I have to agree. Why are parents not monitoring their child's computer use? Afterall, Myspace.com has a rule that adults cannot view a child's profile if they are 14 or under. But, it is the child that LIES about their age and acts "grownup" in pictures, which entices these sick men and women. So, while I defend that it is wrong for an older man to hit on a minor, I also blame the child even more, because they are teasing and putting themselves out there for preditors by lieing and leading people on.... and then they wonder why they get raped, or harrassed. Don't blame the website. Its a very wonderful thing when used correctly.

I have gotten in contact with old friends, and even my old foster sisters. My parents and other family also have a myspace account, so if used correctly, just like with EVERYTHING... its harmless. Stop blaming Myspace! I really love the way this blogger posted this. Keep up the great work!

Reply

Don't blame the child. Sure, at 12-14 most kids know they're not supposed to lie about their age and act older, but do they really understand how serious it could be? They think it's harmless fun, and it's up to parents to teach them the dangers of what they're doing.

Reply

Dawn -
I am horrified by your preposterous idea that when a child is sexually abused by someone they met on the internet it is their own fault. No, MySpace is not at fault for providing the (no pun intended) breeding ground for all sorts of unhealthy relationships. Yes, children are children and are able to make decisions that may not be terribly smart, like lying about their age in order to meet someone more "mature". But when a child is lured into a 'relationship' with an adult who knows the laws, knows what sorts of relationships are appropriate or inappropriate, and is most of the time aware either of the child's actual age or at least their minor status, the child is not to blame. The pedophile commiting the crime is to blame. A normal adult male scanning MySpace is looking for someone to talk to, someone to connect with, someone to date, who is almost always close in age. A 40-year-old man looking to "connect" with a young boy or girl - even if they say they're 18 - is in the wrong. No matter what. Please reexamine your belief structure. Would you say a man who beats his wife is innocent because she is asking for it?

Reply

I can keep my girls off MySpace here at home and I can and do monitor their computer usage. I'm at a loss to know what to do with the easy access at school or at their friends' homes. So far it's not an issue but eventually it will be.

I said this in another post. Their friends have MySpace accounts which they set up at school. I don't allow them to use my computer. Kids as young as 11 and 12 have their own accounts.

I don't blame MySpace but I am glad they're taking more precautions.

Dawn, we can talk to our kids, we can teach them about danger, we can do everything we know to keep them safe.

They are still kids who often lack the maturity and judgment to make good decisions. That doesn't me they deserve what happens to them.

Your comment reminds me of the still prevailing attitude in some quarters about rape. "She must have deserved it somehow".

Reply

"That doesn't MEAN they deserve what happens to them"

Oops - long day.

Reply

Amen Emily! Yes, kids can't be anything more than KIDS while adults can choose to monitor their own motives and acts. Adults are considered GROWN-UP & get to live on their own & make responsible choices. Kids are NOT grown-ups & can't live on their own & are hopefully learning about making wise & responsible choices, but they are in a great learning process & the grown-ups need to help that along NOT interfere with their seduction & trickery on vulnerable kids! My 3 kids are now all over age 21, have all been my.space users for years, and I have also kept my own account because I learned real fast that it was just another way to stay connected to my children--- and their friends. I'm not active with it too often, but enough to read their messages & keep up with . Early on, we had opportunities to talk about about the pros & cons & etiquette of this "cultural phenomenon"... Most of the people on MY page include @ 25 young people that are either my own kids, grown-up kid's friends that I've known forever, neices & nephews,etc. It's a great way for me (a new grandmother now) to stay connected to them and keep us all talking TOGETHER.

Reply

Dawn, I am not sure what terrifies me more: you as a mother of a young girl, or you as a representative of a generation.

I thought our whole culture was beyond blaming ANY woman for her rape. It is truly shocking that you can even think this way. A child nor a woman is EVER to blame for having their body violated. NEVER. No means NO.

Ann, you should discuss banning Myspace with your schoolboard. I am surprised to hear it is allowed. Access is banned in the county I teach in. There is no computer in any school or facility that has access to that site.

Reply

My daughter is more interested in Club Penguin. I have myspace and also one that she uses (with my info) that is only visible to her friends and I log in to every day. Until they are older, I think myspace is more of a novelty. Her friends had it.. so she wanted to have them as her friends.

She can "say" she has myspace... but really they all gather at her Club Penguin house that she proudly earned points to turn into a snow globe.. lol. Maybe parents should look for alternatives and suggest them to their kids?? It is sort of a double edge.. parents want the safer places... but they dont want to have to submit the ID information or credit card... or actually pay for the safer places.

Reply

My daughter lied and said she was 19 to open her account..and how did I find that out? She told me she opened the account and the first time I looked at her account I saw that she put she was 19...I asked her why she lied (this was when I first heard about the site) she said cuz you have to be 14 to open an account (she was 13 at the time). I was livid!!! I reemed her little hiney left and right! I let her keep the account but I had to have access to it until she was 14. She is now 14. I am a friend on her list but I do not have the password anymore.

Her b/f just got his butt in trouble by bad mouthing his band director from school. one of his friends saw it and passed it on to the band directors wife...the school didn't punish him but his parents did.

So, all kinds of things can be seen and done on that site. Very Scary!

Reply

Although I'm far from having computer-literate kids, when I do, my current plan is to allow them computer access only via my computer and only in the main part of the house (no privacy, thank you very much). When they are adults they can do whatever they want, but while they are kids, it is my responsibility to protect them, especially from their own naivete.

Since I know kids can get around parents' rules by simply visiting a more indulged friend, I will also discuss with them (and with their frends' parents) the reasons why certain uses of the Internet can be unsafe. I would also strongly advocate that such messages be disseminated by the schools - age-appropriate messages to kids, as well as more mature messages to their parents.

With some things, it's not worth risking even one mistake. Child molestation falls into this category.

Reply