Bratz to be a live-action movie this summer

Filed under: Media, That's Entertainment

As if the Bratz franchise wasn't busy enough expanding its toy aisle empire, sluttifying our nation's nurseries and preschools this summer, now there is going to be a live-action Bratz movie. It apparently wasn't enough to keep the slutz and trampz in molded plastic form, now we have to deal with them in thonged unknown-actor celluloid form---because there's money to be made from it, apparently. The only name I recognize on the cast list is Paula Abdul, who will probably be playing the heavily-sedated former-stripper adult Fairy Bratmother with a heart of gold. I'm sure the Bratz will encounter lots of adversity but triumph under extraordinarily impossible odds in the end. Oops, I didn't mean to ruin the ending for you. The Bratz in the movie will be named Sasha, Jade, Cloe, and Yasmin---four friends from diverse ethnic backgrounds who find commonality in baring their bellies and coin slots to the world, oh, and being the stars of every middle school rainbow party they can talk their way into. Apparently there's also some conflict with their high school principal played by the guy with pretty teeth who sired Angelina Jolie and his preppy daughter (whose thong you totally can't see! as if!).

The movie will be released August 10.


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Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.