The children's menu as the downfall of Western culture (or something like that)

Miss, feeding kids isn't just about injecting nutrition into them. It's also about enculturating them. It's about helping them to acquire "acquired tastes" and to participate in the enjoyment of the family's favorite or traditional foods. And exposing them to the art/science of planning, cooking, serving, and enjoying a nutritious family meal. And generally doing things together as a family - not me doing my thing and you doing your thing.

If kids are served what the parents eat from infancy, it won't even occur to them that they want to eat something different. They will balk at the idea of being served different food than the rest of the family.

The fact that it's also easier to feed everyone the same thing is just an added bonus.

It's amazing how things that have been enjoyed by kids throughout history can become "the new child abuse."

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Kids' menus drive me crazy too - my daughter doesn't even like that kind of stuff! I wish more restaurants had the option of smaller portions of regular menu items. When we were in Hawaii we discovered some nice restaurants had great kids' menus - it is where my daughter (4 at the time) discovered she loves mahi-mahi, tempura shrimp, and miso soup!

I also find it funny when parents say "he will only eat X" (chicken nuggets, plain pasta, whatever.) Because if your child never was given these things, he/she would never have the opportunity to "only" eat that kind of food. It never occurred to me to feed my daughter special meals. I'm talking at 9 months old, she was eating pureed orzo pasta with feta and broccoli, or lemongrass thai chicken, or whatever we ate (I love to cook.) Some things she likes, some she doesn't, but she eats a diversity of healthy food and loves trying new things. (The breastfeeding idea is interesting, I did nurse her for 2 years as well, maybe that is part of it.)

So it might be too late for the parents who have already gone down the road of special meals, but for the parents of babies who are reading - you don't have to do this! Picky eaters are (usually)made, not born.

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We have a strict rule in our house. If you don't finish, or at least try to finish what is on your plate you get no snacks later.
We usually eat at around 4-5 pm. Hey what can I say, I'm tired when I get home and want to sit down and relax a little. (I work at a factory and stand all day.) And later we may have a light snack.
We usually have no problem with our kids, ages 5 and 2.5 understanding that if they don't eat what we are eating, and atleast try to finish it (and atleast taste it), they get nothing later. Our 2.5 yr old sometimes has a breakdown later when she sees we have something she really likes for a snack and she is refused, but over all they understand the concept. 9 times out of 10 they finish what is put in front of them, no questions asked.
I don't do it to be cruel, but it was the only way I could see not having to fix seperate meals for everyone.

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ya'll crack me up. Or maybe I'm just in a mood. SO basicly everyone is saying their children eat what they eat or do without.

I think I'm going to be a first so far. I have fixed special meals for my child. There are foods that he has never liked since he could eat solids and I'm not going to force him to eat a meal of it. Now I will make him take a bite of it here and there to make sure taste buds haven't changed. This doesn't happened often, but it happens. I even make him try foods I can't stand. He loves sweet potatoes and a few other things that I won't touch, but he tells me to re-try them to make sure so I do.

Do I let him order off kids menu's? yeah. I rule out some things (pancakes are not served all day regradless of what they say) but he picks and orders it himself. If he wants chicken tenders and baked apples when we are out to eat, so be it. It's a special time away from home and if I can order what I like, I'll let him order what he likes.

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I'm really not militant; I just firmly believe that good parents teach their children how to behave in public, and remove their children from any public place, if they can't behave themselves. Over other people's children, I have no control. We have, however, requested to be moved and told the waiter why. My own children are happy, they eat at least a little of whatever is for dinner (they always have; being hungry is no fun and if you don't eat your dinner, you get hungry!), and they know how to behave in any public place.

Granted, they're in their twenties now, but both of them have expressed gratitude that they were never allowed to act like so many of the brats we are subjected to in public these days. We could take our kids almost anywhere when they were tiny.

We didn't beat them or terrorize them, either. We just made life so much more pleasant when they behaved themselves. A LOT more pleasant, in fact.

