The children's menu as the downfall of Western culture (or something like that)
Categories: Fun & activities, Places to go, Eating & nutrition, Development
We're about to enter a new culinary phase at my house. This summer, at least four nights a week, my sons (who are seven and five) will eat what my husband and I are eating for dinner. No exceptions, no substitutions, and no complaints.
Before you berate me for taking so long to get to this point (yes, my oldest son is SEVEN and yes he's been eating dinner every night since he came home from the hospital, and YES, I have been making him a SEPARATE MEAL for most of that time), let me tell you this: my son has some serious sensory issues, many of which are related to food, particularly taste and texture. He also has anxiety issues, which mean that he is quite literally afraid to try new foods because the fear that they might taste or feel weird can be overwhelming. Two years ago, the mere suggestion that he have some sweet potato or broccoli or pork chop on his plate would cause him to become hysterical; now, I can serve him anything and while he will leave it where I put it, he will only rarely even taste it. And by "taste" I mean "touch it to the very tip of his tongue as quickly as possible and then slug down the rest of his milk to drown out any remaining particles of food that MIGHT have gotten in his mouth." Okay, I exaggerate, but not much. Really.
Yesterday, when I read David's Kamp's essay "Don't Point That Menu at My Child," I found myself nodding along. Kamp writes that after an initial love affair with the children's menu, "I came to the realization that America is in the grips of a nefarious chicken-finger pandemic, in which a blandly tasty foodstuff has somehow become the de facto official nibble of our young." He goes on to say that 'Far from being an advance, I've concluded, the standard children's menu is regressive, encouraging children (and their misguided parents) to believe that there is a rigidly delineated 'kids' cuisine' that exists entirely apart from grown-up cuisine."
Kamp writes about how, when he was a child, there were no children's menus, and no alternative dinners in most American homes. We ate what we were served, and if we didn't like it, we were at least expected to be polite about it. This summer, we will be trying to teach our son that same lesson--that food is good, even foods you don't think you will like initially, and that the dinner table isn't about getting what you want, but about being part of a community of people who are sharing a meal. While I can't (entirely) blame the ubiquitous kids' menu for my son's limited eating, I think Kamp is right that we have been seduced by kid cuisine and have lost that sense that food is more than just stuff that comes in nugget form.
Before you berate me for taking so long to get to this point (yes, my oldest son is SEVEN and yes he's been eating dinner every night since he came home from the hospital, and YES, I have been making him a SEPARATE MEAL for most of that time), let me tell you this: my son has some serious sensory issues, many of which are related to food, particularly taste and texture. He also has anxiety issues, which mean that he is quite literally afraid to try new foods because the fear that they might taste or feel weird can be overwhelming. Two years ago, the mere suggestion that he have some sweet potato or broccoli or pork chop on his plate would cause him to become hysterical; now, I can serve him anything and while he will leave it where I put it, he will only rarely even taste it. And by "taste" I mean "touch it to the very tip of his tongue as quickly as possible and then slug down the rest of his milk to drown out any remaining particles of food that MIGHT have gotten in his mouth." Okay, I exaggerate, but not much. Really.
Yesterday, when I read David's Kamp's essay "Don't Point That Menu at My Child," I found myself nodding along. Kamp writes that after an initial love affair with the children's menu, "I came to the realization that America is in the grips of a nefarious chicken-finger pandemic, in which a blandly tasty foodstuff has somehow become the de facto official nibble of our young." He goes on to say that 'Far from being an advance, I've concluded, the standard children's menu is regressive, encouraging children (and their misguided parents) to believe that there is a rigidly delineated 'kids' cuisine' that exists entirely apart from grown-up cuisine."
Kamp writes about how, when he was a child, there were no children's menus, and no alternative dinners in most American homes. We ate what we were served, and if we didn't like it, we were at least expected to be polite about it. This summer, we will be trying to teach our son that same lesson--that food is good, even foods you don't think you will like initially, and that the dinner table isn't about getting what you want, but about being part of a community of people who are sharing a meal. While I can't (entirely) blame the ubiquitous kids' menu for my son's limited eating, I think Kamp is right that we have been seduced by kid cuisine and have lost that sense that food is more than just stuff that comes in nugget form.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Mammacheryl 5-30-2007 @ 2:23PM
I've been trying to convince myself to start doing this more with my son. He's 16 months old, and he eats pretty well, but I have to remind myself that I don't have to keep making him a separate dinner from what we eat. While he's quite happy with the microwaved chicken nuggets and peas/carrots that I put in front of him, he also shows delight in finding new foods that taste good to him. For instance, I was shocked the other night when I offered him a chicken and stuffing casserole that I had made. He "yummmmed" through the entire meal. I gave him a kidney bean from the chili I was eating a couple nights ago, and while he was startled at the spice, he quickly chewed, swallowed, and asked for more.
