Explaining all the bruises

Mine's at that age, too. I try to let her go barefoot (or in socks with rubber on the soles for traction) whenever possible, as she seems to do better when she can feel the floor - she even slides around in Robeez.

When she does get hurt, the best distraction I've found is taking her in the bathroom to "look in the mirror and make sure the baby is ok," and washing her hands. She just loves the running water and the soap. I'm probably going to make her obsessive compulsive, but oh well... It also prevents well-meaning relatives from making a fuss, which can lead, IMHO, to a kid who makes a big hairy deal out of every little bump and splinter - something I find quite annoying in OPKs (other peoples' kids).

As for explaining, why bother? People don't notice you nearly as often as you think they do. Most people are concerned about themselves, and literally don't even see you or your kid. If someone says something, a simple shrug and an off-hand comment, "Oh, Mommy's a klutz too..." or "He's at that age..." will go much better than a lengthy explanation. People with long, drawn out stories of their kids every mark A) are boring, and B) seem like they're trying to over-compensate or trying to hide something.

Save the long stories for when Child Protective Services shows up at your door. :)

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I once referred to Oliver as being in the "abuse victim stage", when he was getting a new bump on his head at least once a day.

Not ONCE did anyone ask me what happened!

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When my older sons were little, I visited my sister, who was dating a chiropractic student. He confided to her that, because he was a mandatory reporter, if I'd brought those kids into his office, he'd have to report me to Child Services. OY!! People without kids can be so clueless.

I have since learned that folks who are on the lookout for abuse know that bruises (even really nasty ones) that are on the hard areas of the body are not usually caused by abuse. These are shins, knees, elbows, forearms and faces. When the bruises occur on the back, belly and fleshy upper arms, they are more likely caused by abuse. More likely, but not definitely.

Don't give drawn-out explanations. A simple "Grandma's coffee table" is fine. I would steer away from calling him or yourself a klutz, as little kids pick up on that very easily.

Make sure you take pictures of these injuries. They're so cute!!!

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My first was a klutz from the moment he walked for the first time. He constantly had bruises from his knees to his ankles. I never thought too much about it, since I had younger brothers and sisters in my teens, and knew it was common.

But the night I took my son into the hospital with an severe anaphalytic reaction (his face swollen up like a balloon, with no features left) and I told them I didn't know what happened, I just went into his room and found him with his face swollen - I figured the bruises on his legs sealed my fate and they would take him away from me!

Thank goodness they knew what little kids were like, and unlike me, knew what an anaphalytic reaction was!

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If he's honestly that clumsy, I don't see a reason to worry - people who use that excuse to cover up that they're abusing their kids, usually the kids aren't clumsy at all!

But if he's actually clumsy, he's clumsy in front of everybody, so they can guess where he gets his bumps and bruises from.

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I work in health care / child welfare field and those are normal bruises!! Only alarming when have bruises on lower back, the fleshy parts of arms, ears, bottom of feet, shoulder blades, back of neck, but foreheads / cheeks / hands / knees all are very normal!!

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My 5 YO dd's shins and knees are suddenly covered in bruises. I was shocked when I saw them last night until I remembered...Santa brought her a new scooter that she is still trying to master. They don't stop getting bruises after they learn to walk...that's for sure.

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Just our experience: we have a now three year old who was what we called "tipsy". Not terribly tipsy, but because he's a twin, we noticed. Because the other twin is super sturdy and will clearly be athletic.

He didn't fall over for no reason, but he just wasn't as stable as his brother.

Long story short: we decided to have an MRI. We had it on 12/27 and are still waiting for the results. We don't see any other symptoms so feel confident, but it's still good to know if there is a problem that can be fixed. Our dr. explained that fixing problems at three is so much easier than trying to fix problems at ten or older.

Also, he referred us for physical therapy to have our son strengthen his legs. We do exercise and massage.

Again, to observe him, you'd barely notice a problem. And we never went through the bumps and bruises stage -- and we have two large dogs too.

I freaked when the dr. first suggested an MRI, but then I discovered that lots of kids have done it and it was very uneventful.

Good luck,

W.

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My 16 month old daughter is what you would call enthusiastically unsteady. She loves to try and run and climb all over everything, and this usually leads to bumps and bruises. As long as she doesn't cry longer than a minute or so, I know she's okay.

Strangers have never given me a hard time about her bruises, but my husband still can't seem to figure out that toddlers are clumsy and occasionally get hurt, despite our best intentions. Right when she was learning to walk at around 13 months she fell and hit the side of her face on a windowsill. Like Nolan's injury, it was puffed up and discolored within minutes. When my husband saw that he said, 'I hate you as a mother'. This is and probably will be the worst thing anyone has ever said to me.

I try so hard to keep her out of harm's way, but you just have to let them explore their world without hovering over them. Hopefully the hub will realize that sooner rather than later.

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Ummmm... Molly? Sounds like some serious counseling is in order. What a hostile, horrible thing for your husband to say to you! That goes WAY beyond "he doesn't understand that kids are clumsy." I would call that verbal abuse. Jeez, I'd rather have my husband call me a four letter word than say that to me (not that he'd do either).

Seriously - counseling. And if you can't get him to go, then go alone.

