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How to make rules that work
Filed under: Development/Milestones: Babies
The other day I wrote about being a mom who says no. Yesterday I was talking to a psychologist about this concept, and she said, "It's not so much about saying NO as it is about finding ways to say YES." Saying NO all the time can be exhausting and frustrating, for parents and kids; what she suggested instead was that parents work to find acceptable alternatives. I do a lot of this with my own sons. They aren't allowed to jump off the furniture, for example, but they know that they are always welcome to put their shoes on and go out in the yard, where they CAN jump off the swing set. Less yelling for me, less frustration for them. It's all good.
To make this work, however, you need to have rules that work for your family. Christina Frank offers some useful suggestions for setting house rules, starting with, "Be honest with yourself about what's most important to you." It's easier to enforce rules--and for kids to understand them--if they are consistent, and the best way to be consistent is to choose carefully when you make rules.
Keep in mind, too, that your rules don't need to be the same as everyone else's; what works for one family will not work for another. I have friends who let their kids eat all over the house, but honestly, that's not something I can do. My kids are expected to sit at the kitchen table or at their little art table to eat, and they know that, and it's not an issue, most likely because we're consistent about it.
Finally, Frank reminds parents to be flexible. As kids grow and change, the rules may change, too. She also points out that if you're serious about the rules, YOU need to follow them, too.
Guess I'll have to stop jumping on the bed.
To make this work, however, you need to have rules that work for your family. Christina Frank offers some useful suggestions for setting house rules, starting with, "Be honest with yourself about what's most important to you." It's easier to enforce rules--and for kids to understand them--if they are consistent, and the best way to be consistent is to choose carefully when you make rules.
Keep in mind, too, that your rules don't need to be the same as everyone else's; what works for one family will not work for another. I have friends who let their kids eat all over the house, but honestly, that's not something I can do. My kids are expected to sit at the kitchen table or at their little art table to eat, and they know that, and it's not an issue, most likely because we're consistent about it.
Finally, Frank reminds parents to be flexible. As kids grow and change, the rules may change, too. She also points out that if you're serious about the rules, YOU need to follow them, too.
Guess I'll have to stop jumping on the bed.
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