The incredible, expanding birthday party guest list
Categories: Kids 5-7, Holidays
Ellie's good friend Ann is going to celebrate her sixth birthday in a few weeks. Ann's mother would like to have a small party at her home but but is feeling a bit stressed about the whole thing. The party itself isn't an issue, but who invite to the party is.
Ann has several friends in the neighborhood who she plays with regularly and inviting these girls is a no-brainer. Then there's the little girl who lives in the house behind them. They rarely play together, but because she lives within sight of the party, my friend feels she should invite her. In fact, there are several children within sight of the party who Ann knows, but doesn't play with on a regular basis. Should they be invited as well?
Inviting the little boy Ann has known since birth makes sense. But what about that little boy's two siblings? And we can't forget about the school friends. Ann has several good friends at school who she would like to invite. She also has family living close by and they will want to attend the celebration as well. Her extended family includes children ranging in age from infant to preteen.
The list goes on and on. Last year, Ann's mother avoided the issue by inviting just a few friends to Build A Bear. This year, she really wanted to give her girl a party, but the small celebration she envisioned is threatening to become a large, expensive bash. Some of the pressure Ann's mom is feeling is coming from the parents of these children, who assume their kid will be invited and have already mentioned what gift they will bring. Speaking of gifts, that's another problem. Ann doesn't need, and her mother doesn't want, all the gifts associated with a large guest list.
I don't know the solution, but I'll bet you do! Where does a parent draw the line when inviting guests to a birthday party?
Ann has several friends in the neighborhood who she plays with regularly and inviting these girls is a no-brainer. Then there's the little girl who lives in the house behind them. They rarely play together, but because she lives within sight of the party, my friend feels she should invite her. In fact, there are several children within sight of the party who Ann knows, but doesn't play with on a regular basis. Should they be invited as well?
Inviting the little boy Ann has known since birth makes sense. But what about that little boy's two siblings? And we can't forget about the school friends. Ann has several good friends at school who she would like to invite. She also has family living close by and they will want to attend the celebration as well. Her extended family includes children ranging in age from infant to preteen.
The list goes on and on. Last year, Ann's mother avoided the issue by inviting just a few friends to Build A Bear. This year, she really wanted to give her girl a party, but the small celebration she envisioned is threatening to become a large, expensive bash. Some of the pressure Ann's mom is feeling is coming from the parents of these children, who assume their kid will be invited and have already mentioned what gift they will bring. Speaking of gifts, that's another problem. Ann doesn't need, and her mother doesn't want, all the gifts associated with a large guest list.
I don't know the solution, but I'll bet you do! Where does a parent draw the line when inviting guests to a birthday party?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Jennifer 3-31-2007 @ 7:16PM
I think I have a good solution to this perplexing problem. Since the little girl is 6 years old have her mother decide on a certain number of friends, say 8, then have the 6 year old decide whom the 8 kids will be that are invited. Since the mother is having such a rough time with it the others uninvited should understand being moms themselves all the hassle involved and the decision the mom/daughter made together. Anyways that is what I would do if it was me in this position with my kids. I hope this helps. good luck!
Jennifer
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Wendy 3-31-2007 @ 8:46PM
We always invite 20-30 people to our parties, even my son's first b-day. This is because my husband doesnt want to leave anyone out.
I was nervous for my daughter's first b-day. My husband even invited the housekeeper. However, I learned that many dont show up. I dont think we even had 20 people and some of the adults showed up a little later into the party when most of the kids were leaving.
As far gifts, I put on one of my daughter's parties that only your presence was required, not presents. We got a couple of little gifts, but nothing like people would have brought.
I dont know if this is a solution, but we had one party at an event place (Gymrompers) for just the kids of my daughter's class and then had a family only party at our home. The downside, my daughter thought her b-day lasted all month. The upside, the home party was relaxing and enjoyable with just family. The event party wasnt that expensive and they took care of clean up. The kids ran around, had a great time and went home to collaspe.
Good Luck
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Lindsey 3-31-2007 @ 10:46PM
She could have the party at a local park with a picnic area. It would be free to use, solve the problem of whether to invite the neighbor kids, and provide a place for the kids to have fun.
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meg 4-01-2007 @ 9:04AM
Almost every party I've attended since I've had kids had "no gifts please" written on the invite. One creative mom had every kid bring a book and we put them in a huge pile on the table and had a book swap as part of the activities. That worked out really well.
If your party is in the yard, in view of other kids it would be rude not to invite them. It doesn't have to be expensive. Your kids won't care about the difference between a cakemix cake and pizza versus a catered affair. And those gift bags? Don't bother. Everybody hates them anyhow. If you do the book swap, everybody goes home with a book. One of my favorite gift bags had three tootsie rolls and my son thought that was GREAT.
So, I'd err on the side of cheap and inclusive. You never know which kid's heart you're going to break as they watch the party from their yard.
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Ethel 4-01-2007 @ 11:12AM
So, those are great suggestions for limiting the number of guests. I have suggestions for the gifts - ask for dog and cat food that would be delivered to a local animal shelter at the end of the party, or maybe have a tree planting party, or collect coats and food for a human shelter, or some other good cause. Ideally it would be a good cause that Ellie likes, no massive amount of gifts or objectionable ones (like Bratz dolls), and Ellie comes out as a hero when she delivers the goods. It has been a growing trend around here in the Northwest, and I think its a good thing for the birthday kid and the party goers.
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AnnaKay 4-01-2007 @ 11:58AM
I agree with Ethel about donating to the local animal shelter. What a great idea! The invitations could read, "Instead of bringing a gift, please help us feed the animals at the Humane Society by bringing cat or dog food" I'm sure everyone would love it! And Lindsey's idea to have the party at a park is another great idea!
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LS 4-01-2007 @ 1:17PM
LOVE the book-swap and the Humane Society ideas! You guys are great! (pause while I write them down for future reference...)
Here's my two cents: if you're like me, you like outdoor parties but stress like crazy over the weather (Midwest in spring = sudden showers!). Check with your local Community Center or YMCA. Many times they have "open gym" on weekends, or you can reserve it for an hour or two for a nominal fee. Tell the kids to wear playclothes and gym shoes, give them some playground balls and jumpropes, and get in on the fun! If there's no where to eat, perhaps you can do something other than the "blow out the candles" thing, and use the gift-bag idea to send each child home with a birthday cupcake.
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