The toddler leash revisited

by Kristin Darguzas (Subscribe to Kristin Darguzas's posts) Jan 12th 2007 1:32PM

Nolan and I had the most harrowing mall adventure ever this afternoon. I thought I'd make a quick dash to the bank and conduct an uber-fast mail run on the way home, Nolan in my arms because, god knows if I let him go he'd be under mannequin skirts and putting brand new shoes "away". And he refuses to even look at anything resembling a stroller.

I thought he'd be intrigued by the buttons on the bank machine, enough to let me hold him. But no. He squirmed out of my arms, noodled on the floor, and dashed, and I was forced to sprint after him, leaving my bank card jutting out of the bank machine. I hastily retrieved it, and we went to mail a parcel off to my brother. Nolan, watching me with a shopping basket, gathered one of his own and selected his own choices: a Glade plug in, a series of infant bottles, and a hideous pig-dog toy thing. I paid for all of them rather than risk a tantrum at the till.

I was describing the scenario to my Mom tonight, and she suggested a "harness" to keep my wanderer in check.

"Like, a leash?" I repeated.
"A harness, you know, so he can wander but not that far."

I thought it might make for lively discussion on Blogging Baby, and when I searched the site, I found I was right. Stefania Butler wrote about Toddler leashes a year and a half ago, and the ensuing debate was interesting.

When she wrote the post in 2005, the thought of leashing a toddler was horrific. Now I am not as firm in that belief. But yet...a leash is a leash and there is something a little disquieting about it.

I wanted to revisit the topic to see if things had changed: are leashes a necessary evil, or an awful invention?

Comments (63)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 4)

Jennifer Susse 1-12-2007 @ 2:38PM

I don't think there is anything wrong with using harnesses. Confession: I bought one but never used it. When we were in England there were public service announcements reminding parents to use harnesses to keep their kids safe. American parents (and perhaps Canadian) often insist their children ride in strollers when they don't want them running away. Strollers are *way* more confining than a harness.

e 1-12-2007 @ 1:59PM

My parents used a wrist leash on me in the eighties. It certainly didn't scar me. When I was packing to move out of their house I found it and I wasn't suddenly overcome by feelings of terror and torture. I kept it actually, its cute. I guess you have to weigh whether a the safety of a child who's prone to wandering is more important than any ugly looks and judgements. Its all well and good to say you should have control over your kid running off, but I wouldn't risk a child I knew was prone to darting into the parking lot to just remembering to obey mommy.

K 1-12-2007 @ 2:46PM

I think the call has to be made on a kid by kid basis. Some kids can understand not to run away and others simply can not be trusted once they get around all the stuff they're dying to see. It would be absurb to put your kids in danger simply because you fear backlash from other parents. Likewise, I think we as parents need to respsect that the parents that do use harnesses. We need to believe that they're doing it because it's in the child's best interest and not simply because the nylon matches the outfit.

ZGinny 1-12-2007 @ 2:49PM

My sister used them when she had twins in the 80s. Nobody ever made any comments to her, but she was ready. :) When I had my "Irish twins", I preferred the double stroller. It kept them out of trouble much better than a couple of leashes would have. I don't have anything against "leashes" tho.

gawdessness 1-12-2007 @ 3:39PM

I used one for my son when he was just learning to walk, it was actually a lightweight and unobstrusive harness made of cotton and had two straps or leashes coming from the sides of it up to the parent.

It was useful because he was so determined to walk w/o help and yet because of developmental delays he would fall usually on the pavement with scabby results - not a good thing. This harness arrangement allowed me to break falls and help him regain balance without him being aware that I was helping.

Rachel 1-12-2007 @ 5:20PM

I own a cute Eddie Bauer one for my son, I've never actually used it as a harness, but my son loves to wear it since the harness portion looks like a little doggie backpack. I purchased it so that if he really wanted to walk in the airport I wouldn't be so terrified of loosing him in the crowds. I honestly think that especially for high density crowds they're not bad things to have around.

