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Getting a perspective on what other parties in the adoption process are thinking
Filed under: Adoption
I ran across this piece the other day written by an attorney who assumes the roles of all the respective parties in an adoption--the child, the birthmother, the biological father, and the adoptive parent. She writes a couple of paragraphs in each of their voices and she does a really terrific job of showing readers what each party may be thinking or feeling during an adoption process.
As you might expect, I was particularly interested in what she had to say as an adoptive parent. She makes a terrific point in saying that adoptive parents are "carefully screened in a way that biological parents are not" and that we "must prove to social workers and the government that we are fit parents and that we will raise our children lovingly and responsibly." Really strong stuff.
In any event, this is very interesting reading and it really opened my eyes as to what others in the process may be thinking. You may not agree with everything this attorney says, but it definitely will make you think.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
1-03-2007 @ 11:07AM
Dylan Emrys, M.A. Pre- and Periatal Psychology said...I think it's always wonderful when people try to see through another eyes. It may not always be accurate, but at least it is attempted.
There is a piece that the author of that article missed, which is including how the baby is feeling. She wrote the child's perspective from that of an adult child, or at least older. Babies also have their experience, and it gets interpreted through the filter of beliefs that have been developed based on what they've already experienced by being unwanted, gestating in the confusing and varied emotions of the birth mother, relinquished...add more if there is uncertainty and conflict involved in any of these prenatal and early infant experirences.
We can look at adoption with a bigger window when we realize that what happens to a baby - even prenatally - has profound impacts on their cognitive, emotional and psychological for the long term.
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1-03-2007 @ 11:49AM
Christine said...Well.. the biggest correction that hit the wrong note is that most women do not place out of poverty and need. This is a far cry from the truth. Averages show (and at one point we polled on adoption.com just to get our own confirmation) that most birthmothers are "college age" and most reasoning was lack of psychological support... there are resources out there.
Psychological coercion is just as wrong as physical coercion.
And on the flip side of the "adoptive parents have to prove themselves" coin-- Yes, absolutely. I am supposed to make the ultimate parenting decision and trust you with the most precious thing I could ever do... on your word that you are "good people"? That is the difference... you are not raising your own child.. you are asking someone to trust you with THEIR precious child. What kind of a parent would I be to just say.. oh ok, if they say they are good, then they can just have my kid? But yet the daycare provider should be screened to make sure he or she is not a predator???
There is a big difference between raising your child and raising someone else's. Parents have to choose a couple based on a profile that the potential adoptive parents put together to win them over... all goodness and sunshine... the very VERY least that should be done is the background check information. We are entrusting you with our child for LIFE.
It is not a small thing.
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1-03-2007 @ 3:44PM
Dylan Emrys, M.A. Pre- and Periatal Psychology said...I agree wholeheartedly with you Christine. Thanks for sharing.
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1-05-2007 @ 6:39PM
Dee said...Correction for Christine and Dylan. The birth parent is choosing the people who bring up this child as THEIR OWN. When you choose adoption, you relinquish parental rights and this child is no longer YOUR precious child is the ADOPTIVE PARENTS precious child which they will be raising for the rest of THEIR childs life.
Clearly you do not understand the concept of adoption.
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