Well.. while the foster part is absolutely wonderful... the website is coercive. The section on parenting presents to discourage women from parenting their child and does not give resources to do so. The section on Abortion is ready to give a lot of warnings on the after effects(which are potentially true)... BUT the section on adoption shares nothing of the SAME after effects (and worse). Guilt, PTSD, Grief... all results of the loss of your child no matter which way you lose your child.

Here is probably their main Philosophy in their own words:
"God's design for children is that both their mother and father living together raise them. Any other arrangement is second best."

Whether you agree with their statement or not, I hope that all will agree that this particular tactic and line given to an expectant parent considering her options is coercion. Whether they charge for it -- or not.

Any agency that shares the above statement is not neutral - it has an agenda.

Good for the Foster Adoptions though.

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Christine,

I have seen your posts previously about coercion of single birth mothers, and I have been supportive because I believe it has sometimes occured (especially in the past). However, it is quite a stretch to say the existence of a Website stating opinions is "coercion." Anyone who can navigate to a Website can navigate away from it and find lots of examples of single women who have gladly kept their babies and raised happy, productive children. The mere existence of an information source that you voluntarily access can't make you do or feel anything. If an individual feels guilt, fear, or worry after reading a Website, he/she needs to look inside and try to figure out why, because it's a personal issue. The same is true if they voluntarily go to an orgainzation that is obviously about adoptions (e.g., "Antioch Adoptions") and are told such statements verbally.

And it isn't fair to imply that the cited Website hides the fact that birth mothers have painful feelings after placing their children for adoptions. It clearly says that they do.

You are entitled to your opinion, but it isn't right to mislead others in order to push your own agenda. It would be more helpful to provide more access to the "other side of the story," i.e., it is quite possible for a young single mother to raise a happy and healthy child. Meanwhile, let's not hide the fact that single motherhood has lots of drawbacks for the mom and the child. In today's world, young women see examples of both successful and unsuccessful single parenting, and this experience enables them to evaluate the rhetoric they hear on both sides. Ultimately it is up to each of us to weigh the conflicting issues, make a decision, and take ownership of that decision.

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Yes, but an expecting parent would be recieving this information/judgement/"guidance" face to face. The website is not for the benefit of those considering their options it is for the benefit of those looking for children. Absolutely anyone can navagate away from a website, but not everyone, especially when in a situation where you ARE having to weigh these options, can navagate away from face to face judgements. When you are going to people you trust, like a church sponsored program such as this, you should really be able to trust them. This tactic is manipulation.

Of course for those who really think that these women SHOULD be talked out of their children... then this (and places like it) is the place for you. Some people really think that.

If adoption is what someone wants, because they DONT WANT TO parent their child, then they should place. But no one should be subjected to "your child would be better off without you" tactics.

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Christine,

It can't be denied that any pregnant woman voluntarily approaching an organization called "Antioch Adoption" has already decided to consider adoption and cannot have any reasonable expectation of being talked out of it by such organization.

If you are saying that a pregnant woman is not competent to hear the pros and cons and make a decision, then first, I disagree with you; and second, if she can't take responsibility for this decision, how can one assume she is able to take on all the other responsibilities of being a mother?

I noticed you switched your terminology from "coercion" to "manipulation." That is closer to the truth. I agree the adoption agency has an agenda. I also agree that the agency is wrong in its opinion that a child is always better off being raised by a mother and a father. However, the agency is entitled to its opinion. It is better that they state it publicly than pretend they will offer unbiased counseling and then attack the mother on a private and personal level.

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Hmm. Adopting through the foster system is always low- or no-cost since you do this through your state. Cost is an issue with private adoptions, domestic or international, but generally not foster.

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I think you hit a couple important points SKL-- First was the first paragraph... approaching an agency for information should not equal talking into OR out of anything. The expectant parent should be treated as someone considering her/their options. They should be given no biased information.

As for taking responsibility for her decision... well part of that is also understanding that in certain cases you were fed faulty information. So a decision based on untruths or halftruths is not solely on the person's shoulders. The best that can be done is to say I made the best decision I thought I could with the information presented to me. Those giving the faulty information should really be dealt with. Seeking out the information in itself is a responsible act -- should the expectant parent not be entitled to be treated simply as a person seeking information rather then someone who's decision is already made?
Trying to make the best decision for your child and considering that it may or may not be you -- isnt that being a responsible parent? Just something to think about.

As for the terminology switch.. it was more of an addition. The two play off of each other. I went ahead and looked at synonyms and definitions... and really.. coercion is still the right word. Manipulation is just part of that coercion process.

The last paragraph we see eye to eye on. The issue is that these places DO offer "unbiased" counseling.

Even in this type of situation -- where they are touting themselves to be a no fee agency -- there is a supply and demand issue. Ultimately these places are businesses. If they get a reputation for not having babies to place -- then there goes their whole business. KWIM?

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Hi there! I'd like to add some notes here, as a parent who currently in the process of adopting two brothers from the state through Antioch Adoptions. I found this post because I occassionaly google things that are important to me, just to see what's out there.

Here's some additional random bits of inside information that some readers may like to know about Antioch.

1. Antioch Adoptins is NOT a business. Every adoption they facilitate costs them money, and they work hard to raise funds to cover those costs.

2. I think the issues raised around how to speak women thinking about giving up their babies for adoption is very important, and I think some criticisms of the posted information is fair.

I would like you to know that in practice, Antioch only works with open adoptions and spends a great deal of time educating potential parents on the emotinal sacrifice made by birth moms. Families adopting infants from birth moms through Antioch always do so with the idea that the birth mom is a very important part of their extended family. Even though we chose to adopt foster children, I have a great deal more respect and understanding of birth moms because of their training.

3. 90 percent of adoptions done through Antioch Adoptions are working with the state foster care system. There are a lot of costs involved with the adoption process, even with the state system. For starters, every adoption requires a lot of training and a homestudy. Normally this is paid by adoptive parents, and can quickly cost thousands of dollars. Technically these aren't much in the way of actual adoption fees, but there are real costs associated with foster-adoption. Antioch Adoptions provides all of this at no cost to the adoptive parents.

Also, because the state workers are so heavily overworked, we found it very, very helpful to navigate this process with the help of the workers at Antioch Adoptions who are familiar with the system. I would NOT recommend working directly with the state on this, individual social workers may mean well but I find the overall system very disfuntional. Antioch also has to cover the cost of paying for these additional staff to help families through the system.

4. Also, Antioch Adoptions is very informal about what it requires families to "give back." Most families choose to stay involved because the organization is remarkable and families choose to give back naturally. Antioch really runs on a shoestring - I've seen their offices! I can see first hand that the genuine priority there the kids.

No organization is perfect, and Antioch Adoptions isn't for everyone, but they are doing truly remarkable work that's very different from any other adoption agency that I know of.

Naomi

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