It's trendy to be a stay-at-home dad

For post 50:

You're not giving children enough credit for their intelligence. They will not be confused by dad being at home with them. Mine certainly aren't. And they're not delinquents either. Both are doing quite well, thank you. They respect their parents and elders, and know they're loved by mom, who works, and dad, who is at home with them. I take strong exception to your assumption that my wife and I are not making our children our priority. So, I'm supposed to sacrifice my children going to college, so that our lifestyle can be acceptable to you? Because that's exactly what would happen if my wife stayed home and I remained at work. The way I see it, we are making our children the priority. If that's so wrong to you, so be it.

As for post 57:

So a man is lazy for staying at home with his kids while his wife works? Obviously, you've never spent time with your kids. Every mom and dad out there knows raising children is a lot of work, and it's the best and hardest job I've had. And take that from a person who is a stay-at-home dad who gave up a ten-year full-time career (60-80 hour weeks). My family is certainly in no hole, as you describe it. If I kept that job, I would never see my kids. In that situation, my family would be in a hole. In effect, mom would be around, but they would never see their Dad. Amazing what Cro-Magnon thinking that is still out there.

Reply

Ok, for everyone commenting on my first comment (#18). I said the first things coming into my mind when I saw the stay at home dad blog. After reading more thoroughly, I read number 17 comments. Maybe it is not so much the gender, but the indivual themselves as both can be good parents, and both
sexes can be neglegent. I know someone said my comment may be criticizing the gay community as I said it is "gay " to be a stay at home father. That was my bad and I send apologies on my own behalf if I offended anyone with that comment as I am totally
supportive for the gay community. Aside that, everyone is posting comments on my attitude. As I said, my first comment was not as self explanitory as I would have liked it to be. I explained
myself more thoroughly in my other comments. I can
understand why so many men are against my comments.
However, I am NOT referring to single dads, hard working dads,disabled, men whos wives bring more income. My comment was NOT directed to you all. I commented on #22, #26,and #32. Read those too before you criticize me.

Here is my response to some individuals.
RickyCollects(#36). You are correct that I have degraded all men because of prior experience. I will also admit that you were right to tell me that
and that I should not be that way. I kinda feel that you did not read my other comments. I totally agree that is it fine to be a stay at home dad
other than the situations I am against as I stated in my comments. I support, 100% men being parents. They can do just as good a job as women. I was referring to your comment that I did not mean
to offend the gay community. If men, and/or women, can work in corporate or at home jobs and all that, then two thumbs up. My comment was not directed at people in your situation. Thank you.

Bill(#47)-#36 pinpointed why I can be as judging as I am to the male community. And yes, I know men can be just as nurturing. Not that my opinion matters to you, but I am sure as well as many of the other men, are great as parents as well as hard working. I am not saying it should or has to be one way or the other.

Danielle (#52)--FYI, my maternal and nurture skills involve respecting mankind, but to be a woman of power. Maybe my problem is that I have all girls and I am so in my own world of women since
I have never had to take care of a son. Although I am teaching my child to respect all of mankind, I am teaching her that she needs to be independent.
There is nothing wrong with that. Maybe with the way I stated my comment,I seem to come off as teaching them that all men are scum. But I have not.
It would not be fair for me to teach them based on my own negative experiences. However, I am teaching her that she does not need a man to succeed or support her. She can be her own in control without
the need of any male. And from the remark you made -Good luck on finding a new partner? That leads me to think that since you made that comment to me, that you probably feel a partner is the only way to be "complete." I dont know how old you
are...but in all respect, I am going to guess you might be older and wiser than me. But let me tell you something that alot of girls, even some
women into their 30's and 40's can not say. I am a single mom, 23 years old, 6 figure income, no day care, working less than 10 hrs a week. Does it seem like I need a partner. You bet I voted for Pres Bush? Well, I bet you are one of those high, prim and proper, church every sunday(nothing wrong with that by the way) soccer mom, kids can only be stable if they have both parents kind of person. On behalf of any single parent in here, you dont need a partner to have a well balanced child.