So go ahead, ask your kid to get loud and rowdy when you're next to me and my kids in a restaurant, if that's the way you are raising them. We'll just move across the room where the polite people are sitting.

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I'll admit that I fix special meals for my child too! And in my house, picky eaters are born, not made. My older daughter had an "oral aversion" and went into eating therapy at 9 months. She would not eat. She actually lost weight between 12 and 13 months. At this point we are very very happy that she eats. I ask her what she wants to eat. I offer her new things, but I don't push it and I definitely don't punish by witholding food. The first time I offered peanut butter she told me it "hurt her in the nose" and now she wolfs it down.

My younger daughter, in contrast, prefers to eat spicy food off our plates and often will eat everything her sister won't. So the older child gets what she asks for, my husband and I make the spicy ethnic food we like, and my younger daughter eats a combination of the two.

Both were breastfed more than 12 months. We don't eat out enough for anything about my children's tastes to be driven by restaurant menus.

And by the way, when I grew up in the 70s pretty much everything on the dinner table was bland, so who needed a special meal? I learned to eat spice as an adult. I don't think my child's palate is marred for life.

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I wish more restaurants would just serve "children's portions" instead of children's meals like chicken fingers and hot dogs. My children love any kind of food and if I could order a small meal of whatever food the restaurant serves, that would be perfect. The other day we took them to a Chinese restaurant and had to order two full meals for them (some places try to discourage sharing) because the children's meal choices were chicken fingers and grilled cheese sandwiches. Come on restaurant managers...listen up. Give our kids REAL food!

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Each week I plan meals before grocery shopping. Each child (3&6yo) chooses a dinner menu, my husband chooses two and I choose two. (One is ad libbed). That is what I buy and that is what we ALL eat. Because they can choose, my picky eater (the 6yo) frequently chooses pasta. Ok, so once a week we'll eat pasta. The rest of the week he gets our choices. Now, I don't give him every part of the meal- he can leave the sauce off something, have the carrots and cucumber from the salad without lettuce co-mingled or go get himself a piece of fruit to replace the vegetable. I want his meal to be enjoyable, I want my cooking process to be as enjoyable as it can be :) and I want him to eat a balanced healthy meal. We do this without chicken nuggets or "kid food".

I agree that all kids are different; his little brother will eat ANYTHING, spicy or unusual or whatever. Texture sometimes gets overlooked and parents assume taste is the only problem. I'd suggest making a list of all the dinners you cook EVER and seeing how many will please everyone- in some manner. See if the list is long enough to be the basis for your cooking. Then add extra elements to the meals for those who want them, letting the picky one leave them off. I'm much less frustrated having him skip part of my meal than having to cook something separate.

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I think there's a balance to be had (that is, with average, no big allergies, no big sensory issue kids) between forcing unwanted foods and becoming your kid's short-order cook. Like, you know little Joey hates mushrooms, so you leave them out of half the stir-fry. But little Melissa hasn't even tried zucchini and is convinced it's the devil-incarnate? Too bad, she's eating it anyway.

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I fix special meals but now that my daughter eats a sum total of about 3 things for any meal, we are working on expanding the diet. I too grew up in a household where what was on the plate was what I got. A lot of the times the food wasn't that appealing and the fact that I had likes and dislikes was not factored in. We're trying to respect that our daughter will have things she doesn't like, but we think it's gone too far. She has to TRY things at least, and yes, I am also concerned about the nutritional value of her meals when all she will eat is Special K cereal, oatmeal or pizza. (There are a few other things, but it's really not a wide variety). I know toddlers & preschoolers (she's 3) are notoriously picky but we're encouraging it - and discouraging being adventurous enough to try something at least once - if we constantly cave in by not even offering our regular food. I will cater to her likes and dislikes, because I have them and my husband has them, and as I later pointed out to MY family, having them is not an adult privilege, but she'll never know what she likes if she is not exposed to anything new - and sometimes as a parent that means being more firm. That means sometimes going away from the bland kids menu, which is less expensive and easy but maybe not so great all the time. I'm sorry we ever went down that road and we're now trying to fix it too.

