why would she need any other parents?

Those are the kinds of thoughts that run through my head when I see stories like this. Is it wrong to feel this way? Do other adoptive parents feel like this?

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AdviceMama Says:
Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.