Oprah on being thirty-something in America

Balancing work and family. Does it ever change? I feel a need to put my family first, yet in so doing, jeopardize my ability to be taken seriously at work. When I put work first, my son suffers and my heart aches, so that's not even an option.

I suppose that the real issue is in living with my choice to be a mother first and a palynologist second. In the research science field, populated by men and by childless women, it doesn't go over well. In choosing family, I have become expendable in my field, overlooked and forgotten, and will never "get ahead". Oh well. For my son, anything.

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Work/family balance is always a challenge, but for me, it works better if I don't think in terms of "work first" or "family first." For me, it's not an either/or kind of thing. Sometimes, family comes first (for instance, I would never miss something that was really important to my spouse or child for work) and then in other situations, work comes first (no one is going to die if, every now and then, I'm not home in time for dinner). This flexibility has helped me accomplish what I desire in the workplace and be present as a parent--but again, that's just what works for me.

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So, perhaps part of Nicola's decision not to be a palyonologist for the time being would've been the fact the only research scientific occupation that is even CLOSE to that is paleontologist. Hmmm....maybe it isn't necessary to know how to spell one's occupation??? One wonders if the poor woman could DEFINE it! ;-)

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Do some research before you try to belittle someone else. Go to this link and educate yourself, T.Taylor. http://www.palynology.org/

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I would encourage all of you in your 30s not to give up but, do accept that who you are at this moment is okay. Both my wife and I were 37 when we met. Our families had given up on both of us. Neither of us had ever married or had children due to focusing on career. Our first child was born just a few months before my 40th and we will soon have our third child just after we turn 44. We're not regretful that we waited because we both feel this is what was meant for us. I'm blessed with a very happy family. I believe I'm a much better father than I would have been 20 years ago. Because we both focused on our careers early, my wife is now able to stay home with my girls and give them the ever-loving attention they deserve.

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I don't watch Oprah but that would have been interesting to see. Thanks Hamill, appreciate your remarks.

For me, it can be hard. I am 38, single. I belong to a church that is very profamily/marriage, etc. I would love nothing more to have a man to love me. I try my best to do what I need to in life. Yet it still can hurt and be hard when you feel you don't have anyone-ie no husband and no kids- to love you, etc

However, when I see the problems that so many in the world face, I try to remember that this challenge of loneliness is mild compared to the struggles others endure. Still, I keep busy w/work and the other things I need/want to do in life. I try to be positive and hope that someday there will be someone for me too.

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Good luck, Nita, I hope you find someone. But if you don't, try not to let the rest of the world get you down, I am happily married for the second time, but was unable to have children. I have to fight insecurity and anger everytime I am out with girlfriends whose world revolved around their kids for the last 15 years (pretty soon,it'll be grandchildren they are yapping about). I like hearing about the kids, but am so left out. It is a child obssessed society we live in and it can make you feel pretty bad. I get so sick of hearing about "moms' and how great it is to be one. As one of my childless friends and I say "It's not your kids we hate, it's you!!!!"
Take care!!

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I too focused on career and did not marry until I was 38. My husband and I tried were but were unable to conceive, then I faced a battle with early stage cancer. Now at 43, I am the mother of a son whom we adopted and we hope to adopt again soon. Sometimes I miss the workplace but I would not trade this time for anything. I don't really miss my 30s.

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Wow Terry Taylor (comment #3), that was harsh. I actually am a palynologist, while the man in the next office is a paleontologist. They lump us all together in the geology wing. But, thanks for taking the time to educate me. This is probably a lot of the reason that I find it difficult to balance work and family -- being that my work doesn't actually exist.

For the record, I was in a slump yesterday because I have to run a workshop next month that is causing a lot of headache, aside from the fact that it means being away from home for a week (my son is still nursing) and having to fly back in the middle of the night after our last day in order to not miss his birthday. I wasn't in the best of moods. I am blessed to be able to have the career that I love and also to have a family. It just isn't always easy!

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