The anger of divorce doesn't end with the decree signing

You know, I guess that surprised me, also. We still have disagreements. I've yelled, and later apologized. There's a difference now, we have children together, and I'm not afraid to call him and say, "I'm upset about such and such", and we talk about it. Or "I'm sorry I yelled, here's what I was really upset about."

We both have had moments where we've had to apologize, but I find for some reason we're able to talk through things now that we never did when we were married.

But yes, we definitely still get upset with each other, and it's been over 5 years. I think we get along better now though, because we're both re-married and live in separate houses.

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I've been divorced from my ex-husband for five years. We have both remarried and we live about eight hours apart in California/Oregon.
I used to be very, very angry with him. Once the whole "marriage" emotions were dead and buried, the parenting aspect remained (obviously), but the solution was easy. I resigned to the conclusion that my ex-husband, as a person, is a complete and utter moron. Stupid people happen, that's life. Can I fix it? Make him smarter, less ignorant? No, so why fret about it...of course, he doesn't antagonize me directly.
I guess I feel like if I were angry with him, I'd be giving him control. And I can't let him have that.

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I would say to the blogger with regard to the anger and frustration of being divorced. Work on it. Iklnow its difficult. Because i've been there, my children at the time were 15,14,10. They're grown now. I can see the pain and loss to this day in their beautiful faces. There is a huge hole in my spirit for needing to do what I did, by seeking a divorce. After the divorce there just wasn't the quality together time between them and their father. Not enough of it. They loved him. I truly believe some of his resistance or lack of enthusiasm was to punish me for suing for the divorce. my children have gone to college, one with a Master's the other will receive her doctorate next spring and works for the government. The youngest is still pushing through and one day she will finish. I;ve gone back post divorce and finished what I started years ago while married and received my degree.

Sounds pretty on the surface of it all doesn't it?
My ex died last year at 56 years of age. He fell and hit his head and never recovered. My daughters were devstated. Have you had to share with your children the loss of their father or mother. The youngest was not able to make it home before they removed him from the respirator. She still believes he should be alive.
They all do but she express's it occasioanlly.

Whatever you have to do to make peace with their father do it. Don't worry about the outcome just get all the issues on the table and be ready to accept the outcome and let it go. We are all a work in progress, none of us are perfection thank God.

The holiday is coming and I am looking forward to the one when I am able to say to myself I knwo they still misstheir father but maybe the pain is manageable now.

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My mum is still pissed at my dad 27 years on. His complete inability to treat his children (and grandchildren) with any respect - despite all the papers drawn up at the time - still infuriates and upsets her, and confirms her belief that the divorce was the best thing (despite the obvious immediate effect on us kids). She has tried to make peace with him, but he carries on behaving so badly and selfishly, that's a pretty impossible feat, especially when it comes to the emotional welfare of her kids.

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Because of the tremendous anger in divorce, courts in Los Angeles and Huntsville,Alabama are now sending all couples with children for anger management assessments and anger management classes if indicated.
Finally, we recognize that counseling or psychotherapy is rarely the answer.

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Nine years later and still in court. Won my first post-divorce trial one year ago after 3 years in the making, thus far has only been a victory on paper. Am back in court over his non compliance and being in arrears of the arrears he was court ordered to pay. The justice system is ludicrous beyond words!!! If this isn't difficult enough I have to deal with an ex who thinks he is above the law at every turn, to date he is allowed to get away with it. If not for over 1/4 million in back child support awarded and I weren't in so much debt, and the fact that he continually places the kids smack dab in the middle, surely it would be so much easier to let it all roll off my back. The truly sad part is what his actions, and mine when left to stoop to his level to defend his total falsehoods as presented to our children, does to them. Poor things don't know who/what to believe now. Two beautiful innocent children who never asked to be put in this position. How horrible for any child to hear negatives, reality or not, about their parent. He'd like to believe he is father of the year but when a parent puts their needs above their children's...he will deny them if their mother benefits in any way as a result. Does a good parent cancel their life insurance policies, ones which would provide for his children in the worst case scenario - Does a good parent curse and berate their ex in front of their children, simply because they don't get their way - Does a good parent get so drunk at his son's Bar Mitzvah that he starts a physical fight with two of my guests (one my 80 year old father, our children's grandfather)that the evening ends with police and an ambulance? You would think for a man who remarried 4 years ago and has since had another child, that instead of staying up nights to plan his next move to unnerve me, he would focus on his beautiful new family unit. So yes, it appears those anger management classes would be beneficial in NY too.

There are no winners in a divorce, only losers. Angry, bitter, frustrated, you bet I am, not just for me but for my kids...through it all, I have no regrets of leaving him, atleast he isn't the last thing I see when I go to sleep at night, nor the first when I awake, maybe there is god after all!

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