Jennifer 1-12-2007 @ 3:29PM

A child I babysat was very prone to running away. Having a harness allowed us to take him to fun place (i.e. the zoo) without worrying that he would run off. It was also great for keeping him from falling when he lost his balance. He wasn't adversely affected by it- for him it was better than being confined in a stroller, screaming to be let out.

I will definitely be using one when I have a child (hyperactivity and ADD run in my family.)

kelly jeanie 1-12-2007 @ 3:05PM

I understand the visceral reaction to the leash...I had it myself before I found myself with a toddler who would much rather be out tearing through the store than sitting angelically in the cart. It's funny, the reason I'm considering getting a leash is so that my child will have more freedom in the store, not less. I can't possibly walk through the grocery store holding his hand, so he is stuck in the cart. If I had a leash for him, he'd at least have a couple-foot radius that he could frolic in. I read through some of the comments on the previous post...I agree, it can be misused. I also wouldn't intend to use it for a 3-4 year old that should be learning to stay close to me without the use of a leash. At this point, though, for a little guy who doesn't understand why he has to be stuck in the cart, it seems like a good idea.

Gloria Krawczyk 1-12-2007 @ 2:37PM

When my two youngest children (11 months apart) where toddlers, they would always go under the clothing racks, etc. and I would panic because they would not come when called. They thought it was a great game of Hide & Seek. I decided l that I had had enough!! I bought a child harness for the youngest one when we went shopping....He teases me to this day that he was on a leash, (he is 34 yr. old with 2 children of his own) and I always tell him "I still have you today, don't I?" I never took crazy chances with my children, they are tooooo precious.

cindy carr 1-12-2007 @ 2:33PM

I think it is a good idea because when my daughter was small she would try to wander off she is now 7 and at least now she doesnt go as far. Let me tell you that the "leash" you need is the one that goes all the way around the chest and stomach with a snap in the back connecting the 2 straps. I do know that when i used one on my daughter at a fair when she was 2 years old I would get really dirty looks and sny comments but ya know it got me so frustrated these people would make comments for me to hear so one day i went up to this lady that made a comment "what does she think its a dog" i went up to her and told her that it was my child she wasnt being hurt and she wasnt gonna get lost or worse yet kidnapped, and then the lady told me it was a good idea. People are against it when they first see it but after they take a minute to think about they realize it is a good idea and both you and your child can enjoy the outing.

Mammacheryl 1-12-2007 @ 3:12PM

I have a very curious, very active 12-month old who doesn't run away yet. He won't actually walk on his own in public. So I don't have this problem. I can, however, envision a time in the future when, laden with a carseat that holds his new little brother or sister, I try herding him onto a public bus and then have his sit or stand still. I don't think it's being lazy to use a harness, necessarily. Sometimes it's needed by mothers who don't have ten arms. I plan to raise a behaved, obedient boy, but I also realize that it's going to take a little more cognitive development on his part before he'll be able to learn his part.

Staci 1-12-2007 @ 9:52PM

I have 2 kids (15months and 3 years) I must say before I became a mom I thought how awful i will never use it we had the wrist kind for my daughter (3) and it was such a tremendous help. She was so much better behaved when she felt she had a little freedom to look at things she liked. We stopped using it about 6 months ago (2 1/2) but everyonce in a while she asks if she can wear it. Maybe is makes her feel safter. Now my son is another story we bought the animal backpack one for him. While he likes the freedom he is all over the place so it seems more work right now then its worth but I am going to keep trying. He wants nothing to do with the stroller as well so it provides a safe alternative. children can get into things and you lose sight of them so quickly I would rather have to deal with people who don't like that I have my kid in a "harness" then deal with the fact that they could get hurt, lost or worse stolen.

Merissa 1-12-2007 @ 7:20PM

I have a two year old and a one year old - both with personality and energy to spare. You simply have to pick your battles. For me, allowing my toddler to walk next to me while I push the baby in the stroller is the only option that allows anything to get accomplished.

I use a harness that fits around her chest, she calls it her "Elmo" because of the characters picture in the front. She knows that when we put it on her she's going to be allowed to walk like a big girl, and after an incident involving her yanking her hand out of mine and almost making it into a busy 7 lane street, she "walks" a lot.

