When are the kids old enough to help you put down a pet?

We went through this not that long ago, at least that is how it feels to me.

My suggestion is to start (if you haven't already) talking about the pet who is sick and how hard it is to see them not doing well.

Three and half years ago our dog who had been with us for 12 years needed to be put down.

Although we had been talking about it for a while it was still very hard.

My children were then 12 and 9.

My husband and I had taken her to the vet on a Friday afternoon, we thought it was just a visit to adjust her meds or something but the vet was very clear that this was it.

I am crying writing about it.

She wanted to do it right then and we wouldn't let her.
At first she was upset with us but after we explained that we had to talk to our children and let them say goodbye, she was very understanding.

I have to stress that our lovely dog was not in pain. she was sick and often very disoriented but not in physical pain. By prolonging her life for a few days we were not causing her to suffer.

So we spent that weekend with the kids and her. We even took her to the drivethrough to get fastfood for her, becasue really it didn't matter anymore.

On the monday, the vet and her assistant came to our house, I held her in my arms and the family stood around, then my son felt he couldn't stay in the room and left while she was put to sleep and then died.

It was very peaceful. Our son came back in before the vet and her assistant left with her.

They were wonderful, the brought a beautiful blanket to wrap her up in.

Having it done at home was much more expensive but worked for us very well.

we did not have to try and stagger out of an office and drive home, we were simply there.

I picked her ashes up a week later from the vet office.

It does depend on you and your kids. Go with your gut on what will work for you and them. Let them play the roles that they want to. We have never regretted talking it out with the kids and planning it out with them. I would do it the same way again.

Reply

I work for two vet hospitals and have seen euthanasia's done frequently. I would begin by talkign with your vet after taking your kitty in. Sometimes its renal failure and a few days of fluids and meds can by a good quality of life and more time.

If not, ask the vet to keep your kitty long enough for you to talk with your children. Explain what is happening to kitty and what will happen during the procedure. Stress the fact that there is no pain. They give kitty a shot in the vein and he goes to sleep and then his heart stops. He won't hurt anymore. Foreknowledge can stop them from being scared or unsure.

If they feel like they want to be there, fine. If not, fine. They need to decide without feeling any recrimations from anyone. I have seen parents guilt children into being in rooms when they don't want to, pushing, "You'd better say goodbye! Are you going to miss Fluffy? Say goodbye."

Some children will say goodbye and leave, others will stay. But its needs to be their choice.

That said, I hope you get a better outcome than euthanasia, but, if its that time, know that you have made the only decision a responsible, loving pet owner can.

I have been privileged enough to hold four of my own family's pets as they left us, knwoing that the last thing they saw was my love for them. It's hard. I still miss them, but they aren't suffering any more.

Blessed Be!

Reply

It'll be a year this Feburary that my beloved beagle was put down. He had cancer, and was only about three years old. We knew something was wrong, we had been frequenting the vet office because of constant ear infections for the past few months.

My dad took him to the vet and had him put down while I was at school. The vet had suggested it at an earlier vet visit because there was nothing they could do about the cancer.

I didn't think my parents would actually do it, because he wasn't really suffering from it. He was still a normal young dog, just with a bad immune system because of the cancer.

I remember the morning he was put to sleep I had to rush on the door for school, and I was running late. I usually hugged him and said "See ya after school, Tate!" but that morning I ran down the steps to the deck and said see you later to my mom and Tater who were standing at the top.

I got home from school that day and through Tater was just asleep, so I got on my computer. My dad came in and told me what happened and I bawled. For three days. Not only because my dog was gone, but because I didn't get to say goodbye. I am tearing up as I write this. I will never forgive him for not letting me say goodbye to my dog who I loved more than a lot of people in this world.

Take your kids with you. Maybe not let them watch as your cat is put to sleep, but let them see him before and say their goodbyes and let them see him after to say their final goodbyes. Would it be possible to have your cat buried at your home?

They aren't to young to witness a death, and it'll be an actual moment of closure.

