Start Over Dads: How old is too old to have a child?
Categories: Just For Dads
Every so often, my sons will ask my husband to do something--climb a tree or race them across the park or swing them over his head--that he just can't do any more. And he will say, "Sorry, son, Daddy's old." It's mostly a joke; my husband is 41 and in excellent health. But he is too old to swing our sixty pound six-year-old around by his feet.
Now imagine being in your sixties--or older--and having little kids who want you to carry them on your back. The New York Times (of course!) is thinking about just this today, in an article titled "He's Not My Grandpa. He's My Dad." Writer Thomas Vinciguerra first wrote about these so-called Start Over Dads, or SODs, ten years ago, when the late Tony Randall, then 76, made the news for becoming a father. Now, ten years later, Mr. Vinciguerra checks back in with the SODs profiled in his earlier article, to see how they are faring now that they--and their children--are older.
He finds, not surprisingly, that health issues are a concern for older dads, both their own and their children's. Clearly a man who has a child in his fifties or sixties will have fewer years with that child, and may spend some of them in poor health. In addition to that, recent studies have revealed that a father's age may affect his child's health; the children of older men are at higher risk for autism and schizophrenia, for example.
SODs are still, for the most part, very affluent men with much younger wives. For many of these men, this is their second family. They are also a small minority of fathers in America: "Among registered United States births in 2004, in only 2,127 cases were the fathers 60 or older, according to the Center for Health Statistics. In 1994 the figure was 2,534. In each year, that was barely 0.1 percent of the total." While more men are having children in their 40s, for various reasons, not many are waiting until they are in their sixties.
The fathers profiled in the story seem like nice, devoted dads, and I am torn about what to think. Is it selfish to have a child in your sixties or seventies? Or does age matter less than your commitment to that child?
Now imagine being in your sixties--or older--and having little kids who want you to carry them on your back. The New York Times (of course!) is thinking about just this today, in an article titled "He's Not My Grandpa. He's My Dad." Writer Thomas Vinciguerra first wrote about these so-called Start Over Dads, or SODs, ten years ago, when the late Tony Randall, then 76, made the news for becoming a father. Now, ten years later, Mr. Vinciguerra checks back in with the SODs profiled in his earlier article, to see how they are faring now that they--and their children--are older.
He finds, not surprisingly, that health issues are a concern for older dads, both their own and their children's. Clearly a man who has a child in his fifties or sixties will have fewer years with that child, and may spend some of them in poor health. In addition to that, recent studies have revealed that a father's age may affect his child's health; the children of older men are at higher risk for autism and schizophrenia, for example.
SODs are still, for the most part, very affluent men with much younger wives. For many of these men, this is their second family. They are also a small minority of fathers in America: "Among registered United States births in 2004, in only 2,127 cases were the fathers 60 or older, according to the Center for Health Statistics. In 1994 the figure was 2,534. In each year, that was barely 0.1 percent of the total." While more men are having children in their 40s, for various reasons, not many are waiting until they are in their sixties.
The fathers profiled in the story seem like nice, devoted dads, and I am torn about what to think. Is it selfish to have a child in your sixties or seventies? Or does age matter less than your commitment to that child?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Angelica 4-12-2007 @ 4:46PM
This debate could go about 17 different ways.
It is the same question for women who choose not to have children or go through years of treatments only to find themselves having children into their 40's and 50's.
If a person is capable (financially, emotionally and intellectually)and willing to have a child then it really does not matter if the age is 20 or 60.
Are you putting a greater risk on the time frame when pushing the age envelope...absolutely. But I am in my mid-twenties and I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. It is all relative.
Women have been diagnosed with breast cancer in their early 30's and men have been diagnosed with ailments at young ages and have no more than two years to spend 'quality time' with their families when they figured they had a lifetime. And some men and women live to their 'golden' years with no major health complications whatsoever.
It really depends on circumstance, fate, destiny, or a drunk driver.
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Nicola 4-12-2007 @ 5:14PM
If you are reasonably able to provide for your child into adulthood, whether or not you may be present to see that child graduate university (and, honestly, who among us knows when our time will come?), then I don't see any reason not to have a family with the woman that you love. She obviously knows the risks and the fact that she will more than likely be spending the better part of her life as a mother without the man who fathered her children.