She's comfortable, happy to be free of the stroller and most important, kept safely close by. I understand that she needs to learn self control and boundries and all that, but I prefer to save those lessons for the safety of a park, or our driveway, rather than the mall parking lot.

Gwen 1-12-2007 @ 4:50PM

I use a wrist "leash" on my son who is a little older than Nolan. He loves it because he knows that we are going for a walk and he can be a little bit independent from us and still know that he is safely attached to us. I also think that being upset about using something like this to keep your child safe is a little silly. People use leashes to keep their dogs safe and I love my child at least as much as my dog.

MARIE 1-13-2007 @ 11:49AM

MY SON IS NOW 53 YEARS OLD. IN THE MID 50'S I ALSO USE A HARNESS FOR HIM.SO IT IS NOTHING NEW. HE WAS MY FIRST CHILD AND I WAS VERY YOUNG. MY MAIN CONCERN WAS HIS SAFETY. MANY PEOPLE ON THE STREET USED TO COMMENT ON IT IN A CRITICAL WAY. BUT I DID NOT LET IT BOTHER ME. HE WAS VERY QUICK AND ALWAY RAN IN FRONT OF ME.
HE NEVER STARTED TO BARK LIKE A DOG NOR ACT LIKE ONE.
I AM GLAD THAT IT IS COMING BACK NOW, IF YOU NEED IT TO HELP CONTROL YOUR PRECIOUS CHILD, BUY ONE. I REMEMBER IT SO WELL, IT WAS LIGHT BLUE AND IT WENT OVER HIS HEAD AND CLOSED IN THE BACK.
I AM 72 NOW AND THAT IS MY ADVICE TO YOU,
MARIE

Bernadette 1-12-2007 @ 2:50PM

My kids are grown, but when they were all younger I used the harness for them. I had one 17 year old make a snyde remark to me while with her mother where she said "a baby is not a dog". I calmly replied that "if you knew anything about how babies try to climb out of strollers or run into the street, you would keep your comments to yourself. This isn't a leash, it's a way to give my child some freedom while maintaining safety at all times." I looked at her mother and said "maybe your daughter's mouth should be on a leash" and neither of them had anything to say to that. hahaha.

MARIE 1-13-2007 @ 11:40AM

I FORGOT TO MENTION, IT ALSO GAVE HIM BALANCE WHILE WALKING AND STOPED HIM FOR FALLING, THE EXCERCISE WAS BETTER FOR HIM THAN TO BE PUSHED AROUND IN A STROLLER ALL DAY.WHEN WE WENT TO PARKS AND BEACHES IT WAS THE BEST.
BUY ONE!

susan 1-12-2007 @ 2:51PM

When my twins were babies they were always wandering away when I went to the store or worse the parks, ballfields etc. My mother suggested a harness for each of them and I was appalled but I tried it and we were all much happier. They had a little freedom and I knew my children were not going to get lost or stolen. People would walk by and make comments under their breath, but most of the reactions I received were positive. People could see how this was a responsible solution to babies that would run from you. I had another child after the twins and even though he was only 2 years younger he did not wander so much and I never had to use the harness for him. I just depends on the child.

Emily 1-12-2007 @ 2:51PM

I think it depends on the kid. A well-behaved child who rarely runs off? Maybe the parents should forgo the leash and pay close attention to the kid to make sure everything's OK. A rambunctious, energetic kid who disappears as soon as you blink, creating a safety issue anytime you leave the house? Obviously the kid's safety is paramount. If a parent is really unable to control a child to keep that child safe, well, they have to do what they have to do. Who are the rest of us to pass judgment unless we've had to deal with their kid?

Amy 1-12-2007 @ 3:24PM

Love them! My daughter is not a wanderer so far, but I have one and it lives in the diaper bag in case she starts wandering while we are out. If I had a dog I would put it on a leash to keep it safe, because you just never know when even a trained animal is not going to be able to resist the temptation of that squirrel and start runing away from you. Do I love my child less? Certainly not - I love her MORE so of course I want her to be safe while she is learning to be careful.