Appropriate age gaps between children

For me, I really like having them close together. Maybe it's for selfish reasons... I really wanted to have all the diapers, lack of travel, and sleep issues to be condensed into a few years.
Personally, I would hate to get a normal life back only to have to go back to newborn phase.

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We are in the process of trying for our next baby now. Our son will be four on the 31st of this month. I am totally bumbed about the age difference between and our next child. He had some health problems though and it has never been the right time. I worry about closeness vs. sibling rivalry.

My mom and her brother are three years apart and I wouldn't say they are close, but they have a great relationship. There are 9 years between my mom and her younger sister. The two of the are incredbily close.

I am looking foward to reading the responses to this.

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My dd was 11 when my son was born, she does help out and they adore each other. She is now 14 and he 3. I don't know if it will last. I have thought about having another because I don't want a big gap (again). If I don't have nother by the time he is 5 then I won't have any more.

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My sister is 17 years older than I am, and even though we have 2 brothers in between us, we are extreemly close. My children are spaced as well, with 7 years between them. Even though my husband and I did not plan this large span, they get along great, and I am able to focus on each child's age demands better, than if both were closer in age. My husband is 3 years older than his brother, and even though they get along with each other, they are not considered close. I believe that relationship development is more important than solely relying on age relationship in developing close sibling relationships.

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I am almost 8 years younger than my sister and almost 5 years younger thasn my brother. I never had a relationship with either of them because of severe sibling rivelry and jealousy. I think that it is very important to have no more than 2-3 years between children. I also think individual personalities play a tremendous part, but I laways felt I was raided as an only child. My sisiter and brother were too far ahead of me to have much in common. They were also closer in age which left me out in the cold.
I also think that my parents were pretty much 'done' when they had me and had less patience/ All in all, I hd a much closer relationship with my Mom in her later years because I always made her feel yonger than they did!
I think....no one has an answer...there is no Utopia for this one!

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Thank you for the link to this compelling article.

My boys are 26 months apart, the younger being 1YO, and this year has been ROUGH. On the other hand, I can see them starting to form brotherly bonds and can get a glimpse of the wonderful relationship they will (hopefully) have as they grow up.

I'm thinking of having another one in 6-7 years, but have some misgivings about it not having siblings close in age...

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I agree with Jan, there is no Utopia for this subject. I think it depends on you as a couple and your children how everyone will react to age differences. My oldest sister is 11 years older than I, my other 6 years older. There was enough of an age difference between us that it wasn’t cool to play with me. I do not remember my oldest sister living in the house. She and I are not that close, mainly because our personalities differ. My other sister and I fought like you wouldn’t believe growing up, and now are finally able to have a decent conversation. We are not extremely close either, another personality difference. We all talk to each other about life, marriage and babies whenever we get the chance, but I don’t think any of us could say we’re all friends. I love them both, but even if we were closer in age, I don’t think that would change the fact that we are all very different. I can’t imagine what it was like for our parents to have 3 very strong willed girls all with different personalities living under the same roof. I feel for them, lol.

My husband and I have decided to space the kids out only far enough so the older one is potty trained. My son will be 2 in June, and once he’s potty trained, then we’ll start for the next one. I do however want to have all our children before I’m 30, I’m 24 now. My parents were in their 30’s when I was born and were both exhausted from their backbreaking jobs and from my two older sisters that I pretty much entertained myself. I do want my children to be close enough to play with one another, yet far enough apart that they each get their own time with us.

The space between babies should be whatever makes you and your spouse the most comfortable. If you don’t want three under three, then don’t. If you don’t want 5+ years between, then don’t. What works for you as a family is all that matters. But always take into consideration that there is a good chance they will not get along no matter how many years are in between them.

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I got pregnant when my daughter was 10 months old, and I'm due in April. I don't know about how it will work when they're both on the outside, but I can say that this pregnancy has been a LOT harder than the first one. I don't think my body was ready to get pregnant again. I am so much more tired, both from chasing her all day and from the physical effects of the pregnancy itself. I hardly have any energy for anything else. Unfortunately, I'm fairly certain that will continue until April of '08. I'm told that the first year is the hardest, and after that it gets easier, and it's nice to have them so close in age. We'll see. After last night (she was up from 3 am - 5:30 am for no reason at all) I am NOT feeling optimistic.

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I don't have any children yet, but this has been on my mind as well. My brother and I are seven years apart and get along wonderfully! He's such a great brother! But my husband and his brother are two years apart and also get along great... while being able to do more together (my brother is still underaged). I always thought two years would be a great age gap, but I don't know how I'll feel when my child is two... will I be ready for a second then?