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My son is about the same age as Nolan, and he's forever crashing and banging into things. I watch horrified as he lurches towards sharp edges and bumps. I've taken him to hospital twice in the last 3 months due to head injuries - the last one was a topple down the stairs onto his head (yes I was there, but unable to do a thing - I felt so awful). The hospital didn't seem too bothered, but were very suspicious about the bruise on the back of his leg - which I can't explain! I guess I will just have to get used to him being bumped and bruised! Currently he has a lovely graze under his eye, after a walk in the woods.

I did discuss the stability issue with my health visitor, but she is confident it's just an age thing. My son had a CT scan after the latest fall and there was no suspicious shading - ok so not as good as an MRI, but at least some sort of check. And he's been to a paediatric cranial osteopath, who said he was very lucky to get away with only shock, considering the fall! They are bendy and bouncy at this age - thank goodness! You or I would have broken something.

As my husband pointed out, at 16 months, they are often confident they can walk, and are using their eyes to check out the next toy, not where their feet are going! They are often overconfident of their abilities. It's very cute, if a little worrying for us parents!!

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I'm not sure they ever outgrow the bump and bruise stage. It's part of growing up.

I'd be far more worried about a child who never was allowed to explore with the attendant risks. How else can they learn. (Within reason of course).

Overprotectiveness will usually accomplish one of two things. The child will be fearful all his/her life or once they cut the apron strings will turn into Evel Knievel. I'm not wild about either of those options.

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With the first kid you worry what others will think when they see bruises. Do you abuse your child?

With the second kid you worry what others will think when they don't see bruises. Do you keep your child locked up all day?!

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In March I was terrified that when I took my child to the ER for a hurt arm (http://mamachristy.blogspot.com/2006/03/wailing-i-broke-baby.html) that they were going to call Child Protective Services and take my baby away. Turns out that elbow subluxation is very common in young children and unless they come into the ER several times for the same thing or there are other suspicious marks on the child, they won't take him away from you. What a relief!

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I was always covered in bruises as a child. I grew up in Florida and wore jeans year round because my mom was scared someone would thingthe bruises all over my legs were caused by her. I just fell a LOT! I have weak ankles and they give out on me all the time and still occationally do now. Just take it in stride, ignore the looks because they shouldn't be judging you anyway!!!

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Ahh the wonderful world of bruises... I even at the age of 38 bruise very easily, so I sometimes look like an abuse victim. But the best case of childhood bruises was the one that really wasn't. My MIL was caring for my then 2 year old daughter ( she is now 11!), she had let my daughter color with washable markers,( washable off everything but skin!), the colors was she using, brown, yellow, red and blue. Well not paying enough attention to her, until after the "crime" was committed, my daughter colored herself very nicely. She honestly looked she had been beaten from head to toe. It tooks weeks to get the marker off. To add to the embarassment, we went out shopping with said MIL, in a very fancy outlet store, where the sales associate asked alarmily, What happened to her??Was she in an accident? All I could respond with was "Crayola", because the look of embarassment on my MIL's face was priceless!

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My son fell at 2am. He had woken and up and I was putting him back to bed when he tripped on a toy. He hit his cheek bone right on the corner of the bedframe. The sound woke up my dh in the next room and the neighbors next door! Then he screamed. It was dark I didn't have my glasses on. I started to feel his face checking for bumps. It couldn't have been 10 sec when I felt his chhek. It was very swollen. I thought he broke his cheek bone. We took him to the ER just in case because I was sure his cheek was broken. The said everything was ok, no teeth were loose his jaw was also ok.
I have never been so scared in my life. Even when My dd split her chin open I ws ok. But this was terrifiying. I don't remember the sound but it must have been loud if it woke the people up next door ( my parents). At the ER after the Dr said everything was ok I thought I was going to be sick. My adrenaline was going so high after he said everything was ok it must have dropped and I felt ill.

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Unfortunately, the question is asked far too infrequently where there is abuse. A study done in the early 90's found 31% of child abuse cases that involved ER visits had prior injuries that had been seen by a medical professional without questions being raised about potential abuse.

The inquiry is made more often where the parents are people of color. That research was cited as concern about discrimation against minority parents: my concern was that it shows majority children are being failed by the system.

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It's funny how after having your second, third, etc. child you just don't worry as much about certain things. My first daughter was always falling and usually had at least one bruise. At one check-up I finally worked up the courage to ask the Dr. about the bruises. I was told that because some children have overnight growth spurts of an inch or more they don't realise that they must pick up their feet more to compensate (I'm repeating the Dr.). With the second child well, let's just say that when she falls (which is often) I've learned to live with the bruises.

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Our family was full of precocious, curious kids, so we were generally multi-colored. The girls were more daring (and colorful) than the boys. At least two of us raised questions by the doctor / school about possible child abuse, because we wouldn't wait for one wound to heal before falling again. With me, it was that ambition (at age 2) to get all the way up the attic stairs before getting caught by mom - followed by a superhero flight gone wrong. With my sister, for about six months (at age 4-5) she just kept doing one crazy thing after another - jumping from couch to table (broken arm), running with pen in mouth (torn roof of mouth), inventing new gymnastic moves on playground equipment (baseball-sized swelling on saliva gland), etc. Both of us were questioned and, since we did not blame our parents for our injuries, we were sent back home. Funny thing is that we never lost the ambition to pursue risky goals. But eventually we got better at reaching them without bruises.

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