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How daycare gave me a better kid
Filed under: Toddlers Preschoolers, Preschoolers, Work Life, Childcare, Day Care & Education
I was just reading Susan's post about looking forward to Mondays and I have to agree. Though I'm bummed about having to go off to work, the routine is calming.
When I was pregnant with my first, I remember envisioning myself as this perfect mom. You can read how some of those ideals went down the toilet, here. Perhaps the hardest thing to reconcile with myself was that I wasn't good at schedules. Oh sure, I made them, tried to abide by them, but, being an artsy type who doesn't wear a watch, I was never able to stick to them for more than a couple of days. Something always came up that intruded on the 10:30 AM snack and I would find myself scrambling to make Nate something to eat an hour too late. Naps often got pushed because we were at the grocery store too long, or some other excuse due to my poor time management. I always thanked my stars that I had been given a flexible, adaptable child.
He started his new daycare in a preschool setting in January and the change in my son has been dramatic. The highly regimented, stick-to-the-clock method of the caregivers has brought only positive developments. He no longer needs to fall asleep in my arms, nor does he cry when I place him in the crib. Mid-story he announces, "Mommy, I want my bed." He's eating better, he knows lots of songs and enjoys telling us about his day.
Though I'm often sad that I wasn't able to provide this for my boy, and that he has a whole life that I'm not a part of, I can finally stop feeling guilt about sending him off each day. Because you have to do what works for your family, and though it's far from perfect, this is how our family works. Literally.
I know I'm not alone. Be it daycare or school, families often get a lot from their time away from one another. Read Kristin's daycare pros, or follow Heather's great advice on smoothing the transition from parent to caregiver.
What's your experience with school or daycare been? How did you get over your initial guilt at leaving your child in the care of others?
When I was pregnant with my first, I remember envisioning myself as this perfect mom. You can read how some of those ideals went down the toilet, here. Perhaps the hardest thing to reconcile with myself was that I wasn't good at schedules. Oh sure, I made them, tried to abide by them, but, being an artsy type who doesn't wear a watch, I was never able to stick to them for more than a couple of days. Something always came up that intruded on the 10:30 AM snack and I would find myself scrambling to make Nate something to eat an hour too late. Naps often got pushed because we were at the grocery store too long, or some other excuse due to my poor time management. I always thanked my stars that I had been given a flexible, adaptable child.
He started his new daycare in a preschool setting in January and the change in my son has been dramatic. The highly regimented, stick-to-the-clock method of the caregivers has brought only positive developments. He no longer needs to fall asleep in my arms, nor does he cry when I place him in the crib. Mid-story he announces, "Mommy, I want my bed." He's eating better, he knows lots of songs and enjoys telling us about his day.
Though I'm often sad that I wasn't able to provide this for my boy, and that he has a whole life that I'm not a part of, I can finally stop feeling guilt about sending him off each day. Because you have to do what works for your family, and though it's far from perfect, this is how our family works. Literally.
I know I'm not alone. Be it daycare or school, families often get a lot from their time away from one another. Read Kristin's daycare pros, or follow Heather's great advice on smoothing the transition from parent to caregiver.
What's your experience with school or daycare been? How did you get over your initial guilt at leaving your child in the care of others?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
3-04-2007 @ 1:12AM
Liz said...It's refreshing to hear someone speak about the positive aspects of daycare (Such a nice change from "If you put your kid in daycare, you're a bad parent/you're neglecting your child/you're going against nature/your kid will grow up to be a serial killer/etc.")
Great post! :)
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3-04-2007 @ 8:48AM
Betsy said...At six months old, I decided to leave my daughter part time with neighbor who provides in-home care for a couple of children. I spoke with the other moms who keep their kids with her and interviewed her extensively. I really felt okay (as good as you can feel leaving your kid with a virtual stranger) about going back to work. The first few months were fine. I picked up my daughter and she was content and in one piece. I had that gut feeling, though, that maybe she wasn't getting as much attention as I would have liked. I brushed it off. People would say "of course she isn't going to get the attention her mother would give her." Well, Christmas time approached and up went the Christmas trees. Around this time my daughter was about 10 months old, newly walking and into everything. Long story short, she was left unattended and swallowed part of one of those cheap glass ornaments that shatter easily. It happened just before I knocked on the door to pick her up. The babysitter handed me my daughter and she began to cough blood. I immediately rushed her to the ER. She was okay, no harm done. To her. I was an absolute wreck. I stayed home with her for weeks. Out of necessity, needed to return to work. I searched high and low and finally found a day care that I absolutely love. It is at the local zoo. They have a curriculum, even for the tiny children. Everyday, I pick her up and get a little report card on how her day went. When I walk in the door, my daughter is all smiles and covered in dirt and food (like she had an active and fun day). The teacher has been working on signs with the kids and my daughter has already learned the signs for more, eat and please. I couldn't be happier now and I actually enjoy going to work and knowing that she is happy and safe. Plus, no christmas trees.
P.S. When you click on my name it takes you to some insane website, insted of my blog. If you'd like to read my blog: www.iknowur.blogspot.com.
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3-04-2007 @ 10:00AM
Belinda said...I can't WAIT until we are able to afford day care. My daughter needs it, she needs to have friends her own age and needs the structure. There has NEVER been a schedule in my home, I work days my fiance works nights so someone is always at home with our daughter because we can't afford day care on wal-mart pay. Even if we COULD no one can get a set schedule so that we can be there to drop her off and pick her up. I work from 9 in the morning to anywhere about 9 at night depending on my shift and my fiance works 9:30/10 to when ever in the morning, just making sure he is home so I can get to work on time. My daughter NEEDS it on so many levels and I only wish I could afford it.
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3-06-2007 @ 12:41PM
Ginny said...Day care, for my children, was so much fun. That's where they made their first friends. That's where they learned how to write their names. That's where they learned that it's OK to be away from Mommy and Daddy...and that I would be there every evening to get them. My son, who attended day-care/pre-school from the age of 3, went into kindergarten this year more prepared than if I would have kept him at home with me. My daughter will be entering kindergarten this fall already equipped to handle it. Yes, it IS nice to see a post about the positive aspects of day- care.
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3-10-2007 @ 9:07PM
Devra Renner said...Absolutely you need to do what works for your family, after all, YOU are the one living with them. Anyone else casting judgments about what you decide isn't. Although maybe you could invite them to live with you and help out instead of tsk tsking from afar. Right? ;)
Aviva and I have a goal of absolving guilt...One mommy at a time. Today it was you!
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3-24-2007 @ 9:09PM
Jodi said...It's hard not to feel guilty, but I really agree with the post here. Daycare has been great at showing my child how to share, how to nap, and in general, how to get along in society. I also love when she learns something that I just wouldn't have thought of teaching her.
We go to a mommy and me class on Saturdays, and I have fun watching her interact. I'm so impressed with how she waits her turn, and is polite to the other children. She now has a baby brother, and is so nice and polite to him too. I'm just very impressed in general.
Of course, it's difficult when she wants mommy to stay home with her, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't guilty at all. I just hope that the trade offs that we are making are worth it in the end!
Jodi
http://www.momsfavoritestuff.com
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