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I have girls who are a year and a half apart, they're 6 and 7, and they are the best of friends. Maybe because they're step sisters, but they are more like friends. Then their sister is 18 months, so we're looking at a 4.5 - 6 year age gap. I am pregnant again and due any day now, so we'll have another year and a half age gap. I figure the oldest two will be close and the younger ones will be close, but I cant see all four being too close.

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I completely agree there's no absolute rule when it comes to this topic. There's too many variations in personalities. But this is my family's story:

My older brother was 18 months older than me, and my younger brother was 6 years younger. In the early years, I had a great relationship with my older brother (or so I hear) aside from the usual rivalry/competition. Although in the teen years we didn't speak at all (big fights). I'm now his son's 'godparent/guardian' should anything happen (bygones). My younger brother seemed to be an invader to our little 'team', and I'm certain that has affected him in adulthood. I was babysitting him by the time I was 7 (I know: crazy), and although I found him cute, I never really cared to play with him. He and my older brother fought like cats and dogs (but then we all fought with the older brother by then). He spends inordinate amounts of time trying to be impressive to us, even as an adult.

I'll have about a 3 year difference between my kids, and am only having 2. I think my original wish was that they be closer to 2 years apart, but am currently enjoying this little window of 'rest' (he didn't sleep through the night the entire first year). So I think this would have been my choice even with all other things being 'perfect.'

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I think the quality of the relationship is affected less by actual age differences than by individual personalities and the parental approach to promoting sibling interaction early on. My brothers are 1 and 4 years younger than me...I haven't heard from the former in 14 years (he was distant even growing up) and am close with the latter even though he lives across the country.

My own two are 7 and 1; the baby was a late-in-life surprise. We prepared our older son very thoroughly for the arrival of his brother...he came to refer to him as "our baby." There were a few rocky moments at first as E got used to not being "king," but he loves being a big brother and is a huge help with the baby.

For his part, the baby loves tagging around after big brother and will seek him out when he wants to play. The elder is old enough to understand that the younger requires more intense watching right now, but at 7 he has his own life to some extent...and he looks forward to having one-on-one time w/ us when the baby goes to bed and on weekends.

I suspect there will be ebb and flow in their relationship as each moves through the teen years, but I hope the closeness we've fostered in their early years will continue into adulthood.

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My kids are 2 and 2.5 years apart and so far (they're 7 and 5 yr old boys and 2.5 yr old girl) it's working pretty well. They fight a lot - but the worst punishment is to separate them. I really enjoy watching my middle son have a good relationship with the other two - he can be the little brother and the big brother and be both young and old. If I weren't 41, I'd consider another (okay easy to say b/c it ain't happening)

My brother and I are 14 mos apart and have never, ever been close - but I think it's personality. My husband is far closer to the sister who's 4 yrs older than him than to his 2 older siblings...

I like them being close - it's chaos, we're exhausted but there is a lot of laughter. But it all depends on your capacity for chaos too - I get frustrated w/the pee and laundry and yelling - but I love it too...

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Amy - my two are 11 mos apart and I know what you are feeling. I also had a really rough second pregnancy.
Now, they are 5 and 6 and it does get easier. You will get through this fine. Hang in there.

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My two sons are 4.5 years apart and are very close. One is nearly ready to leave high school, but he still includes his little brother in his daily life.

My big concern lies in bigger gaps. We never planned it, but it looks like we'll be adding a third child now. How will that child even know his/her oldest brother since he'll be moving out before he/she is walking?

I like the 4.5 year gap, and am extremely unsure about a 17 year gap.

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After reading all of these posts and opinions, I really think that age gaps are up to the parents. When you feel you're ready to handle another baby, then that will be best for your family. My husband and I have a 7 mo.old daughter and have been thinking about trying for baby #2 after she turns 1. That way they are 2 years (or so) apart. I stay at home with my daughter and figured why not take an 8 year break from working and just raise my children. When they start going to school, I can have my career.
I have a sister who is 2 years younger and brother who is 5 years younger than me, and having playmates was the best part of my childhood. I have such good memories. But I think it's how my parents raised us, and watching them be close with their siblings that made us all so close.
I have read a lot of books that say it's healthier for a woman's body to wait at least 2-3 (or sometimes 4) years before conceiving again. However, after I had my daughter, my body healed up very quickly. I was up and moving around days after coming home from the hospital. I've lost all the baby weight already (and then some!). I had a wonderful pregnancy! I'm only 24 years old, that's probably why. I'm so glad to do this while I'm young and healthy. I have the time and energy to run after babies. And also, having my babies now, I have plenty of time to work on my career!

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