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Painful sex after giving birth?
Filed under: Your Pregnancy
Ask a group of first-time mothers who are nearing the end stretch of pregnancy and you'll have at least a couple who will say "I don't know how a baby is expected to come out down there!" While I believe it is very important to realize that your body is created the way nature (and, in my case, God) intended, the logistics seem a little iffy if you don't have any previous experience.
Once my children were born, I couldn't help but be absolutely scared to eventually get back to doing the deed. I had more than one person warn me about the first post-birth poop, but nobody wanted to talk about the first post-birth sexual experience.
I'm not going to lie. It hurt. Not only did it hurt, but breastfeeding tends to play my libido like a fiddle, so the entire scenario was less than ideal.
According to one study, it turns out that I'm not alone. Many women, especially those that had forceps-assisted births, had painful sex, urinary incontinence or decreased libido.
Fourteen months after the birth of my last child, I'm still waiting to get back to normal. I had about eight months of exclusive breastfeeding and we're still in the long process of weaning. Even though we're down to one or two breastfeeds a day, my body (and the hormones) is still trying to stay in "No Libido Mode."
With sex everywhere in our society, I often feel alone in my struggles. Is it normal still to have these issues this long after birth? Or is everyone else jumping back in the sack the night they come home from the hospital?
Once my children were born, I couldn't help but be absolutely scared to eventually get back to doing the deed. I had more than one person warn me about the first post-birth poop, but nobody wanted to talk about the first post-birth sexual experience.
I'm not going to lie. It hurt. Not only did it hurt, but breastfeeding tends to play my libido like a fiddle, so the entire scenario was less than ideal.
According to one study, it turns out that I'm not alone. Many women, especially those that had forceps-assisted births, had painful sex, urinary incontinence or decreased libido.
Fourteen months after the birth of my last child, I'm still waiting to get back to normal. I had about eight months of exclusive breastfeeding and we're still in the long process of weaning. Even though we're down to one or two breastfeeds a day, my body (and the hormones) is still trying to stay in "No Libido Mode."
With sex everywhere in our society, I often feel alone in my struggles. Is it normal still to have these issues this long after birth? Or is everyone else jumping back in the sack the night they come home from the hospital?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 2)
3-29-2007 @ 2:45PM
Susan Wagner said...Do you remember the Mad About You episode where Jamie confesses that they were supposed to wait six weeks after the baby's birth to have sex and not six MONTHS like she told Paul?
If my husband hadn't been paying such close attention, I absolutely would have tried that six month thing on him, too.
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3-29-2007 @ 4:19PM
Lisa J. said...I remember being ready for love by the time my doctor said I was good to go, which I think was around 8 weeks or so. But I have friends who took a lot longer to feel the urge and others who felt it sooner. It seems like one of those situations where there is no "normal."
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3-29-2007 @ 2:54PM
Ethel said...No libido, and it hurt. My 2nd son is almost 9 months and exclusively breastfed, so that makes sense libido wise. It took 6 months for bladder control to really come back all the way, and the 2nd degree tear had ridges for a long time. However, he was 10lbs 5 oz and my 1st baby was born c-section and I was raring to go after having him! He was breast fed and everything, but we, excuse me, I, couldn't wait.
I don't regret having my 2nd vaginally now, but for a while I really thought I made a big mistake pushing for that VBAC. From the pain when his shoulders were being born (why did that hurt so much worse then his head?), to the stiches, to peeing when I coughed and the subsequent yeast infection on my skin from being wet - you know, not being able to get up and change that quickly with a 6 month old and a 24 month old.
All in all it was really rough for me. I am almost all back, with the exception of libido since I am really the one who fills that baby's tummy. I am just glad that it wasn't as bad as some (ie fistulas or 3rd degree tearing.) But the worst was the incontinence, that was so shameful! It is now and I am only sharing it becuase it might help someone else. That really sucked.
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3-29-2007 @ 3:40PM
MamaChristy said...It's normal to have an ebb and flow of libido, right? At least, that is the way it has always worked for me. Hormones have something to do with it, but being the parents of two very young children has something to do with it as well, I would wager.
I was terrified about resuming that part of our lives and I told my husband that I didn't want to until I had been to the doctor for my post-partum check-up - seven and a half weeks after our son was born. He was so patient with me about how long I wanted to wait and then with the act itself; I feel very fortunate.
With my husband working long hours and me chasing after a two-and-a-half year old, there are times when we still look at each other and say "it's been HOW long?" But neither of us are feeling bad about it or disconnected from one another, so it's okay for us right now.
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3-29-2007 @ 3:46PM
Lauren said...Six weeks!?? Ha!
I had a big baby (9lb 13oz) and a fourth degree tear, so that area was off limits for a good three months. When we did resume, it was like having sex for the first time all over again - awkward, clumsy, and not so great. We had a few good laughs about it later.
As for the pain, we nursing mamas have very little hormones available to create natural lube, so using KY can help with dryness and pain. Things usually get better with time.
As for the peeing, I wish I had better news to report, but I wet my pants "for fun" a good ten months after she was born! It took me almost a full year postpartum to get back to normal.
You are not alone!
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3-29-2007 @ 4:23PM
hp said...Well, I had a small baby (
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3-29-2007 @ 4:24PM
hp said...Well, I had a small baby (
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3-29-2007 @ 4:24PM
hp said...Well, I had a small baby (
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3-29-2007 @ 4:30PM
hp said...For crying out loud . . . does anyone else have the issue of posting comments here crashing your browser and just acting weird in general?