He's still young enough that when we go out for dinner, we're able to feed him from the stuff on our plates. I'd like to continue that tradition when he's older, and just pay for another plate. He is more responsive to trying new foods when he sees Mom and Dad enjoying it first. I kind of stick up my nose at the kids menu because they usually only have french fries as a side option to a fried entree. While french fries are undoubtedly my son's favorite food, he will eat vegetables instead when it's all we're offering him. Besides, we're able to control our own portion size by sharing with him. The adult sized plates are almost two sizes too big for adults.
Cheryl at http://redpens-diapers.blogspot.com
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BabyLove77 5-30-2007 @ 2:35PM
My daughter is 18 months old and her favorite meal is Green Giant frozen Broccoli, peas and carrots in a creamy (and light) alfredo sauce. I mix in some egg noodles for filler and she is happy as a clam! She also loves black beans and rice with shredded chicken and pepper jack cheddar cheese (nothing too processed or sliced) She totally digs fruits and veggies of all sorts and will eat a whole tomato like an apple if she can get her hands on one with out me noticing right away. My nieces are 12, 8 and 3 and to this day will only eat plain spagetti noodles with butter if nothing else is to their liking.
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Ann Adams 5-30-2007 @ 2:41PM
It may be because I'm from a generation that ate what was put in front of them but we never had problems with the kids when they were little. They liked to smell the spices as they went into the food
We started out assuming that they would eat what we eat and, until recently, they did. Suddenly they've become a little on the picky side but I still refuse to run a cafeteria and it's a long time until breakfast.
My parents always allowed for one or two absolute hates (mine were spinach and liver) but other than that my mom cooked, my brother and I ate.
I realize of course that what worked for me might not with your kids or with kids who have allergies.
Overall though, I think we spend far too much time and energy trying to please everyone. Weaning them away is worth a try.
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Karen Walrond 5-30-2007 @ 2:43PM
Hear, freakin' hear, Susan.
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Jennifer S. 5-30-2007 @ 2:54PM
Your experience with your son sounds very similar to ours. Our son is 6.5 and we too have been making him a separate meal almost every night. He also seems terrified by the idea of new foods. So much so that until he was 5 he would run screaming out of the room at the mere mention that he might want to try ice cream some day (yes 5!). He still won't try pudding or pie--not that these are big worries for me. Last year we tried "tasty Tuesdays" where he would eat a new food every Tuesday. I remember making him a hamburger and seeing him look down at it and sob that he "just couldn't do it." Other nights were worse and we eventually gave it up because we just couldn't handle having one night a week of crying, stomping, and general despair at dinner time.
We have made some progress though. He has expanded to a few more foods and he will now accept food being on his plate that he doesn't want. I've convinced him that the polite thing to do with food you don't like is just to leave it on your plate and not say anything.
He eats fairly healthily though. He does eat a lot of chicken nuggets and pasta, but he also eats large quantities of about six veggies and another 6 fruits.
BTW, one of the things I find annoying is that when I mention this problem to other parents they will breezily mention that they have a "one bite" rule. Such a rule would have been very hard to do in our house. The few times I tried it left me in tears.
I am *very* interested to see how the experiment goes.
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Carrie 5-30-2007 @ 3:20PM
I have 4 kids and have never catered to pickiness. My kids aren't very picky at all and will eat almost anything. The 6 year old doesn't like oatmeal, so he is free to make himself toast when I make oatmeal. But I don't allow my kids to say they don't like something unless they try it first. I don't control how much or when they eat but I do require they have a gratious attitude towards the meal and the cook and at least sit still for as long as they can at the table.
I would never let my children order french fries and chicken nuggets! They eat normal healthy food that has ingredients you can recognize and pronounce. No child will starve himself. I'm convinced that most picky kids are made, not born.
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Margaret 5-30-2007 @ 3:22PM
Ah the mealtime dilemma. If I forced my 3.5 year old to eat what I ate, he would be MISERABLE. He has a pathological fear of most foods and won't eat them in any context. It's much like Jennifer S described.
For us, it's just not worth the stress. He eats his pasta with butter and his fruit, yogurt and milk and we have peaceful mealtimes. He does not particularly like most sweets. He eats no fried foods whatsoever. Plus our doctor thought his diet was fine.
