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Give moms a break: experts say there's too much pressure to be perfect
Filed under: Just For Moms
Parents are the world's everyday superheros. Fixing owies, keeping schedules, paying bills, instilling values -- the list is endless. But according to experts, when it comes to moms, we're asking too much.
"Unfortunately, in our society, motherhood is still very closely associated with martyrdom," says Muffy Mead-Ferro, author of "Confessions of a Slacker Mom." For some mothers, the pressure to be perfect is overwhelming -- creating a motherhood role that's "competitive, aggressive, and exhausting."
And, according to one Ivy League admissions counselor, these "overdevoted" moms may actually be hindering their children. In fact, many colleges want kids who are more independent -- left to make to make their own choices instead of being guided through every decision.
What do you think? When we bash Britney for her partying antics, are we holding her up to an unfair standard of motherhood? Moms: do you feel like your job is thankless? Is it possible to be "overdevoted" to your kids?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
1-02-2007 @ 2:41PM
Brandi said...we're not holding britney up to an unfair standard, we just think that as a mom of two she shouldn't be out every night slutting it up in bars flashing her privates. She should be at least home with the kids, whether she makes all their decisions for them or not.
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1-02-2007 @ 6:15PM
Marcia said...I don't think there is such a think as "over-devoted" but there are too many instances of babying your children too much. I am 100% devoted to my daughter, but I won't baby her when she can do things on her own. My aunt is guilty of babying her kids. Her 6 yr old daugher still runs around naked just because she can, company or not. I don't think her children (6 and 8) have poured their own drink... EVER. She lays out their clothes, washes their hair and scrubs them down (shouldn't they do these things themselves?), always cleans up their toys instead of asking them to do it, among the rest of the things she does for them that they CAN do on their own.
I agree that the standards are set really high for moms today. Many feel that their child needs to be the best or they're bad moms. I like that the article points out that it IS ok to blow off some steam once in a while and doesn't make us feel guilty about wanting that time to ourselves every now and then.
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1-02-2007 @ 2:47PM
Dawn said...I do feel that being a full time working Mother, and a full time housewife is asking way too much. But, when I have complained... Ive been told that "its my job, deal with it." It is too hard to deal with all at once. I was used to working 2nd shift, partying on the weekends and cleaning when it needed it. Now, I work 40+ hours a week, and I am with my son (whom I love and adore) from the time I get off work, to the time I bring him to daycare. Catch is, Im not a single Mom. My fiance and I live together, but he works 2nd shift now, and I work 1st. But, because he needs his sleep.... and will occasionally watch Ryan at night, he cant do much else to help. Heck, even asking for help with housework make it sound as if Im raising a teenager. I said something to my Mom, and her comment is, tough, your a mom now. She says this because she is a single mom of 2 kids under the age of 6 and me, who is 21. Am I over reacting with all this? Should I just stop complaining and learn to live with it? Any suggestions to make this transition easier?
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1-03-2007 @ 2:03PM
Debra said...I believe that mothering and motherhood has been pressured to focus on the wrong things. Children don't need more toys or entertainment. They need constant and consistent care from a loving adult who is stable and consistent. Raising our children to be responsible adults with basic respect and concern for others is mother's main job. Our society and culture to not make this easy for any mother whether working, single or at home. People do not value Mothers responsiblity and work. For to long Mothers have been taken for granted. We need workplaces that are flexible, reliable childcare and healthcare for all children. A mother who wants to stay home to raise her children should be able to or if she works she should do that and be able to go to school when her child needs her. As a mother at home with two young children, people don't think I have a real job, but my job is more lasting and real than theirs. Our society needs to wake up and see that due to growing greed, materialism and lack of truly important values are destroying our children and therefore our future.
Dawn, is he the right man for you? could he change his job? This is such important time in your children's life!
I feel very future to be home with my children even though it is not easy. It is very lonely and islolated many times. I still would not trade it for anything else.
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1-02-2007 @ 6:51PM
Christine said...Well... clean as you go?
I dont know. I get a giggle out of the mommy cult generation.. but I think it is fine to get a sitter and go out as long as the kids are safe. No reason to be stuck as a killjoy because you are a mom. Now-- if you are married.. well your hubby might not like that though.. hahaha. But as a single mom.. heck yes did I go out... and still do... were there times I went out every Friday? Heck yes... Im not an old woman. And my child was never deprived.
As for Britney.. she has had a rough couple years... her kids were home safe with grandma and she was glued to Sean Preston.. so while I may not like seeing her underwearless(how rude to even take that photo!) I can understand a few weeks of partying after filing for divorce.. and turning 25... and finally not being pregnant... Being a mom does not an old boring maid make....
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