Does adding a second kid change everything?

Ruin it, No. Change it, Yes. Our son, the first born, was very jealous of his baby sister. And his behavior changed dramatically when she came along. That being said, some five years later, they are the best of friends. There is still an element of jealousy and competitionl; like he never got over the loss of our total attention. But without her he'd be missing a huge influence in his life. I just can't imagine his not having his sidekick.
~cce@ http://www.madmarriage.com

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Yes - yes yes. It IS harder, but only depending on the age difference between number 1 and 2. We have 12 months, 2 weeks between our two - and since our first isn't yet able to fully converse (he is only 21 months), he is going through the tantrums, frustrations, etc. AND I am also dealing with a 9-month old 'bliss' of trying new foods, starting to become mobile, etc.

With one, we went out to dinner ALL THE TIME, etc. but we don't now. Not because of number 2 though, just because of number 1's current mode (terrible twos).

I think once you can reason with the older child, it isn't so bad.

And yes - once they are both fully conversational, etc., I think it will be GREAT... instant playmate (and enemy, I suppose).

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I think "only children" almost always turn out selfish and weird.

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Two is harder...but also kind of easier. My two boys are 20 months apart and are the best of friends. It was baby number three that turned my organized life upside down...in a good way :)

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My two are 16 months apart, and it WAS harder when the second came along. Managing two babies was extremely difficult for the first few months. Since then, however, it's been pretty fantastic. They are each others' best friends so I never have to arrange playdates (I am not the most social person) or entertain them (I get bored easily playing kid games). A previous commenter mentioned that once you have two, you are a family, and I think this is absolutely true, but in a good way. Instead of all the focus being on our first-born, we are all focused on the family as a whole. It's freeing, in a way.
Now we're thinking about #3 (current kids are 3 and 4 right now) and I wonder what THAT is going to do to the family dynamic.

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One old saying that I've heard is that if you're going to have two that you may as well go right ahead and have three or four. As crazy as it sounds, there's some truth to this! You really see an increase in family activity with the addition of a second baby you've become acclimated to the routine and are a bit more organized by the time that you have the third. So much depends on the personality and health of each child.

As long as there's enough of the basic necessities and your energy and love to go around, I say the more the merrier!

www.unique-baby-gear-ideas.com

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Even though I'm a dad and not a mom, I can so totally understand your fears and uncertainty with having your second child. My son (who is now almost 4), was an only child until my wife was pregnant with our daughter (who is going to be one later this month). My fear was not so much with taking care of two children-- it was that I would not have enough love to go around for both kids, and that I couldn't possibly love another child so much the way I love my so. Well, guess what? As soon as my daughter was born, the issue just totally went away!!

Sometimes it's hard (especially dealing with the two sometimes arguing and fighting-- and I am, admittedly, still trying to get used to this), but overall, it's such a gift to have both my kids. It is wonderful to see how my son looks after his baby sister so much, and tries so hard to take care of her.

So, don't let those naysayers tell you otherwise-- as long as you feel you can handle it (and yes, you can!), go ahead and have another baby. It changes, but for the better!

Take it from a stay-at-home dad who hears a lot of negative comments that were intended as parenting "advice"-- go for it!

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