Respecting my daughter's 'space'
Categories: Just for moms, Gadgets & tech, That's entertainment
A few weeks ago, my adult daughter Christy came over for a visit and used my computer to check her email. After she left, I realized she had left her MySpace page up on the screen. I knew she had a MySpace page, I had just never seen it. It's a private page and I am not a 'friend.' But there it was.
As I sat looking at it, I debated whether or not to have a look around. Here was an opportunity to explore a part of her life that I know very little about - her social life. Who is she talking to and what are they talking about? The urge to peer into that window that she left open on my computer was very strong.
When she was younger, she didn't keep a diary. If she had, I am not sure what I would have done. I probably would have read it. She was what you would call a 'troubled teen' and knowing her secret thoughts might have given me some insight into how I could help her through that difficult period in her life. But she's an adult now and seems to have a pretty good handle on things. My desire to read her MySpace page was nothing more than curiosity.
I closed the window. As much as I want to know what is going on in her head, she has a right to her privacy and I have no right to take advantage of her carelessness in leaving her diary open. I do wonder what other parents would have done in that situation. Would you have been tempted as I was? Would you have given in to that temptation?
As I sat looking at it, I debated whether or not to have a look around. Here was an opportunity to explore a part of her life that I know very little about - her social life. Who is she talking to and what are they talking about? The urge to peer into that window that she left open on my computer was very strong.
When she was younger, she didn't keep a diary. If she had, I am not sure what I would have done. I probably would have read it. She was what you would call a 'troubled teen' and knowing her secret thoughts might have given me some insight into how I could help her through that difficult period in her life. But she's an adult now and seems to have a pretty good handle on things. My desire to read her MySpace page was nothing more than curiosity.
I closed the window. As much as I want to know what is going on in her head, she has a right to her privacy and I have no right to take advantage of her carelessness in leaving her diary open. I do wonder what other parents would have done in that situation. Would you have been tempted as I was? Would you have given in to that temptation?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Christine 3-30-2007 @ 4:44PM
I just want to say -- GOOD FOR YOU!
I would have been tempted... I would have also closed the screen!
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Mammacheryl 3-30-2007 @ 5:28PM
I don't know what my mother would do if she found my blog. I love her dearly, but I just don't think she'd know what to do with all that information. And besides, sometimes I vent about her, and I wouldn't want her feeling hurt. When my own children are old enough for this stuff, and they're adults, I'll probably let them have their private outlets, but as long as they're minors, they will have limited privacy. I think my life would have turned out very differently during the ages of 13-18 if my mom had actually known what I was up to and knew how to handle it.
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Alice 3-30-2007 @ 5:48PM
It's the internet, nothing is private. If you put it out there it's there for your mother or your neighbor or a friend or a predator.
I think it's nice that you didn't read it. But I think saying you gave her "privacy" is really just perpetuating the illusion. I think it's better to help teens and young adults realize exactly how much they are putting out there instead of letting them think they are intitled to privacy for things they write for the world at large to read.
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SKL 3-30-2007 @ 7:30PM
Writing a diary or similar private stuff can be very helpful in working out issues mentally. At least, that's how I used it. It's sort of thinking out loud, in a way that makes it easier to organize your thoughts. As a teen, I often started a written rant about how unreasonable my mom was, only to talk myself into agreeing with her by the end of the journal entry. However, I wouldn't have wanted my mom to know about either my angry disagreement or (even less) my ultimate agreement. (One of my most upsetting dreams as a teen was my mom being hurt by reading something mean that I had written in my journal.)
If we start reading our kids' diaries (etc.), they will just stop writing them and lose the benefit.
As much as we want to be into every aspect of our kids' lives, at some point (probably around age 10 or even younger), it is no longer appropriate to try to get "inside" their minds. They need to develop as separate individuals, and that includes having their own private thoughts - written or otherwise - just like you and I have. I don't think it's healthy to try to bridge the natural gap that develops when a child, having the ability to communicate every thought to her parent, decides to filter that communication. At that point, it is more healthy to work on a relationship that fosters voluntary communication of well-selected information.
Nor can e-eavesdropping be done secretly, because your later words and actions will eventually give your snooping away.
However, I do think it's OK to sign on the internet and look up whatever information is available publicly. I agree with a previous poster that if your daughter needs a rude awakening about her internet "privacy," you are an appropriate person to give her that awakening. However, it might not make you feel very wonderful to see what your daughter has written in what she thought was a private forum. After all, she's still growing up and probably has plenty of immature, unreasonable moments. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
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Heather 4-02-2007 @ 12:03AM
YEs I have read it. It is myspace, same with facebook. She did have her full address and phone # on there. I told her to remove it. Everything else has been ok so far. I do tech support for the internet and have taught her a lot about internet safety. When there is a story of someone meeting someone they met off the internet I remind her again of the dangers.
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