I have two sons; Charlie is four and Henry is six. Henry has been diagnosed with ADHD and what may or may not be an autism spectrum disorder. My husband and I have knocked ourselves out in the past few years to get Henry the help and support he needs. Along the way, we have worried about what Henry's disability will mean for Charlie, who is completely neurotypical but is clearly not having a typical sibling experience.

In an article in Sunday's New York Times magazine, Her Autistic Brothers, Karen Olsson looks at the lives of siblings of autistic children. She profiles 14 year old Tarah Perry, whose twin brothers, Jason and Justin, 16, are autistic. Olsson writes, "Because of the particular challenges of autism, siblings of children with the disorder tend to have a harder time than siblings of children with other sorts of special needs: they enjoy fewer positive exchanges with their brothers or sisters and show more behavior problems themselves. Fewer positive interactions might simply follow from the fact that the disorders on the autism spectrum are characterized by social deficits - from difficulty with eye contact and absence of reciprocity on the milder end to total lack of speech in severe cases. But it has also been shown that typically developing children have trouble forming a concept of autism, which may itself have an impact on the way they relate to their siblings."

The article goes on to say two important things: first, there is no hard evidence that having an autistic sibling is detrimental to their neurotypical brothers and sisters; in fact, siblings of special needs kids often show increased compassion. Second, siblings like Tarah Perry and my Charlie need support systems just as much as autistic kids and their parents. Olsson offers a good look at life with a special needs sibling; the article, which is long, is entirely worth reading.

We're seeing a new psychologist, one who specializes in family therapy; she will see both of my sons for play therapy. We liked her right off the bat because she was as concerned about Charlie as she was about Henry, and because she sees our family as one unit, not as separate components. I have high hope for both my sons, but I know it won't be easy, for either of them.