Writer says gay adoption does not support children's development

The Focus on the Family people really need to focus on the fact that its base has a 50% divorce rate. It is insane to focus on gay families (dual or single parent) when a huge number of kids in this country are being raised in the single (albeit heterosexul) parent households so theoretically harmful according to the (skewed?) research.

Which leads to another beef of mine. How 'bout those families with a parent deployed overseas? Aren't they essentially single-parent families for a least 18 months or more? And what of families who have lost a parent due to death? If the human race were so fragile that it could be irreparably harmed by the lack of two parents, I doubt we'd still be around.

There are always "optimal" conditions. However, this is the real world. If you're worried about families, do something constructive to help the failing ones and leave the functional ones alone.

Reply

I'll repeat my comment from your previous post about the Idaho Values Alliance
(http://www.bloggingbaby.com/2007/02/04/an-opposing-view-to-gay-people-who-choose-to-adopt/#comments):

If Focus on the Family is so concerned that every child have a mom and a dad, are they also planning on banning divorce and forcing single mothers to marry or give up their children to adoption by married straight couples?

Most of the lesbian couples I know (my partner and I included) make a point to bring men into our lives (uncles, grandfathers, donors, etc.) as examples for our children. At least one study has shown that because of this, sons of lesbian couples tend to have _more_ male role models than those of straight couples. Growing up without a father does not mean growing up without male role models--likewise for female role models and children growing up without a mother.

I also find it funny that those who are most likely to say boys must learn how to be men from their fathers, and girls must learn how to be women from their mothers are also those most likely to use the stereotypes of lesbians as masculine and gay men as effeminate. Gender roles are complex and interwoven here in the 21st century, and can't be reduced to stereotypes for either straight or gay people.

According to the 2000 US Census, less than 25% of all families consist of a married, opposite-sex couple living with their own (biological or adopted) children. This means that children in 75% of families are growing up, and doing just fine, in "non-traditional" homes. (If they weren't, we'd have even more societal problems than we do.) Preventing same-sex couples from adopting will, as you say, only keep many children from finding loving families. To say that it serves some greater need to help children keep their gender roles sorted out is archaic and insulting to both gay parents and all but the most conservative straight ones.

Reply

It seems to me that all the people out there against gay couples adopting are essentially saying that these children are not important enough to be adopted. I think it's ashame that people are too narrow minded to accept someone ar something different. You never know what goes on behind closed doors so even if a straight couple was to adaopt how do you know they aren't swingers or secret drug users? We know people are capable of leading seceret lives, look at all the cases of adoptive or foster parents who have sexually assaulted, enslaved, tortured, or plain abused the children in their custody but i guess thats better becuase they are straight rather than gay? And before anyone claims that whole being gay thing is wrong according to the bible let me point out that you are not supposed to judge others and he without the first sin shall cast the first stone. Its is not our place to judge but God's. I personally dont think being gay is wrong or right it just is. Perhaps, maybe it is a test, God said there would be tests and perhaps everyones judgement of whether being gay is right or wrong is a test. Just because someone leads a lifestyle you dont approve of doesn't mean you can say if they can have children or not. If their reasoning is because they dont have a father figure in their lives then all those kids that grew up with single mothers that grew up to contribute to society in a positive manner are just full of it? This is crazy and discrimination is discrimination no matter how you color it, and we as a part of a free country should not allow it! These children need a home not a place to stay a HOME with someone to love and care about them! That should be the most important thing here, not opinions on what lifestyle is acceptable and not!

Reply

Let's face it - what sane person takes anything Focus On The Family says seriously?

Reply

On the contrary, Michael. The six-year old's comments are so on point. We are talking about what is best for the child, right? A little input from a child in such a situation is totally relevant and much more valid than anything said by either his bleeding-heart "mother" or Focus on the Family.

Reply

I think gay adoptions are a form of child abuse. Think about it. A kid goes to school and in their early years of school if kids find out they have two mommies or two daddies, kids are going to make fun of them, and then those kids are going to be confused to what's going on. And that's not saying that the kids that are making fun are wrong, they have a mom and dad who are normal, who are bringing them up in a moral lifestyle. I don't have kids, but when I do, I will still let them know that humans were not created gay, it's a choice a person makes.

Reply

"I will still let them know that humans were not created gay, it's a choice a person makes"

Why would anyone "choose" a life in which they were constantly looking over their shoulder in fear of an attack? Where the rights heterosexuals take for granted don't apply to them? Where they are constantly subject to insults and hatred?

Reply

Gay couples are often willing to adopt children that heterosexual couples avoid. Children with HIV, older children, or children with special behavior or medical needs. Would Focus on the Family deny these children a loving family and prefer they are moved through the foster care system until they are 18 years old? To truely focus on the family would be to ensure that no children are left in foster care when there are loving families willing to adopt them.

Reply

I dunno, Ann, people choose all kinds of lifestyles that result in controversy for them. Interracial relationships spring to mind.

My point is that, regardless of whether homosexuality is a choice, it cannot logically be said to not be a choice merely because it is controversial. In fact, some people actually gravitate toward alternative-type lifestyles.

I myself believe that homosexuality is NOT a choice; however, gay adoption is indeed a choice - a bad one, IMO.

Reply

so Brett i take it you fully support Hitler and his actions against the Jews? Am i being silly? No more so than you. After all according to your way of thinking he was only picking on those that are different, same as the KKK they just don't like those that are different! If you allow children to pick on those that are different then they will attack all that are different, and i hate to burst your rosey little bubble or rock which ever it is your in or under. Is discriminating against color ok with you? what about hair color? Size? How long as it been siince you or your children ( oh thats right you dont have any!) have been in school? Kids these days will pick on others for any reason not having name brand clothes, the kind of house they live in, shoes etc. etc...... So if parents cannot provide those things that these children in todays soceity believe they are intitled to then the children should be taken away form them cause in your words its child abuse becuase they are being ridculed? So you would rather have a child being tortured, raped, and beaten by heterosexual parents then loved nurtured and being raised to be a productive part of society by homosexual parnets? So basically your saying that when you do have children your going to raise them to be narrowminded, not productive to society, racist individuals such as yourself? I know you didn't say anything about race but if you discriminate against one group of people that are different than you why not ust hate eveyrone that doesnt look, talk, walk, act, or sound like you? Before you start talking about who should and should not adopt look into how much of your tax dollars goes into the foster care program each year. How many children never get adopted and get bounced around from home to home and never have a stable enviroment (oh but I'm sure that doesn't effect them at all!), then when they turn 18 they are released with very few tools and no support system! But still its ok for them to go through all that than actaully be given a stable enviroment with parents who can provide them with a moral compass, and a loving HOme. All those out there that believe kids should not be adopted by a gay couple should tell all those children on national television that they DON"T MATTER cause that's what your basically saying why dont you ask a 16 year old foster child who doesn't have nor has had a normal childhood whether they would like to remain in Foster care or go to a loving home even with gay parents who can and are willing to provide them with the lifestyle that more closely resembles that of a normal 16 year old! When it come to these children is it in their best interest or yours? Are you against because you can't understand it and are afraid of it? Be honest people and for once be unselfish and actually put these kids first above your own selfich thoughts! If you dont want gays to adopt kids then where to you suppose these kids go? Now keep in mind that adaoption is rather expensive and you must meet the salary requirments also, so now whats your plan of action? Oh don't have one? I Didn't think so. These children need our help and a HOME not your bigotry!

Reply