Teressa(#53)--you are right. I should not judge what is right and wrong for other families. What I can say to your comment is that I am not passing on my hatred of men to my children. I was simply responding I guess because I have seen many cases where the mother is in a 9-5. The dad is a stay at home dad, and yet the child lacks the proper care of essentials such as blankets, food, clothes.
That was the point of view I was commenting on before being more open minded that sometimes there are other reasons that families may decide for
the dad to stay at home. If it is for other reasons that what I just mentioned, I could care less
and honestly supportive of that.

Don(#58)--Great JOB!!

Michelle(#69)--I did apologize for the comment I made about "gay." My hostility is more of a result on bad experiences with men (never been married). As far as my welfare comment, my hostility on that is that I have seen many parents be stay at home parents, all while barely making ends meet because they dont want to work , and their child lacks essentials of daily life. My mom was a single mom, put me through college as well, was disabled, and in the same situation as your dad --no welfare or child support, all for except once which was $50. So I do apologize if my comment offended you and they upbringing your dad did. Sorry. Great job for your dad on raising 6!!

DMAPC (#62)--"teach them about vampires like Laura that want to have cake and eat it too..." FYI...."WANT". I DO get to have my cake and eat it
too!! Sounds to me like you are saying these bitches in your life got where they were because their husbands provided their lavish lifestyles.
I may be a naggin bitch that may drive men away, but guess what?? My new SUV, my fresh nails, my staying at home, my 6 figure income....no husband,
no boyfriend. I have earned all that on my own working my own business from home. That is what makes me different then those other bitch women in your life.

Reply

Airwally1---about your comment---I have no doubt it was me and my attitude that caused the divorce... And maybe it was my own fault that he ended up drinking....it was his own irresponsiblity that led to him losing custody.

Reply

My husband has been a stay at home parent since our twins were 18 months old. He has done a wonderful job with them. They are polite, well behaved (for the most part) children. They have had as many sicknesses from 18 months to 4 years, as they did from 4 months to 18 months, which is when we pulled them from daycare. My son has asthma and being out of daycare allowed his lungs to heal better than if he had stayed. You have to go with what works for the family. My job allows me to carry the health benefits for our family and for us once I retire, along with the other perk of earning more than he did full time. It's not that I am ambititous, or that he is lazy, it is just a fact. Why should he have a job that makes him miserable so he can earn more than I do, when he can work part time at something he likes to do, and I can work full time at something I like to do, and our children can stay home, and out of daycae? It works. He has the weekend to do his thing: softball, movies, spend time with his family, whatever he wants to do. This gives me time to be alone with the children and do stuff with him. It also allow me to be the "fun" parent. Not the daily yelling and screaming parent that a lot of my stay at home mother friends are. Like I said before, you have to go with what works for each family. This works for ours

Reply

after of 14 yrs i was out of work while we opened another business..i stayedd at home for almost a year.i had the chance to experience what i had missed for a long time and the memories will stay with me forever.wish i could do it more

Reply

It's certainly o.k. to be a stay at home dad. I'm actually striving for that within the next couple of years if my early retirement plan works out (I'm hoping to retire from the corporate treadmill at age 48). I will still do something, believe me, but at that point, I'll still have all three of my sons at home, and can maybe even start home schooling them. I do hate the bad influences in the public school system! But one word of caution about this whole concept. I have witnessed the proliferation of "girly men" in this country. :-) Please try to maintain your masculinity when becoming a stay at home dad! :-)

Reply

#17 comment by Laura. This woman is bitter from her own experiences with her former Hubby and bears the tone of a "Man Hater".....Get over your anger & rage...it's not good for your children nor you.

