Couple home-schools nine-year-old in sex ed
Categories: Just for moms, Kids 8-11, Teens & tweens, Development
I like to think I'm a pretty open-minded guy when it comes to sex. I have no problem using the word vagina with my kids. I think having them present during a gynecological exam might be a bit much, but I'm not going to get upset if someone else wants to use it as an educational experience. A couple in Rhode Island, however, went too far, I think, even for me. In order to teach her nine-year-old daughter about sex, Rebecca Arnold and her boyfriend, David Prata, routinely allowed the girl to watch while they did it.The girl, Prata said, was "usually on the bed watching us. We wanted her to know how to do it." When asked why he thought a nine-year-old needed to know about sexual acts, he replied "We wanted to prepare her so she would know how." The couple also admitted to having sex in the kitchen while the girl watched and that Prata watched pornography and masturbated while she was present. Now, Prata and Arnold are facing one to three years in prison and a fine of up to $1000.
There is so much that kids need to learn as they grow up that how to have sex can certainly wait until they're a lot older than nine. Plus, it seems to me, figuring out what goes where is half the fun of those early experiences. Hopefully, at the very least, the girl won't be seeing her mom and her boyfriend much any more.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Ann Adams 2-11-2007 @ 12:05PM
That's a little much, even for me.
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Anji 2-11-2007 @ 12:30PM
Oh for the love of all that is good... how could these parents POSSIBLY think this was even CLOSE to appropriate? *facepalm*
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Spring 2-11-2007 @ 12:46PM
One word: grooming.
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Tara 2-11-2007 @ 12:57PM
This is sexual abuse.
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Anonymous 2-11-2007 @ 1:02PM
I understand that sometimes accidents can happen and kids can catch their parents having sex. If there are repeated accidents, I think that would constitute habitual neglect. Intentional viewings of a sex act is child molestation.
How is this any different from a child molester exposing a child to pornography or masterbating in front of a child? That her mother is setting her daughter up for this should add incest charges to the mix.
I think the law should be a lot harsher on the mother and her boyfriend.
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Amy 2-11-2007 @ 6:13PM
I'm very surprised that the sentence would be so light. Thank God they never touched her, though.
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Lilly4241966 2-11-2007 @ 7:08PM
The author wrote "I think having (your child) present during a gynecological exam might be a bit much, but I'm not going to get upset if someone else wants to use it as an educational experience."
I have always wondered what other parents might think about me asking my 11 year old daughter to come to one of my gynological exams. She and I have a close relationship so she didn't seem uncomfortable when I asked her to sit with the doctor during my exam. The doctor was helpful and explained what he was doing and went over the anatomy with her. My hope was to lessen her fears and anxiety for when it was time for her first exam.
I know that many moms would not feel comfortable to have their daughter come to their exam but for me it turned out to be a positive experience. Now she isn't afraid of having an exam since the "unknown" has been removed and it has also showed her not to be ashamed of her body - especially in front of a doctor.
Anyway, I wondered what other mom's (and parents)thoughts were...????
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Ethel 2-11-2007 @ 7:34PM
#6 - the damage is much the same whether they touched her or not - ask my sister.
These folks obviously have no boundaries and were exposing their children to abuse. Why are people so horrible?
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Michelle 2-11-2007 @ 9:28PM
What were they thinking? Yeesh. More and more these days I'm in favor of a license to parent.
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SKL 2-11-2007 @ 9:52PM
I agree that this is over the line. But I have to say that these days, nobody seems to know where the line is, so I am surprised everyone is so shocked. Almost every other instance of exposing kids to sex has been embraced on this site as if it would be child neglect to withhold it. In this case, everyone is saying it's gross, but nobody is defining where that line is that was crossed by these parents, but not crossed by all the other parents / teachers / entertainers / politicians / "activists" who want younger and younger children to know, see, discuss, and experience various aspects of sex.
Our society has no moral compass in this regard. It's a wonder we don't have more of these cases. Maybe we do and just haven't discovered them yet.
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Sharon 2-12-2007 @ 9:34AM
Sounds to me like it was just a matter of time before the little girl got included "to make sure she knew what to do".
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Jessica 2-12-2007 @ 10:43AM
Sharon, I agree with you completely.
SKL, I do not know what you're referring to, exactly. I am thinking you're referring to sex ed practices in the public school system. If so, you're comparison is wayyyyyyyy off base.
If not, please explain further. I do not see how anything we do in this country in any way promotes what this mother did to her young child.
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Sandyone 2-12-2007 @ 2:00PM
Jessica, SKL's comparison is not way off base. The situations are different only in their degree. The posters on this story think it's horrible and inappropriate to expose the girl to her mother's sex activities. Many reasonable parents think that it is horrible and inappropriate to expose small children to any talk of sex (that doesn't come up in the normal course of events).
Are people assuming that the mother really thought this would be good for her daughter or do they assume that she was just saying that to try to get out of trouble? I think that colors how one views this situation.
The mother claims that she was just trying to teach her daughter. Sex ed in schools claims to just be teaching children.
Where do we draw the line? Who gets to draw the line? Why is it ok to draw the line somewhere in between what's being taught in school and what this woman did? Why are parents who want the line drawn earlier face so much ridicule and hostility? Why can't schools make all sex ed an elective, with parents making a concsious choice of where and how they want their kids to learn about sex? Those who think the school can do a good job can let the school do it. Those who think the school will mess it up can do it themselves.
What, exactly, is so different about what this mother did compared to what children are being taught in schools?
Related: A gynecological exam is a very different thing than sex. Giving birth is also very different. I don't think kids should be getting a full on view of the happenings of those two events, but I don't object to their being in the room for them (if all involved are comfortable with it).
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Jessica 2-13-2007 @ 10:01AM
I beg to differ, Sandyone, b/c I do not see how teaching kids about their bodies and STD's can be compared to allowing your child to watch your sexual practices. I really am not seeing the correlation between the two.
I do not disagree with your statements about allowing parents to decide when it is best to teach your children. And that is not the debate here. But I STILL do not see how this parent's sexual abuse is similar to educating kids in school, through literature and statistics. So i am going to continue with my "way off base" assumption.
What school district do you live in where their choice of teaching materials is akin to sexual abuse?
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Sharon 2-15-2007 @ 5:44AM
"What, exactly, is so different about what this mother did compared to what children are being taught in schools?"
I don't know where to even begin with this. You can't possibly believe that there's anything remotely similar between a textbook used in a classroom setting, and having your child watch you have sex.
My husband didn't take sex ed in school, & I had to explain to him the specifics of how a woman's body works (what periods were for, fallopian tubes, etc.).
And at least he knew that men's sperm determine the sex of the baby. Do you know how many women still get blamed for having babies of the "wrong" sex in some countries?
I took sex ed in school, and I feel fine. No traumatization here, just a few giggles with the other girls. I bet that little girl can't say the same. I had a few conversations with my mom about this topic as a teen, and they were incredibly uncomfortable. I much preferred school. It takes the mystery out, and gives the kids an open atmosphere to ask questions. And to be honest, I probably learned the most from my friends (not all of it accurate, to be sure). Whether you take a class or learn from your parents, kids will talk.
As with other topics discussed in school, why not talk with your kids about what they learned, and let them get your point of view on things?
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Paul Farmer 3-20-2007 @ 7:34AM
I want to know what the mom looks like. Has anybody seen any pictures of her?
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