Now, if you posed this question to my husband (a later middle aged dad at 50), he would have a completely different take on things. The poor lad is exhausted as a stay at home dad to our three year old son, but perhaps he just needed to wait another decade for his second wind!
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Nancy Toby 4-12-2007 @ 6:01PM
I'm wondering why all the time and energy is spent on discussing and prescribing how old someone ELSE should be for children. I'd say when they themselves say they're too old, they're too old.
Why don't we worry instead about who is too ignorant or irresponsible or careless or self-centered or alcoholic or emotionally immature to have a child? Why is everyone focused on much less important things like a number on your drivers license?
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LT 4-12-2007 @ 7:12PM
When my parents married, my Mom was 20 and my Dad was 40. They were married for 23 years before my Dad died of cancer when I was 16 years old. For a long time, I sort of blamed my Mom. I felt like she set my sister and I up to lose our Dad by marrying someone so much older than her. Of course, now as an adult - I don't see it that way. I obviously wouldn't be here if it weren't for my Dad! So to get back to the original question - Yes -I do think it's selfish to father a child at 60 or 70. You are damn near promising the child that you won't be around for very long. Plus, it's hard to show up to family functions with your "older" dad and have everyone ask you if it's your Grandpa.
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daryday 4-16-2007 @ 11:21AM
FOR THE SECRET OF SUCCESSFUL OF OLDER PARENTS, LOG ON TO DARYDAYSHOW.COM
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Paula 4-12-2007 @ 11:41PM
My father was 19 yrs older than my mother. They were 36 and 55 when I was born. Sometimes having older parents has drawbacks, but for the most part they can be just as good, worse, or better than a younger parent. My dad passed awa in Nov 2005 at age 87, I would have liked for him to know my sons but he was a stroke victim for the last 3 years of his life.
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Suburban Turmoil 4-13-2007 @ 11:26AM
I love that they used a picture of a man who looks like he's about to have a coronary- Surely there was a better shot than that one!
My husband is 46 and we just had a baby a month ago- He worries he's too old, but I disagree. He's in excellent health, physically active (he coaches all six of my stepdaughters' extracurricular soccer teams) and looks and acts ten years younger. I think lifestyle and health and of course finances all have a LOT to do with the decision to have kids later in life.
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Sue 4-15-2007 @ 11:16AM
Myhusband and I became foster parents toour two day old grandson when I was 47, and my husband was 57.
We have both retired, he was a police officer in good health and I medically retired at age 37 from a great career in hairstyling/management, complete with lots of foreign travel. When the crack addicted parents couldn't get it together to reclaim and of the three children taken from them (one was a girl just 11 months older also born on crack) we decided to adopt our son. The other grandparents with a husband about 10 years younger than mine and she, my same age decided to just keep the childrenonhold in hopes some day everyone would clean up. Four and a half years later both parents are currently awaiting release from jail.
It was a really hard decision to keep the wonderful little boy or have him go to younger strangers or another possibity: strangers about our age or older.
We worried about all the things one might.
I think thishas turned out to be a great decision for all concerned. We're ome whenever he needs us,taking him back and forth to prescool 3 days a week, gymnastics and soccer once a week. I think we have more patience and are more willing to work with him with skill for drawing, writing, music, playing, and even working mwth skills with an abacus. He has been the biggest blessing inour lives aand coe a long way from the baby who was super sensitivity for light and sound. He slept on my chest in a recliner for the first 6 months because he was so jumpy for thefirst 6 months. I presented him to God in the church asking for special blessings and sealing our covenant by naming him "Isaac". I would encourage any stable older couple to do what we have done. Love can make a difference for all involved.My husband has shown him how to hit a golf ball, kick a soccer ball,throw a football and ride a bike.I show him how to do arts and crafts, gardening and just sit and watch educational television with him.
As long as the peopleinvolved have enough quality time to share with a child, I think everyone can
benefit.Good luck and may God bless those who try.
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Howard 4-16-2007 @ 6:55AM
Call 911! The old fart in the photo looks like he is about to kick the bucket.
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