My ex-wife, decided to leave us when, our son was only 9 mos. old. and our daughter was 2 because, she couldn't cope with being a stay at home Mom/house wife. She quit a high paying job to stay at home with the kids while, I was working in sales for 50 hours a week and an additional 20 hours in my side business, I own. She quit on our family so, she could go back to her true love....her job! Five years later, I still have legal custody of the kids, she got her old job back, pays child support and is happy while, my employer agreed to let me work part time out of my home and the side business is still going strong.
Today, my ex will only see the kids when, it fit's within her schedule. The children are like a toy for her....when, she wants to play with them, she will but when, she gets tired of the chaos, it's time to send them back.

Reply

Laura, you seriously need to rethink your comments. You seem to be one of those horribly bitter women that give us all a bad name! It's no surprise why you're divorced, that's for sure. You are projecting your bad experience on all men and that is just not fair to do; that isn't even taking into account just how ignorant it is. Kudos to your ex for wanting to stay home with his child...many men want to leave that to the woman to do. Nothing is as hard (or as rewarding) as raising a child and good for him for wanting to do it. I'm not sure if you're still living in the 1950's or what, but, you need to move past it. Men are just as capable as women are at raising kids; they may do things differently, but, that just helps the child develop by exposing them to a variety of "options". Your child would be blessed to have his/her father as such a big part of his/her life. I have a husband who is home just as much as me (we are very lucky to have the work arrangement we do) and my child is SO fortunate to have both of us here. I feel SO sorry for your little one, he/she is the one really suffering...maybe you should take that into account instead of just being concerned about yourself.

Reply

I think if my husband had been a stay at home Dad he would have run our home like a drill sergeant! Always cleaning,working in the yard etc...having the kids constantly working on the wk-ends with chores and then after everything is clean he takes them to the park, playes softball, tennis with them etc..I need a break when the week-end ENDS !!! I am exhausted just trying to keep up with all he does. As for me the stay at home Mom I am quite the opposite..kind of procrastinate cleaning, and give the kids more tv and video game time. I think if I had to go back in time and let him raise the kids at home I wonder what they would be like. I think since all three kids(now teens) are honor roll students, volunteer w/boys & girls club and seem quite happy.. I think I did a pretty good job as a stay at home Mom...not too strict so I think kids benefit so much from just knowing they are loved enough to have a stay at home Mom or Dad!

Reply

i hate when someone says a dad is "babysitting." when a mom watches her child, she is parenting, but if she goes to work or out somewhere, people asks who is babysitting. if you say the dad is home with your child, they call him a babysitter. he's not a temporary caregiver! he's parenting too!

Reply

Anyone see Pursuit of Happyness?! Yep, my story too. Wife decided to leave, so I had to become a single dad, fortunately, my story wasn't quite as grave as Will Smith, but same story line. Stay at home dad?! Kind of, had no choice.

Reply

This is nothing new, home based businesses have been around for a long time. Having a home based business is great because you can attain whatever level of financial freedom you need and recover the freedom of time that most jobs take from you. Our company has a solid system designed for one spouse to work from home and eventually bring the spouse/partner home too. We have many households where both spouses make a comfortable six figure incomes. No shame in that kind of honest money or having qualty time with the family.

