Mom arrested for egging houses
Categories: Just For Moms, Teens & tweens, Media
A woman in New York was arrested and charged with criminal mischief and endangering the welfare of a child after she was caught helping them pelt eggs at houses. They were just cruising around, hucking eggs at random, when they were pulled over and charged. Now, this in itself is not really a news story - more a tidbit about a parent acting irresponsibly, which is nothing new. However, it got me thinking.
I was brought up in a home where family roles were very structured - my dad was the disciplinarian, my mom was the homemaker and bobo-kisser and the roles were very clear. My parents were my parents and not my peers.
One of my good friends is struggling right now because she was brought up in such a way that her mom was more her 'pal' than her mom...she could talk to her mom about drinking and partying and boys and her mom was hip and cool and understood. But she'd like a mom she can go to for advice and to look up to - she doesn't want to talk to her mom as she would a friend.
I wonder sometimes if any good can come out of parent/child relationships that are peer-based. Certainly when I was a teenager I would have wished for that, but now I am glad my mom is clearly my mom. She would never help me pelt eggs at cars, and for that I am very grateful.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 4)
Lauren 12-03-2006 @ 11:59AM
1. Helping your children commit a crime is NEVER hip or cool, just stupid.
2. There is a difference between having an open communication with your children about the pressures of drinking, drugs, and sex and gossiping with them about what everyone did at the party last weekend.
I am a firm believer that kids both need and want their parents to act like parents. It may be easier to just try and act like a peer with your child, but after about 10 minutes or so of being a parent it kind of sinks in that not much about this gig is easy.
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Lil Liberal 12-03-2006 @ 4:07PM
My mom was a "peer based" parent. She was a friend and an advice-giver. She let us structure our lives and choose our destinies from very early on- and would offer advice and guidance but would ultimately allow us to make our own decisions. She wasn't into discipline.
I floundered a bit, mostly as a teenager when I was testing my own boundaries and going through normal rebellion... I just didn't have much to rebel against, so I got out of that one pretty quickly.
"Peer based" parenting doesn't necessarily mean "a parent that will pelt eggs at cars with you". It means that the parent treats you like an equal, and exerts passive pressure to live up to being that equal.
For me- that passive pressure was much more effective than a "strong parental role". I had very little to rebel against, and a lot to live up to.
It also taught me to be skeptical of authority, which has served me well in life- since "authority" doesn't always know what it's talking about. (I don't mean the authority that says "don't egg houses because it's destructive and infringes upon the rights of others", I mean authority that says "This is how it is, it may suck.. It may be illogical and unfair- but it can't be changed.")
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Rachel May 12-03-2006 @ 12:16PM
I completely agree with you, Lauren and Kristen. I am eternally grateful that my mom was never afraid to speak the truth to me and to ACT LIKE A PARENT.
I'm almost 30, and to this day I turn to my mom first for advice about almost everything, because I know she wants what's best for me. Even if it means not telling me what I want to hear. Even if it's hard for her.
THAT'S how you earn the respect of your children -- not by being "cool" in their eyes when they're teens. Those teen years are short, and after that, they'll figure out that you weren't really that cool since you couldn't/refused to do the job you signed up for when you had the baby.
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Jenna 12-03-2006 @ 12:58PM
My parents were parents, not my my peers. They taught me right from wrong and to respect authority. My husbands ex wife was brought up by her "peers". She is teaching her children that they should not respect authority or anyone unless they respect them first. She has no morals, no values. My husband and I try to let her know how it will be when the children visit us here, his ex wife tells the kids not to listen to us. It is very hard when we have taught our children differently. It makes for lots of conversations trying to explain their bad behaviour and the fact that we won't accept it from the ones who live with us.
My ex and I and the children who live with us have never been arrested or in jail. I can't say the same for his ex wife or their children together. I think being a parent is more rewarding then being a peer. My parents taught me to take responsibility for my actions and accept the consequences of said actions. I do the same with my kids. I hope they are the same with theirs.
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LS 12-03-2006 @ 4:36PM
My parents were most definately parents. They gave me boundaries and were very clear about them. But, they also played with me, and were the coolest parents around - they flooded our back yard in winter, and would play tag and other skating games on the ice with me and my friends. They took us skiing, to the beach, etc., and didn't sit on the sidelines, but participated if we asked. They even worked the trampoline with us in summer.
When the time came, I knew they had my back. When I needed advice, or just to unload, they were (and are) always there. To this day, they are two of my best friends.
Just because you're a parent doesn't mean you can't be a friend, as long as you know which to be, and when.
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bluepaintred 12-03-2006 @ 11:23PM
wee bit off topic here.
you said : as the homemaker and bobo-kisser
my friend also calls then bobo's (BowBow)I was brought up to call them BooBoo's . Who is saying it right???
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Southerncharm 12-03-2006 @ 10:55PM
I say booboo. :-) Still off topic. :-) Although, I do think bobo is pretty funny!