Reply

We've had cats that became very sick very quickly. I explained to the girls that their kitty most likely would not come back from the vet and that they should say their goodbyes.

That was a few years ago. Now, if one of them wanted to go along to the vet, I'd let them but I wouldn't push it either way.

Reply

We've lost several dogs since I was born. The first I was only about 18 months, mom says I was sad that the dog was gone, pointing at her pictures and crying.

The next I was about 10, and the day they took her to the vet I said goodbye that morning, cried, but I think I went to school that day.

The next time we lost a dog I was about 16, and I believe it played out about the same way as the dog when I was 10, except I called my parents at work, and one of them came to get me.

The most recent was a couple years ago, and at about 20 I finally helped take my dog to the vet for the last time.

I think that in any situation you need to explain what is going on, and give older children especially a chance to say goodbye, and options of how to do it.

Reply

I had a cat that had cancer and had to be put to sleep when I was in middle school. Sixth grade, I think. My mom had taken her to the vet while I was at school and was told the cat needed to be put down. My mom brought her back home and told me when I got home. I spent the afternoon with her, taking pictures and watching a couple tv shows with her (something we did every day). I went along to the vet's office, but stayed in the car. I didn't want to see her die. So I held her collar while my parents went in. My mom came out a few minutes later, she didn't want to be there either so my dad had to do it by himself. I'm glad that I wasn't there, I don't think I could have handled it.

I think it truly depends on the child. But being able to say a proper goodbye is very very important.

Reply

When it comes to the point of euthanasia I would suggest the best approach is to be matter of fact about the whole thing. Take any of the children with you that want to be present and let them observe if they wish. Whilst it will be difficult for you all, children particularly are very able to put things in their place and the lessons of dealing with the end as well as the joys of pet ownership is invaluable.

It would be worth ensuring first there isn't a treatable problem.Weight loss inspite of a good appetite , thick coat and a desire to sleep in cooler places (and often on harder surfaces) can be a sign of an overactive thyroid gland which can be treated with medication.

Reply

I went with my mom when we had to put down our cocker spanial. That was hard, but I know that my parents tried everything to help her. She was losing hair and scratching herself so bad and the vet did everything he knew to do and still couldn't figure it out. I was in 7th grade I believe. This wasn't the first dog we had that died, our poodle got hit by a car when we were visiting our grandparents in the county.

The one I remember the most was our poodle Gigi. We got her after our first dog was hit and dad swore we weren't getting another pet (he ain't a pet person). We had Gigi for 16 years and my mom couldn't bring herself to take her to be put down and asked me to. I was 23(?) and I remember calling my brothers afterwords and crying. I also told my mom to never ask me to do something that hard again and I also remember coming home and telling her I was back and her crying and looking over at the computer to see my dad wiping his "I hate pet's" eyes.

I agree with everyone else. Talk to you children and let them decide.

Reply

I think your kids are old enough to understand that death is a natural part of life. Yes, if Bushy is sick enough that he has to be put down, it will be difficult for them. But you can explain to them that Bushy had a good long and healthy life with you, and part of being a responsible Pet Parent is deciding if and when euthanasia is necessary. Something that has always helped me when faced with this decision (and I haven't had to explain it to my child, yet) is the concept of Rainbow Bridge.

In a nutshell, Raibow Bridge is the place where our pet's spirits go to wait for us. There are lush pastures, fields to run and play in, and lots of animal friends. They wait there, playing and sunning themselves until they see us coming over the hill. Our pet raises his head, sniffs the air, and tears off toward us. There is a joyful reunion, and we cross the Rainbow Bridge into Heaven together. There are some very lovely websites dedicated to Rainbow Bridge out there.

That may or may not 'click' with your beliefs or religion, it's just another way to help ease the pain of losing a pet. Hope it helps. And good luck with Bushy. You have my sympathies (and my hopes that his condition is treatable, and that he'll have a few more healthy years with you and your family).

Reply