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Britney's kids to get a visit from child protective services?

by J.D. Griffioen (Subscribe to J.D. Griffioen's posts)
Dec 6th 2006 5:30PM

4Comments

Filed under: Celeb Kids, Life & Style, Celeb Parents, Rumors

Oh Britney, most of us never really wanted to see your disturbingly-hairless vagina , or the bottom of your butt cheeks, or anything else you've been showing to the paparazzi over the past couple weeks. I'd like to think that you and that nasty blond heiress and the drunk redheaded girl who was so nice when she was little planned out all these antics together as a big joke, but my wife insists that none of you are anywhere close to being that smart. This crotch flashing will not help your career, Britney, even if the idea came from a rich, talentless tramp whose biggest success has been being filmed while having lizard-green alien sex with Shannon Doherty's ex-boyfriend.

There are reports from an unnamed source that all these antics are really becoming a concern to your family. Your mother Lynne said she never would have set foot out of her trailer without underwear when she was your age. You should really answer her cell calls, too, Britney. She is upset that she hasn't been able to get a hold of you over the last couple days. Your dad and your brother Brian are upset too. They've got in in their heads that you should only be showing your bald crotch to someone you're married to. And you've got to stop checking into those hotels with Paris Hilton. Your mother may not babysit for you the next time you ask her to, because she's now been taking care of your sons for four days straight. She loves them Britney, but you really don't want to push a babysitter like that too far. You might need her again if Greasy Bear ever texts you back.

Also, Britney, people on the internet are starting to talk about how the Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services is thinking about getting involved with you again. Remember those snooty ladies who visited you last April after Sean Preston fell from his high chair and hit his head? There are reports they are coming back for a follow-up appointment. The representative from the department has declined to comment, but they've got your number Britney. There are reports that they have been trying to call you. And they know where you live.

Tags: britney, Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services

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