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Adriana Copaceanu 12-04-2006 @ 4:07PM
My parents were also parents, but at the same time they were open for any discussion. There is a fine line we, as parents need to walk. I have 2 children of my own, I hope that while I am their mother, they are comfortable to come to me as to a friend.
Just think about teenage girls (or boys for that matter) trying to make the right decisions, and get answers to questions in their mind: you'd want them to come to you for answers, not go to someone else who could steer them wrong.
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Ginny 12-04-2006 @ 4:41PM
We say Boo Boo here too. I think most people do say Boo Boo...I've never heard it called a Bo Bo before. It is kinda funny. Or if you are French is it a Beau Beau? heh heh
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Pepper 12-07-2006 @ 4:40PM
I am so tired of parents not disciplining their children. Most of the children I come in contact with are so spoiled and not taught to respect adults that I could just slap each and every one of them right in their snotty little faces! What happened to real parents - parents who taught their kids to behave and be respectful????
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Brock 12-07-2006 @ 2:33PM
Boo Who????
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Jane 12-07-2006 @ 2:36PM
I believe that parents should be role models and leaders.....not friends. As children we worry about what are friends think of us, as parents this should be the least of our concerns. I loved and respected my parents, because I had concequences to wrong actions. If they treated me as a "friend", How would I ever know right from wrong? Now in my late 30's, I can say they are my friends, because they have molded me into a responsible adult, who parents the way they PARENTED onto my own children.
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Wendy 12-07-2006 @ 2:47PM
I strongly believe that you can have that "sharing everything with your child relationship" and be a parent to come to for advise. I have that bond with my children, who happen to be all girls, ages 17, 12, 7. They share everything with me, boys, issues with jealousy, drugs, you name it. I found that you can be the cool mom, and the smart mom by sharing my own experiences with them, hoping they would learn from my mistakes. I stay involved in their school activities and their extra curricular activities outside of school.
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Jerry 12-07-2006 @ 2:52PM
I purchased toilet paper so the kids (girls soccer team ) could TP a few homes; am I a TP enabler? Should I have sent the TP to the poor in China??? Help??
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Roxanne 12-07-2006 @ 3:38PM
I am the mother of two teenage daughters, ages 16 and 17. What this woman did was appalling. Not only that, it was criminal. I've always had a great relationship with my children, an open and honest one. I've achieved this by being their friend and their parent. By friend I mean,we enjoy shopping together, going to Starbucks for coffee, watching movies and just hanging out. Thats what "friends" do. But there are boundaries. They knew what those were early on, and knew never to cross them because mom always made it clear, that should they do that, friend mode was off and mom mode was back on. Children need boundaries, whether they like them or not! They need structure! And they sure as heck dont participate in criminal activity with them. Yeah, this lady really dropped the ball! She was neither a friend nor a parent to her child.
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cindy 12-07-2006 @ 2:53PM
I think that some of you are over reacting. It's not like she went out and shot someone. She threw a couple eggs. I don't think it is a good idea but not like she went out on a killing spree with her kids. You people need to get a life and let people live.
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Devra 12-07-2006 @ 2:54PM
I think as our kids age, so does our relationship with them. At no point does it make sense for a parent to behave in a manner that is equalto the age of their child. I don't think the the peer thing works well in the long run. kids do better with limits and boundaries that are fair and consistant in relationship to the kids's age and their ability to handle various responsibilities.
I think that as our kids mature and take on more responsibilities our relationship shifts from one of guardian to that of consultant.
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Wendy 12-09-2006 @ 10:19AM
Being a parent means teaching your kids. My boyfriend told me my 17 year old is great at oral sex because her mother took the time to teach her. And for all you prudes don't worry my boyfriend is only 18 so they are close in age. I think a family that plays together stays together.I can't wait til my 12 and 7 year olds grow up so I can teach them the finer points of life!
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Mia 12-07-2006 @ 3:07PM
Helping commit a crime is a big NO NO. What upset me most though was you saying you can't be pals. I am a 38 year old widow with four teenage children. They still come and hang with good old mom. They are not afraid to share anything with me no matterhow stupid it is. So yeah I am the cool mom but they all know If you do something wrong you will pay the price. The good thing is they don't try to hide the bad things they do and share them as well as the good. We still play video games dance to music and yes shop. Hey they aren't out breaking the law drinking, or doing drugs. Are they perfect? No they are far from it but we deal with it all as a family. So the mother was wrong but do you know what they were going through? Maybe even though she went about it the wrong way there was a situation in their lives and mom just needed to help them let go for awhile. I guess I hope she learned there are other ways. Please don't judge we don't know what was behind it.
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shelby 12-07-2006 @ 3:07PM
This is a great example of parents trying to be thier kids' "FRIENDS", with disastrous results. It is beyond my comprehension why a mom would do this. A friend of mine told me of a similar situation: Her co-worker helped her teenage daughter and friend go and "fork" houses..(putting plastic forks in the yards of homes for pranks) and she thought it was so funny and great. What the hell? Start being parent. Kids will have a billion friends, one set of parents. Act like them!!!
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