Check us out http://www.explodinghomebiz.info/
24 recorded msg 866-634-9317

Reply

Iam a 41 year old man, In 2003 i became dissabled from a injury that happened @ work,after 3 back surgeries,and possibly looking @ a 4th,....after many years of downright bullwork that youre average man would quit after a week ?...i worked myself into {4rods,8nuts & bolts a C clamp and a couple of cadavor discs..."" oh! i cant forget all that nice doner bone that was packed into my back, ""For what""oh!! {money,thats rite...and i was paid well, my wife didnt have to work/but she went in part time because her benny's were better than mine....life was damn good....until that day{ here today gone tomarrow} So,i have two little girls ages 7 & 5.... once i was able to get around a bit Itook on the role as a stay @ home dad...[ BUT 1ST & Foremost Ihave to let all you mothers out there that {and iam 1 of the guilty ones } a womens job @ home is brutal/ theres no breaks,kids dont stop or the laundry, dishes etc...So you men out there if when you get home from a hard days work,{dont forget...your'e wife / girlfriend etc... ask them how there day was,give em a back rub...make em a cup of coffee {what ever the case may be,because my friend your'e lady has been busten her ass just as long as you were all day....iam kinda getting side tracked here but i guess all iam sayen is / this man is sending cudos out to all you moms @ home{youre doen great...../ O.K. Now iam not gonna get into every thing ide like too say, but every situation is bye all means different, in my case it was an injury that keeps me home with my kids, But yahh no what,Iam the luckiest man around in my eyes, My 2 daughters and myself have developed such a strong bond... and that would never come into play had i never been hurt,Now iam not saying {well i think ill go snap my back in half today @ work, so i can stay home all day...No i loved my job,but you have too continue.... "" and in this big mess we try to call a society, in my thinking i can get my girls more prepared in some ways as they get older too prepare them selves for all the { B.S } There gonna have to face, there Mom will have to teach them other things { of course }.Now that ive rammbled on with my story {why iam a stay @ home dad }""They say every thing happens 4 a reason "" i dont no ???, But all i can do is make the best of the situation,~~~give it a name ~~~ {stay @ home dad } if theres anyone out there that would like too talk about it.....Get a hold of me... ""There are days i would welcome the conversation,LOL ILL BE HERE, SPSNOWBLIND@AOL.COM { STEVE }.

Reply

I think its pretty sad when a man sends his wife out to bring home the bacon while he sits home on his butt.....that just goes to show how lazy and screwed up men really are.....Most men stay at home bc there to lazy to go out and get a job and they want a woman to support them.....well that isnt happening in my house or under my watch....plus most women that do bring home the bacon still have to fry it up in a pan and do every other household duty that these lazy men don't do....so what are u teaching our kids ? That it's ok for dad to be a lazy bum ?

Reply

I would never take it upon myself to say what a person should or should not do but society has dictated the terms of livelihood of the worlds's families. Gas prices are sky high and going out of sight. Wages are out of sinc with todays prices. You may often ask what is going on in the world ? why are the rich getting richer ? why are the poor getting poorer? And where has the middle class gone ? What has happened to the American dream? One word and I know what your reply is!!!! Yes,Greed.. Mr and Ms.America, we are being eaten alive,, You see where the government puts out statics about the job market opening up in this country and how unemployment has gone down. Go down to your local fast food rest. I guarantee that you will get a job. unless you live around the corner and live at the Union Mission, have no family and eat once a day you can make it in todays world of finance...At this point you are saying you are painting a black picture for a bleak future. Your past, present and future is based on a plastic card with the terms written so small on the application form you have to have a magnifying glass to understand that if you are late or if you miss a payment your low payments are going out of sight. In the old days those people were called loan sharks and they broke your legs. Now they are called banks and the guy in the three piece suit will break your heart. They will notify a credit reporting agency who will report you as being un worthy of any further credit. You may wish to better yourself and leave the mission and buy a house as by now the government has raised the min. wage so you are now making a couple of bucks more on the hour. Your credit score is a couple of points below what you need to buy a house and your gas prices are now over five dollars a gallon. There is no middle class and the rich are still driving their great big SUVs that put the gas prices to where they are today. Now you are saying that guy is a socialist. odly enough I used to believe in the capital system until it has done to us what we were afraid the Communist party was going to do to us...Enslave us with greed. one hundred dollars worth of groceries is a joke any more. No one ever talks about malnutrition any more. We ignore the homeless in the streets as though they are invisible. Next we will be stepping over their bodies on the streets with the same apathy as we display tward them as they walk a long begging. What I am writing is so contemptable it makes me physically ill to strike each key.
For God sakes, wake up America. Your jobs are gone to an other country. Your steel mills are silent, you can not buy a pair of shoes made in America. You are being invading by aliens taking away your livelihood and your social security is being treated like a welfare system. They want you to roll over a different savings systems and guess where it leaves mr senior American. They would like to roll us over also. The only difference between the old and the young is the old are living their future and the young have none
Now what does this all have to do with the stay at home dad, you might ask ? Every thing. Here goes a sexiest remark. Mr. Dad you need to get your head out of your lower posterier and get out there in the forfront of things. Not only to fight to get a job and be the head of your household again but you need to work to get this wonderful system that our parents built for us in this wonderful country that we once enjoyed other wise you and your posterity have no place in the future and your entity will be that of being put to sleep at a certain age.. You may say that is pure science fiction. I guess maybe the average German thought the same thing before the rise of Hitler. For God sakes take the wheel and bring the car back to the middle of the road before it is too late. Lewis E. Foshee JrCol/WCSD/Ret.