I just don't want him to grow up with a negative feeling towards food and family meals. He's such a good guy in all other ways. He's fun to take to a party, he's a good listener and he's very kind to his 13 month old baby sister.
So, I have to make pasta twice a day for the rest of his life (or so it seems). There's a lot of worse things I could have to put my foot down about.
Other friends of ours have 'you eat what we eat' rules. But they do it by eating pasta four nights a week. Their dinners are kid friendly, bland and boring. I love to cook and eat a wide variety of things for dinner. I like to eat things that very few children eat. So, for now it's separate meals.
And that works... For now.
Ask me again when he's 5 next year!
http://blog.margaretsanford.com
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Margaret 5-30-2007 @ 3:24PM
Oh.. and the other thing about kid's menus that I LIKE is that the meals are CHEAP, and the portions are smaller.
Without them, going out to eat with a kid too big to eat of Mom and Dad's plate would be prohibitively expensive.
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Cathy 5-30-2007 @ 3:34PM
good luck! try to be nice :)
I am sure you are preparing them, but an idea is to write a social story or a comic book conversation about this important change in your routine. Re-read it before dinner and then stick to it. (aren't I the self-professed counselor!)
(Carol Grey's book is good)
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Ethel 5-30-2007 @ 3:46PM
Sigh. My husband did not "expand his palate" until he was in college, and still some textures make him want to run. Only recently he has decided that things (rice puff, nuts, cookies) in chocolate is not a bad thing.
Now we have a two year old (29 months) who still eats baby food becuase that is all that he can stand. Everything else ends up in his lap, on our laps, on our hands, the floor, that high chair, the table.... He can eat solids, sort of, if they break up easily then he can swallow him - it was a BIG deal when he learned that he could spit out what he couldn't swallow. Sometimes some kids can not eat what the adults are eating, even with the allergies accounted for. Its just the way it is and we parents need to make sure they're getting adequate nutrition while working with their limitations.
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Laura AS1 5-30-2007 @ 4:10PM
Yes, our children must eat what we eat most of the time. The exceptions are if we've made something unusually spicy (i.e. something with habanero pepper or similar), or if we're having leftovers of something they didn't really enjoy the first time around. As long as they tried it the first night, I won't make them choke it down again, and we resort to something nugget-like usually. Although, frozen pastas that boil in 5 minutes are a good alternative to those, I'd say. They usually have meat and/or cheese and with tomato sauce are potentially more healthy than processed chicken products.
http://www.artisticsensations.com/
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Tamyu 5-30-2007 @ 4:12PM
I personally find it fascinating that anyone would make a separate meal for their child without medical reasons for it.
My son has been eating the exact same things as we eat from pretty much day one. When he was just starting on solids - diluted and mashed bits of what we ate. Now, at 2, he eats the exact same things we do - just in smaller portions.
Personally, I can`t believe the amount of money people are willing to spend on "baby food", or children`s "meals". It really is a mystery.
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Tamyu 5-30-2007 @ 4:18PM
I just wanted to add - the meals my son shares with us are exactly the same as what we would be eating if he weren`t around. In fact, we haven`t changed any menus around to benefit him.
He`s never had a special meal, so he doesn`t expect one. There is nothing negative about giving him the same food as the rest of the family. If he doesn`t eat it, he doesn`t eat it. We`ll make up for it with an after meal "snack" that he does enjoy eating. I`ve never gotten angry at him for not eating something (except when he has specifically refused to eat because he wanted dessert first.)
If we make something spicy, he gets it just the same. He actually really enjoys spicy foods. The only thing I am careful of is to make sure his food isn`t too hot when I give it to him. We can blow on our food, but he doesn`t yet.
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Sarah 5-30-2007 @ 5:08PM
I've seen both sides of this from my own experience. I was always encouraged at home to try everything. More often than not I would eat what my parents ate, and they were always pleased that I had an annatural love of broccoli. Sure, I went through a grilled cheese phase when I was three or so, but I grew out of that and I came to be jealous when we would go out to eat that I was stuck eating the same macaroni and cheese while my parents could get food that was so much better. This was at a fairly young age too - I think about seven or eight. My parents saw through the kids menu stereotype and I was able to order what I wanted. I can remember that the only restaurant that I really loved going to when I was younger was a fairly fancy place that had kid-sized prime rib and chicken parmesan on the kids' menu. That, for me, was heaven.
