Jamie Krug: What If It's Getting Better?
Daniel Donahoo: The Evolution of Parent-School Engagement
The Bermuda Triangle of friendship
Filed under: Big Kids
Ellie has two sets of friends; home friends and school friends. Because she attends a private school miles away from home, there is no overlap in these two sets of pals. Her home friends go to a different school and her school friends live in different neighborhoods. There is, however, a big similarity in these two groups; they both consist of three girls, Ellie being one of them. Ever since preschool, Ellie has repeatedly found herself one of a group of three. These girls all get along fine in combinations of two. But when the third girl is added to the mix, things get a little complicated. I don't know if boys do this, but girls seem to be very possessive about their friendships.
At school, depending on who gets there first, one of the three is usually left feeling like a third wheel. Sometimes the rejection is subtle, other times it borders on cruel. It could be any one of the girls; it changes from day to day. When I pick up Ellie every afternoon and begin the "how was your day?" conversation, it is immediately apparent which girl she was that day.
The same thing happens at home, but there I at least have the advantage of my own friendship with the girls' mothers. We tuned in to this rivalry early on and tried to help them work it out, but I don't know how successful we have been. To avoid any problems, Ellie sometimes requests that only one of the girls come over to play. That solves the problem only temporarily as the third girl is still being left out in the cold. Do you have this problem with your child's friends? How do you help them deal with it?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
3-15-2007 @ 12:05PM
Bellie said...I remember this happening with my two best friends and I in preschool! AND I had a different set of two best friends in middle school and the fights were horrible. I feel like in my adult life there are still problems however we are much more mature about it, but the jealousy is still there. I would recommend introducing a fourth girl to even them all out. 2 girls or 4 is always fine, there is something bad about 3.
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3-15-2007 @ 9:53PM
Cassie Lyn said...I had a relationship like that all through elementry. The difference however was that I was always the odd man out. It never bothered me for some reason unless they went overboard on the teasing. I still thought they were great friends.
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