Cliques - not just for big kids anymore

I myself was shocked to see this behavior and cliques beginning in kindergarten as well. My now 7 year old is in first grade, and it's very difficult to explain to her why these kids are so hateful, when we try to instill in her the very opposite. Of course, I believe it's the parents wholeheartedly. Its nevertheless sad and frustrating to see not only my child, but others being treated this way. All I can do is teach my daughter to be strong and move on if a child is rude or behaves badly. All the while reminding her of how important it is to treat others the way that she would like to be treated, and any friend worth having, will treat her and others as such.

Reply

Each year, younger and younger children become slave to the fashion trend, trying to "fit in" and really caring about looks and name dropping. Ive experienced this first hand with daycare and a nearby school. The younger it becomes, the more people want to "fit in". Which always leaves people like us who cant afford the $50 shoes or $100 jeans to become slave to cheaper, yet similar clothes. Because of this difference, the ones who look and act alike become this "clique" while the others stand on the outside wanting in. It has nothing to really do with the outsider not being the same, it has everything to do with the outsider not looking the same.

As sad as it is, I do believe the parents are to blame, even though sometimes, I think some parents dont really know that their child is the head of this clique.

I was never real cool until high school, but even in high school, I considered myself and others cool because we broke free of the clique and befriended people from all walks of the school. From goth to prep, from cheerleader to band geek. To help other kids out, I would like to mention that the ones in the clique are the ones who should be afraid. They have limited friends, limited knowledge of anything but the clique, so when they transistion to other grades/schools... they will be the outsider.

When my son gets old enough for this, I will instill upon him that great thought. The only way you are an outsider, is if you have no friends at all, so make as many as possible. Because someday, the leader of that clique, will want to join your "group"

Reply

I was picking up my son at day care one afternoon and noticed the 4 yr old girls were being especially nasty. They were not letting the one remaining boy play with them. I asked the director about this who happened to be in the room and she said it's common at that age - "age appropriate - or inappropriate" was her term. She said little girls are cliquey catty and mean. My daughter is turning 3 this spring - I'm scared - I hope that by having big brothers and preferring to play w/boys we might avoid this, but I think the previous posters make good comments that I will take to heart.

Reply

I think maybe we are making too much out of this. Little kids are not nearly as sensitive to social snubs as older kids (particularly teens) are. And alleged "cliques" at that age are usually very short-lived and interchangeable. When I was little, if someone said "I don't want to play with you," or "only girls without braids can play our game," usually by the next day or week, they had forgotten that and accepted me just fine. It was more about the play than the people.

When I told my mom that someone picked on me, e.g., "we don't play with girls with braids," her standard response was "they're just jealous of your pretty braids," etc. I didn't buy that, but it made me feel that at least my family thought I was terrific, and that was more important to me at that age.

Reply

It's the parents. One thing I've noticed is that the snotty little girls who treat my daughter badly have snotty moms. Not snotty to me, I don't talk to them, but it's because they were snotty to others and I just don't want to surround myself or children with those types of people.

One thing I've learned since this started (and yes, much younger for my kids than for me) is that even if you don't think you're a snotty, uppity, elitest, you sometimes are. Many parents refuse to speak to anyone who doesn't have the money, the visits to the beauty shop, etc. I have a very nice friend who lost her front teeth to bad dental work and rarely wears her bridge who is never spoken to based on nothing more than her lack of front teeth. And your children see this, and they copy it. Before being so quick to blame television, one must remember that we as parents are the FOREMOST example to our children, and how we react to things teaches THEM how they should. If you've ever been mean or talked badly about someone based on shallow things like looks/money, then you are the guilty party here. If you think you are better than anyone, then you are the guilty party here.

Disclaimer: The use of "you" is no attack on one person. It's a general use meant to make the reader to look into themselves.

Reply

Funny, just today I was walking between stores and saw a couple with their baby. I smiled at the baby's cute chatter as I passed them. Then I heard the mom say, "nice haircut," and since nobody else was around, I assume she was referring to the fact that my stylist had cut my bangs way too short today. Not sure why she felt compelled to comment; must have been a boring day or maybe she is insecure. But if that's what people model for their children, it's no wonder kids speak unkindly to each other.

Reply