Well, I had a small baby (under 6lbs) but plenty of stitches down there. I had a good delivery nurse who slapped on an ice pack as soon as the OB was done stitching, so the only real pain I experienced was the stitches-drying-out itching about 3 weeks pp.
Sex was ouchy for about 3 mouths pp due to the scar tissue--then it seemed to stretch out a bit.
Desire died about 3 months pp--not due to breastfeeding, but due to the mini-pill.
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3-29-2007 @ 4:34PM
Amy said...I got Estrace cream from my doctor to help with the first couple of times - it has estrogen in it, and is commonly used for women in menopause, although it works for nursing moms too. The first time wasn't ideal, but it didn't hurt. I think we waited 10 weeks, but that's because my bleeding went on forever.
This time I'm 2.5 weeks postpartum, and my bleeding is almost over, and I still have Estrace and some Astroglide (WAY better than KY) in the top drawer. I don't expect any problems.
The first post-baby poo is way worse. Last time I got an anal fissure (OUCH). This time I said, "Screw colase," and took Milk of Magnesia. I had the runs for 3 days, but no fissure and no hemis. I highly recommend MoM! If I have any more kids, I will use it again, and plan to recommend it to all of my pregnant friends. It was seriously SO much easier.
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3-29-2007 @ 5:07PM
Sharon said...We have a 2 1/2 year old, and a 15 month old, and we're still trying to get back to normal. Obviously after my oldest was born, we got right back into action - mostly because I had heard it was painful & wanted to get it over with! KY was definitely involved, for quite a while.
Some of my moms group friends seem to have resumed their sex lives way better than my husband & I have. All of them are quite a bit younger than me, I'm hoping that's why! We are both honestly just too tired most of the time. Having 2 toddlers doesn't leave alot of time for doing anything other than child care then collapsing when they go to bed!
The incontinence thing was a big issue for a long time. I still worry about it every now & then (especially during a sneezing fit, those darn allergies!). Doing Kegels helped tighten that muscle back up.
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3-29-2007 @ 5:07PM
Amanda said...OH MY GOSH
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3-29-2007 @ 5:07PM
Amanda said...OH MY GOSH
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3-29-2007 @ 10:09PM
Kellie said...It hurt like hell for 4 months. So much so that we couldn't do and I had a c-section. So I had no idea why it was hurting. I went to my OB and she told me everything looked fine down there and that I needed to go to sex counseling since I didn't seem to want to have sex with my husband. I wanted to punch her in the face because I totally was ready to have sex with him and wanted to.
She finally did a pap and found that I had a yeast infection and that was why it was painful. 24-hours after the first dose of the antibiotic we had sex and it didn't hurt one bit.
Then 6 weeks later I had no desire anymore and that lasted for a 6 months. Hormones suck sometimes.
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3-29-2007 @ 5:33PM
Stephanie said...I found it hard to build desire back up too, and yes, some pain. I still fight exhaustion sometimes, and my kids are 4-1/2 and 2.
It was harder on me after #2. My son was born by C-section, and I found that much harder to recover from on every level than giving vaginal birth, even though my first was not small (8 lb 9 oz, with a 95th percentile head).
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3-30-2007 @ 8:48AM
Mammacheryl said...It took me more than a year to feel a lot of pleasure from sex. It hurt, even with lube. Felt like I was structured differently in there, and the positions we loved before didn't feel so good anymore. Another problem I still have (15 months later) is with clitoral stimulation. Something bad happened when I had my catheter put in after my epidural during labor. The catheter hurt really bad going in and coming out, but nobody listened to me. Felt like the nurse was pressing on my clit really hard with her thumb until it bruised. Now, I can't stand any clitoral stimulation at all. Any touch in that region feels like a hard punch. Not pleasant at all.
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3-29-2007 @ 6:35PM
Marcia said...I had an episiotomy that healed very quickly with a nearly 7lb baby... waited 4 days haha but thank goodness no pain.
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3-29-2007 @ 7:53PM
Lil Liberal said...I had a teensy tinsy tear (2 stitches) because the idiot doctors were prying me open instead of applying counter-pressure, and they refused to let me squat.. But all things considered not too bad considering they kept saying "OH MY GOD HIS HEAD IS HUGE" and the fact that my cervix and birth canal opened up nicely and thus didn't compress his head much/at all .. So when his head came out there was NO conehead.
I refused to have sex until... Well.. Last night. My son was born on December 15. That means he's about 3 1/2 months old. :p
It wasn't too bad. But I waited until I was ready (mostly). It just felt sort of dry/stretchy for the first few minutes until my body got used to it. Then it was.. REALLY good. I didn't have an orgasm though. Usually I have multiples. =\ So that bit is still taking time to come back.
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4-02-2007 @ 10:59AM
travelmama said...Oh dear, my daughter is 3 years old and our sex life STILL isn't back to normal. But it took quite a while after she was born to do anything: with a 3rd degree tear and some stitching that left me sore, it was way longer than 6 weeks, I can tell you. Maybe 3 months? The first several times hurt like hell and were very unpleasant for me, and I can't think my husband had much fun - he was very patient but it was like delflowering a virgin all over again, maybe even worse. We did use the lubrication but it just felt awful to me. I'm now pregnant with my second and am not looking forward to that phase again where sex is a chore. The crap we have to go through...
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3-30-2007 @ 2:09AM
Rika said...Our baby girl is 7 weeks old. At my 4 week check up my doc said everything had healed up well and we could try if we wanted.
Ha! Yeah right! That hurt! Not horribly mind you but it was enough to not be fun and Hey whats the point if it isn't fun.
My sex drive went back to normal about 2 weeks before she was born, so now that my body is catching up we're great.
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