Reply

The optimal for kids is an intact home with mom and dad and a parent(usually mom as she's generally biologically superior as a nurturer/caregiver) at home raising as the primary caregiver at least till the kids are in school.
That isn't to say single moms, divorcees, daycare, illegitimate kids are bad......I'm not saying that.
I'm saying the optimal--optimal--is an intact home with a parent raising (could be a dad with a maternal instinct or mom--generally mom). Kids coming from other arrangements could and do turn out fine.....but IMO the best odds are as I've stated.
IMO, until kids are actively parented again we'll continue to witness societal decay as parents need to place their kids' needs first ahead of their own.
Just my opinion as a 25 year married, 55 year old dad with a 19 and 17 year old.

Reply

There seems to be some people who are unaccepting of the concept of dads staying at home. One is Laura, who seems to hate any man, whether or not he is staying home, and then you have the men who are still living in the Neanderthal days and think men are the ones in control of the family and women should be barefoot and pregnant at home. Seen but not heard. Men are being emasculated? Hardly. I think it's time that society quits trying to pinhole the genders into specific roles and duties. I think it's great that men are beginning to have interaction with their children.

Reply

Im a single Dad I work 40hrs a week... that is unless one of the kids gets sick. Its hard keeping up with things! I think that if there are two parents there is nothing wrong with the dad staying @ home. Our lives are hard enough tryng to survive with the cost of things nowadays. It shouldnt matter who is @ home as long as they are a loving caring parent. Whom ever can bring home the bacon should be out in the field.

Reply

I think the stats neglect to reflect the LARGE number of Dads who are now home due to early retirements and subsequently take over primary caregiver roles for their children who are perhaps a little older, but still in need of care. My husband disability retired at 52 (to enable him to better control his conditions) and was able to take over the primary school prep and care of our then 10 year old - just putting the school drop off and pick up issues behind me was a tremendous help, not to mention sick days, school holidays and SUMMERS!! I learned real quick the value of having a spouse "at home", and believe me, and it is a real luxury!!

Reply

I have been the primary care-giver for our four children the past 6 years. Being at home is not easy but when my wife and I decided to have children we talked about one of us staying at home with our children. My wife tried during her maternity leave to be home with our first daughter. She could not handle it and thus asked if I could handle the task. I gladly sold my business and came home for the sake of our children. Every maternity leave, I go out and work and let her know how tough it is to stay at home with the children. She is so thankful to go back to work and I am so thankful to raise my children. We could send our children to daycare, but I am not into letting others raise my children and giving them their morals and values. Am I the best cleaner and housekeeper? No, but my priorities at home are the children, not the house. If the house is a little dirty, that is fine but if the kids need me, I am there for them. I am not into old fashion ideas that the man has to make the money and the woman has to raise the children. I wear the pants and raise the children. My wife is a very successful nurse and she makes very good money. If we were to make every decision based on our own financial well-being, the kids would be second priority. I am willing to give up 6 to 10 years of earning power to raise good productive children in society.

Reply