It's sad that people have such low expectations of kids. Whenever I ordered anything off the adult menu, the waiters would always seem surprised - once I was asked if I really knew what I was ordering, because I probably wouldn't like it. I looked with joyous anticipation to the day I would turn thirteen and would no longer be automatically handed a kids' menu. Sadly, I'm eighteen and that day still hasn't come yet. A lot of people look younger than they are, but for someone of my age, six years younger is quite a lot of physical difference, and I wonder if it's a mindset now that even teenagers won't eat real food.
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Mamacita 5-30-2007 @ 5:35PM
Ask your children what they want for dinner only if they're buying it.
We had two choices for dinner: Take it or leave it. After a few difficult evenings of begging and crying (neither of which EVER got my children anything they wanted under any circumstances) they learned that it was a long time 'til breakfast and it was easier all around for them to hold their breaths and taste it.
Complaints? Then don't eat it, and they could wait until it was time for the next meal.
They got to choose their cereal at breakfast, and lunchtime had looser rules (until they started to school) but dinner? They sat at the table, obeyed the rules, and ate what was served. And even if they CHOSE not to, they still had to sit there and behave themselves until the meal was over.
I am nobody's short-order-cook, and children who are allowed to misbehave at the table make me cringe. I don't really care if it's at home or in public: everybody behaves at the table or ELSE.
That includes Uncle Bill and Grandma, by the way.
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Drops of Jupiter 5-30-2007 @ 7:01PM
Well, aren't you the little drill sergeant Mamacita? FYI: You sound militant, not strong.
Breastfeeding is a big factor in this. If the child doesn't have sensory issues, (and most kids don't) the main reason they wouldn't want to try a variety of foods is because they weren't breastfed for long enough.
Formula and baby food is bland, and tastes the same every time it is eaten. Every day, it tastes exactly the same. Breastmilk, on the other hand, changes consistency, texture, and flavor based on what the mother has eaten that day.
Since 0-2 years is when a baby's tastebuds develop, it's clear how this can be at the root of picky eaters.
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Carolotta 5-30-2007 @ 7:19PM
LoL Mamacita. I would love to tell my kid to get a little loud at a restaurant we were sharing with you, just to see how you'd react. Behave or else? Ummm. I don't know what it is you think you have the power to do, but, in reality there isn't much you can do over other people's table manners.
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SKL 5-30-2007 @ 7:34PM
As time goes by, it seems "children's menus" and other kid-oriented foods are getting more and more unhealthy. When I was a kid, the few restaurants who had a kids' menu had real food on the menu, just smaller portions and fewer choices. Nowadays it's a hot dog, a hamburger, chicken nuggets, or mac & cheese. With fries. Kiddy nuker food is usually the same crap. My kids are not gonna eat like that except on rare occasions (junk food is a treat, not an everyday food).
At home, we always fed kids the same as the adults as soon as they could pick it up with their grubby little fingers. Cut it up small, make sure it's not hot, and let them go for it. In my lifelong observation, kids generally want to eat what their parents eat, though maybe this is now changing if we're feeding our kids treats for dinner every day. Although when it comes to certain things, it seems kids' taste buds are a lot more sensitive. I remember that as a kid I could not stand cooked carrots, lima beans, and a few other things. (I had to eat them anyway if they were served, but I found them disgusting.) Now I find these foods are either enjoyable or mostly neutral. Most people I know would say the same about a few particular foods. So there is something to the idea that a child's palate is different from an adults. But that doesn't mean they can't suck it up and eat what they're served even if it occasionally tastes bad to them.
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SKL 5-30-2007 @ 7:38PM
Oh and in my family, everyone ate what they were served. Leaving it to waste was not an option. If you really hate lima beans, mix it with your potatoes, but eat it. Rare exceptions were made only if someone was sick or had really tried and was seriously about to gag on the food. Once I couldn't finish my cereal at breakfast and it was saved in the fridge until lunchtime, and that was my lunch. Pretty extreme, but I always finished my breakfast after that. Wasting food is unnecessary and a shame.
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Miss 5-30-2007 @ 7:44PM
Why should kids suck it up and eat what their parents are having? It just doesn't make sense to me. You want to teach your kids that the world doesn't revolve around them, at that they have to adjust and adapt? That applies to many situations, but not to food. Adults can eat anything they want, and nothing they don't want. That is the hallowed "real world" everyone talks so much about. It's only tragic when a kid doesn't like something. BUT, adults don't like things and it's fine. No one accuses them of being high-maintenance or maladjusted or unappreciative.
Food is meant to nurture and to enjoy. Why not feed your child what he likes, as long as he gets the nutrition he needs?
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