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No photos, please; we're praying
Categories: That's Entertainment
I'm one of those parents who always carries a camera. I keep a little digital in my bag all the time, and I take pictures of my kids everywhere--at the park and the playground and the coffee shop and in the car and at play dates. I love how easy it is to record their lives, and the best pictures I've taken of them have been at odd, spontaneous moments when they were just being themselves. (I took the picture at the right in a little cafe where the boys and I go all the time.)
I know that I'm not the only one who does this. Go to any school production and every adult there has some kind of camera. We take for granted that this is the new norm, this constant recording of our kids' lives.
This week, my four-year-old's preschool class is participating in the Stations of the Cross at school. The preschool kids will help the first graders lead the stations for the whole school. The Stations of the Cross, for those of you not familiar with this, is a series of meditations designed around Jesus' progress toward the cross; there are special versions of this ritual for young children. It is a peaceful time to reflect on personal sacrifice and forgiveness, among other things.
Yesterday, Charlie brought home a nice note from the school principal, inviting parents to join the children for the stations. And at the bottom of the note was this reminder: "This is a religious service not a performance. (No photos may be taken.)"
I was a little surprised by this, not because I was planning to take pictures in the church, but because the principal--who is not the type to over think or over worry things--felt that she had to remind parents NOT to do so. It made me wonder: have we gotten so invested in recording our children's lives that we have forgotten that there are some moments--of prayer or meditation, for example--that are not meant to be recorded?
When my oldest son was in the NICU, and was hooked to a variety of machines, I refused to let anyone take pictures; I didn't want to remember that part of his life. Of course, the image of him with the ventilator taped to his little tiny face is seared in my memory, and when he asks about it, I tell him. I don't regret not photographing that moment, and I think that even now, there are moments that don't need a physical record. I can't imagine I'm the only one who feels this way.
Do you try to record everything? Or are there moments that are specifically camera-free?
I know that I'm not the only one who does this. Go to any school production and every adult there has some kind of camera. We take for granted that this is the new norm, this constant recording of our kids' lives.
This week, my four-year-old's preschool class is participating in the Stations of the Cross at school. The preschool kids will help the first graders lead the stations for the whole school. The Stations of the Cross, for those of you not familiar with this, is a series of meditations designed around Jesus' progress toward the cross; there are special versions of this ritual for young children. It is a peaceful time to reflect on personal sacrifice and forgiveness, among other things.
Yesterday, Charlie brought home a nice note from the school principal, inviting parents to join the children for the stations. And at the bottom of the note was this reminder: "This is a religious service not a performance. (No photos may be taken.)"
I was a little surprised by this, not because I was planning to take pictures in the church, but because the principal--who is not the type to over think or over worry things--felt that she had to remind parents NOT to do so. It made me wonder: have we gotten so invested in recording our children's lives that we have forgotten that there are some moments--of prayer or meditation, for example--that are not meant to be recorded?
When my oldest son was in the NICU, and was hooked to a variety of machines, I refused to let anyone take pictures; I didn't want to remember that part of his life. Of course, the image of him with the ventilator taped to his little tiny face is seared in my memory, and when he asks about it, I tell him. I don't regret not photographing that moment, and I think that even now, there are moments that don't need a physical record. I can't imagine I'm the only one who feels this way.
Do you try to record everything? Or are there moments that are specifically camera-free?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
daddyclay 3-29-2007 @ 3:21PM
We made the same decision about photos of our preemie. Interesting. I'm also an avid shutterbug and a blogger/web guy. Obviously you feel comfortable sharing pics of your kids online. I'm moving in that direction. Was there a decision process on that subject?
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Tamyu 3-29-2007 @ 4:01PM
I record everything. Other than in situations where it wouldn`t be appropriate.
We have pictures from every single day of my son`s NICU stay. For us, it wasn`t a short thing, and I really saw no reason not to record it. What if your child had died? Would you not have wanted a record of that short life? I know we certainly did, recording even days when my son was on the brink of death. He survived, but I can never imagine regretting recording each and every day of the 5 months he was in the NICU.
I can even look back at the pictures and smile because it`s all the clearer to me now how much he was fighting.
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Victoria 3-29-2007 @ 9:38PM
I can't comment on the hospital issue, but I will on the religious issue. The principal probably included the note because in the past someone has been disruptive by taking photos during the service (even if unintentionally so). I know that at my church the pastors specifically say "no photos" during baptisms, and even so, someone's uncle who wasn't told about it will usually be up there trying to get a shot. It really does distract from the ritual. Instead, the family can take photos in front of the baptismal font with the pastors after the service.
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anna 3-29-2007 @ 10:55PM
I also captured every moment of my son's NICU stay, and wouldn't have it any other way. But I can respect those parents who don't want a physical reminder of that difficult time.
The religious aspect is different--I am okay with that reminder, much like the reminder you sometimes see at weddings, asking you to refrain from photography in the church.
Anna
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maria 3-30-2007 @ 9:11AM
I wish I'd taken more photos of my son's CICU stay. W/his first surgery (1 1/2 days old) we took several - before - esp b/c we were afraid he wouldn't come back to us) and then in recovery. But w/his second (6 mos old) we didn't take any. My Mom says I didn't want any - either time - I really don't remember it that way - but my new baby was facing open heart surgery and I was trying to hold myself together. W/his third when he was 2 we took a lot - but we were confident he'd do well and it was kind of a scary/happy situation (get this last major hurdle behind us)
I do understand though why you wouldn't want to take pictures of that time. To me tho the time is such a blur and I like having that terrible picture of him post-op to compare to the wonderful loud 5 yr old I have now.
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atmhockey 3-30-2007 @ 10:54AM
Our twin girls were born 11 weeks premature and we have at least one picture of them for each day they were in the NICU. It was very painful experience, but I want my girls to have a reminder when they get older and think life is rough, that they have already been through the worst...and they got through it safe and sound. For us, The NICU stay was never about fear or death...it was about hope and faith.
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LS 3-30-2007 @ 4:06PM
I didn't have the NICU decision to make, thankfully, and my heart goes out to all of you who did. It's good to see that in each of your cases, those stays ended happily.
My "photo-ban" was in the delivery room. My father in law goes NOWHERE without that awful video camera (VHS, with that obnoxious spotlight), and I told my in-laws that I would tell the nurse in charge of the maternity ward that if they came anywhere NEAR the floor with that d* camera, they were to be kept out for the duration of our stay! They didn't want to believe me, but they didn't challenge me, either. I didn't mind my husband and our dinky film camera, b/c he respected my wishes for no photos during labor and stuff, so we have some beauties of our son at about 5 minutes old.
We also have nice pics from our son's baptism, because I asked one friend to take photos, and arranged it with our priest ahead of time. He talked with my friend and basically said, "you can be here or there, but not over here" during the ceremony. We then made the photos available to friends and family that wanted them. It was a nice compromise.
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