Santa's job requirements as seen through the eyes of a nine year-old

Filed under: Places To Go

Do many fellows set out to become a mall Santa Clause? I sometimes wonder this as I walk the crowded halls of the mall during the pre-Christmas days. Just what does it take to to prompt a man to don that red suit and scratchy fake beard and then let kids sit on his lap all day long. That takes a special sort of character, or a creepy one, if you ask me.

Sensing that I was likely behaving like a scrooge in my cynical view of Santa, I recently ook the question to my kids. My older son, Loren, rolled his eyes in the manner that says, "Duh, Mom. who cares." But my daughter, Cassidy, immediately launched into the many requirements a mall Santa would need to complete his job. A few of her better ones are as follows:

1. Patience. This man needs an infinite well of patience to endure those many kids, a number of them screaming, sitting on his lap all day.

2. A soothing voice. Anything less than a warm, hearty voice is likely to cause more screaming among the throngs of kids.

3. Size. When sitting, Santa needs to provide and ample lap for the bigger kids. A small lap will detract from the over all experience and traumatize the kids.

4. Good breath. That one is self-explanatory.

5. A large bladder. That poor man sits for hours at a stretch while being pummeled in the groin area. If he has any bladder weaknesses, he's sure to be in trouble.

Sometimes my daughter has a sense of humor beyond her years. I will forever treasure this list. Do your kids have a similar such list? Please share.


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AdviceMama Says:
Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.