Is there such a thing as too much help?
Categories: Fun & Activities
I have a confession: sometimes I think it's easier to take care of my kids by myself, without any help. Sometimes, when my husband is home and helping, everything seems to take twice as long and be twice as stressful.
My husband is a great guy, and a terrific father; he never hesitates to do whatever needs to be done for the boys. In the first week we were home from the hospital after Henry was born, my husband changed every single diaper. EVERY SINGLE ONE. These days, he makes lunches and makes beds and sorts laundry; he plays pirates and Go Fish and spends endless hours drawing pictures of Batman and Superman with the kids. He has taken them camping and to the movies and out to dinner, all by himself. Every single weekend, he takes them somewhere--the library or the park or Starbucks--for an hour or so, just the three of them.
I have no complaints about my husband. But we do things differently, he and I, and sometimes, when I am tired or when we are in a hurry, it is harder to have this other person, who does things differently, helping out. When my sons were babies, they were on a fairly predictable routine of eating and napping; somehow, on the weekend, when my husband was home, the routine would go all to hell, and we would all wind up cranky. These days, I take the kids to school in the morning, and we have a routine; when my husband takes them, he doesn't know the routine, and the kids get confused and he gets frustrated and I get stressed out.
I've asked other stay-home parents, both moms AND dads, about this, and they all seem to agree: when you are the primary caregiver, you have your groove with the kids, and it is disruptive to have someone else taking charge. It's not so much a case of preferring your way of doing things to your partner's (although that may be a factor)--it's more a sense that when BOTH of you are trying to help the kids get ready to go somewhere, it will be more chaotic than if just ONE of you was in charge.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not romanticizing single parenthood. My husband travels for business, and when he's gone I count every second until he returns. But sometimes, it's just easier to have ONE set of rules and ONE schedule and ONE person giving directions.
What about you--is it easier to just do it yourself, or do things go more smoothly when your spouse or partner is there to share the work?
My husband is a great guy, and a terrific father; he never hesitates to do whatever needs to be done for the boys. In the first week we were home from the hospital after Henry was born, my husband changed every single diaper. EVERY SINGLE ONE. These days, he makes lunches and makes beds and sorts laundry; he plays pirates and Go Fish and spends endless hours drawing pictures of Batman and Superman with the kids. He has taken them camping and to the movies and out to dinner, all by himself. Every single weekend, he takes them somewhere--the library or the park or Starbucks--for an hour or so, just the three of them.
I have no complaints about my husband. But we do things differently, he and I, and sometimes, when I am tired or when we are in a hurry, it is harder to have this other person, who does things differently, helping out. When my sons were babies, they were on a fairly predictable routine of eating and napping; somehow, on the weekend, when my husband was home, the routine would go all to hell, and we would all wind up cranky. These days, I take the kids to school in the morning, and we have a routine; when my husband takes them, he doesn't know the routine, and the kids get confused and he gets frustrated and I get stressed out.
I've asked other stay-home parents, both moms AND dads, about this, and they all seem to agree: when you are the primary caregiver, you have your groove with the kids, and it is disruptive to have someone else taking charge. It's not so much a case of preferring your way of doing things to your partner's (although that may be a factor)--it's more a sense that when BOTH of you are trying to help the kids get ready to go somewhere, it will be more chaotic than if just ONE of you was in charge.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not romanticizing single parenthood. My husband travels for business, and when he's gone I count every second until he returns. But sometimes, it's just easier to have ONE set of rules and ONE schedule and ONE person giving directions.
What about you--is it easier to just do it yourself, or do things go more smoothly when your spouse or partner is there to share the work?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
sandymaple 3-30-2007 @ 7:41PM
Your house sounds a lot like mine! My husband does so much and I miss his help when he's gone. But he takes longer to do just about anything, so his 'help' can be more frustration than it's worth.
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Nicola 3-30-2007 @ 8:04PM
My husband has filed the same complaint with me. He stays home with our three year old son and has been home with him full time since Kellan was six months old. He hates weekends and vacations.
Kellan and Nic have a routine and a set of established rules and boundaries. Mom (me) throws it all into a state of confused and cranky disaray. I have witnessed it firsthand, coming home early from work when they are in the bath or playing at the train table and I am able to observe unnoticed. They are happy, peaceful, and enjoying each other's company. The minute that Kellan sees me, however, he goes wild, the routine is broken, and all sense of calm is long forgotten.
Weekends are manic. Every weekend. But it isn't necessarily my son (though three is still three!). It is also me breaking the routine, changing the way that things are done in the house, and making life difficult for my poor, patient, and very wonderful husband.
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Heather 4-02-2007 @ 12:07AM
I have been a single parent and a parent with a partner. It was easier being a single parent. We had a schedual, I made the rules. We are having relationship issues as well so that just adds to it. I ws definatly happier.
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