What to do when bedtime comes...and goes
Categories: Development
My daughter has never been one of those kids that goes to sleep easily. Even as an infant, she fought sleep until the very end, eventually passing out from pure exhaustion. Things got better as she has gotten older; now at two, she's usually able to go to bed with little fanfare. (Finally!)I would say that 99.99 percent of the time, she goes to bed and stays in there. Just recently, we put her in bed for what we thought was the night. About an hour and a half later, I hear the telltale sign of a 2-year-old playing in her bedroom. I ignored her, figuring she would soon fall back to sleep. But, she didn't.
Finally, around 10:45pm, I go into her room to see what was going on. I found a very awake little girl sitting in bed. She had no intentions of falling asleep. The problem is that I, like many parents, consider bedtime to be "my time." A waking toddler is infringing onto the few moments I have to myself.
Eventually, she ended up in our room. I think, by the end of the night, it was somewhere between midnight and one before she fell asleep.
I've never experienced this before and wasn't sure of the protocol. What do you do when your toddler is obviously not sleepy when it is bedtime?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
maria 11-30-2006 @ 3:16PM
Sigh... what you did. #2 son really struggles to fall asleep - esp after we took away the night time sippy (long over due - he's 5) Since he shares a room w/his brother and sister, he's allowed to fall asleep in our bed. He's constantly calling for us to bring him more books, water - you name it. Many's the night when we just give up - go to bed and turn out the light - he eventually falls asleep at the foot of our bed. Not ideal
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Ginny 11-30-2006 @ 4:52PM
Make sure you run her ragged every day! lol It does help when they are dog tired at bed time. My two have phases where they won't stay in their beds. I just put them back without saying anything. Sometimes I do it over and over and over. Thankfully, they are in their "staying in bed" phases. It is frustrating. We also consider the time after they go to bed sacred time. It's our time to talk about adult stuff without being interrupted and to watch a little TV without being asked a million questions. Good luck with your little one.
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Lea 11-30-2006 @ 8:26PM
Glad you said this--sometimes I think we're the only ones with a two-year-old who just doesn't want to go to bed. Or, often, stay there. Bedtime has become a smidge easier, but naps...they're just not happening, and none of the typical advice works on Baby A. I know. I've tried them all, yes, strictly.
One thing we do, on her ped's advice, is supply everything she might ask for at her bedside--the sippy cup of water, and so on. If she falls asleep in the car or baby-jogger in the late afternoon, we do just let her stay up a little later that night. And, yes, it totally infringes upon our adult-time. The goal is always 7:45 or 8, but some nights it's been 10;30.
Baby A's ped, whose advice is always, always valuable, if only in hindsight sometimes, told me to just stop sweating it. He said it's not worth the stress and conflict to force a willful, active two-year-old to stick to the same rhythm that might have worked when she was younger.
Not much advice, but that's where we are right now.
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LS 11-30-2006 @ 4:54PM
When this starts happening with my 3-year-old, I do two things. First, the night it's happening, I go in ONCE to grant his wish, be it water, an extra song, whatever. After that, if I have to visit his room again, it's to tell him firmly that it's bedtime, and time to rest. He is to stay in bed (he's not allowed to sleep in ours - sets up for disaster later). If he needs to sing to himself or talk to himself, that's fine, but there will be NO getting out of bed. If he does get out of bed, I go in there, pick him up and put him back into bed. No talking, no cuddling, nothing. Just into bed. Eventually (usually sooner rather than later), he falls asleep.
The second thing I do happens the next day. If he's having trouble falling asleep, then I figure I just didn't tire him out enough! So it's a trip to the park, or a long walk to see the farms around us or whatever, before dinner. Then a nice, warm shower, and the bedtime routine. He is usually falling asleep by the time I get to the second song (we do three).
I've found that maintaining a set-in-stone routine for bedtime also helps, a LOT. If he knows what's coming next, I have fewer battles, and it sets us up for success.
The only time this didn't work was when he was sick. And I can make exceptions for sick.
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Amy 12-01-2006 @ 7:48AM
My little boy turns 2 this month. I would be quite happy if he just played when he can't sleep. He screams! He has always had a hard time sleeping. I just don't know why he cries when there's nothing wrong.
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Jill 12-01-2006 @ 9:03AM
If it starts to happen regularly, take a look at the length and timing of her nap. This is the age that some children (God bless their poor parents) give up naps. However, if it happens only occasionally, I think you did the right thing. We've hung onto our crib even tho my 2 1/2yo is in a big bed. If he gets out of bed, even once, he sleeps the rest of the night in the crib. It happened a lot at the start, then he learned we were serious and now he stays in his bed. I don't want him in my bed, but if he was up that late I'd probably lay down in his bed for a while.
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Robyn 12-01-2006 @ 12:18PM
It seems counterintuitive, but I'd try moving bedtime *earlier*. I find little ones can get stuck in the "on" position if they're up too late, and sometimes pulling bedtime up by half an hour really helps.
I definitely wouldn't reward staying up by getting to sleep/play in my own room. I'm with those above who say after lights-out, that's it for the attention, and getting up or calling our just results in being put firmly back in bed.
Another trick I've used is to put on a CD of sleepy songs, VERY QUIETLY. Then if the child wants to listen to the music, they have to hold still and be quiet themself. Zzzz!
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roxanne 12-01-2006 @ 2:35PM
Have to agree that it might be the end of naptime. Much to my chagrin, both of my kids were done with naps before they turned two. My son never slept more than 10 out of 24 hours, even as an infant. He is at last learning the fine art of appreciating sleep now as a teen. Taking out the nap and moving up bedtime a bit might seem drastic (those first few days can seem very long!), but it might make the evenings more relaxed, and you do come to appreciate (really!) not having to deal with nap logistics.
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Tamyu 12-01-2006 @ 1:31PM
I just wanted to let you guys know - you have it easy. Really.
My son has damage to the part of the brain that manages wake/sleep. He has low sensitivity to sleep hormones. In other words, he doesn`t gradually become sleepy. When he can no longer stay awake, he collapses into deep sleep. Once asleep, he sleeps like the dead, and is virtually impossible to wake up until he has slept 10 or so hours.
What this means for us - he`s up until 2, 3, and 4 on a regular basis. It`s 2:40 am right now here in Japan, and he is up and happily playing by my side. (Although I am hoping he`ll collapse pretty soon here - I`m tired.)
He is too young and physically too small for any sort of treatment (medication dosage starts from 25kg, he`s only 8), and our doctor tells us there is a chance he`ll simply grow out of it as his brain develops. For the time being, we`ve just adjusted our schedules to cope.
If I had a quarter for every time someone has told me that it is my fault, that I should MAKE him go to sleep, etc, we would be millionaires. When we`re unable to participate in early morning activities (because my son isn`t awake yet, and won`t wake up) it is apparently an open invitation to tell me everything that`s wrong with my parenting, and to spout all sorts of advice that doesn`t work. Before we knew he had a real sleep disorder, I tried everything... And even started believing that maybe I was doing something wrong.
Wake him up earlier? Doesn`t help, tried it for a week. He went to sleep no earlier, and it was hell waking him up.
Completely tire him out during the day? Makes it worse - he is too worked up to fall asleep at nap time, collapses at 6 pm, wakes up at 8pm, and is up until he collapses again at 6am.
This turned into a novel, but when you`re having a terrible night, just remember there are toddlers much much worse. :D
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