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When my oldest two were little, separate meals were actually easier. They usually got the leftovers and I'd throw something together for myself and/or my husband if he was home. That was easier for me and worked for our lifestyle. I don't think that I would have continued it as the kids got older, even if though wasn't making them 'kid food'.

Along came Number 3 (and 4 and 5) and it's suddenly way easier to make the one meal. Sometimes it drives me nuts because one kid's favorite is another kid's nightmare. If it's really a nightmare, said kid is free to get himself something else that's healthy. If it's just "I don't wanna eat that", they don't eat it or anything else.

Short order cook used to be a whole lot easier when my husband was gone/away...we rarely had "real meals". Now, because there are still 6 of us, it's easier to make a regular meal and it keeps us eating healthier.

At restaurants, kids should be able to eat off of the Senior menu. Same food, smaller portions and smaller prices. If required, you can talk to the manager and explain that it's the same amount of money as a kid's meal but much healthier for your kid. It keeps you, the customer, happy, too. Of course, I have to wonder if restaurant food really is healthy for any of us. They use a whole lot more fat and sugar than I use at home.

Kids love chicken nuggets? Make your own, using boneless breasts or tenders and a simple breading mix. Toss them in the oven and you've got chicken nuggets that are good for you. Everyone wins!

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At home the kids eat what we eat, the are allowed some exceptions for things they have tried in the past and don't like. Periodically I expect them to retry. Out they generally order from the kids menu because its cheaper and smaller portions. I too wish the children's menu was just smaller portions of adult entrees. Sometimes they will order soup or an appetizer. As far behavior when out. We expect them to behave so we can enjoy our meal. If they don't then we will stop going out to eat, they love to eat out so behavior is generally not an issue.

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My older child has always been pickier about eating and my younger has always been the one to eat almost everything. That said, they both eat what we eat and I've never forced either of them to finish a meal. I prepare healthful food and if they eat it, great, if not, they'll eat when they get hungry.

I'm also of the belief that if you don't offer junk, they won't ever get used to eating it. So I don't worry if they don't like what I made. Eventually, they'll eat something good for them because kids don't choose to starve and eating junky food/fast food is never an option in my house.

As far as eating out(which we rarely do), I let them choose from the children's menu with many limitations because portions are smaller and cheaper. My kids are not allowed to eat any fried food including fries but we can usually find something I approve of on the menu and side it with fruit or a vegetable.

All kids are different and I know many who have physical reasons they cannot tolerate specific foods so I feel for you moms who have children like that. Good luck with your sons, Susan.

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The comment about children and not breastfeeding is so interesting, I never thought of that at all. My daughter is 32 months and is still breastfeeding and will eat whatever we eat. Olives, Hummus, Avacado, Sweet Potatoes, Indian Food!, and more. She is so willingly (So Far!) to try anything.

I usually don't make her something separate for dinner but I make things I know she really likes a lot of the time. I don't want to make food an issue for us. I was super picky as a child and then had bulima as a teenager and young adult, and still have issues surrounding food, I don't want to pass that on to her.

Since we are vegetarians, most kid's menus don't work for us (chicken fingers, hot dogs are usually the norm). I usually share what I get (since most places have huge portions) with her since she usually is interested in what I am eating anyway.

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This thread has been going on for a while so I'm not sure if anyone is reading this anymore. I was one of the earlier posters whose also has a child who is afraid of new foods. I just wanted to respond to all the people who said that this type of attitude is the result of either not breast feeding or not introducing interesting foods early on. I breastfed till about 13 months and I made almost all my own baby food. We were notorious in our son's daycare for sending interesting foods--e.g., cous cous with home made roasted red pepper sauce. My husband and I love food and make really colorful interesting dinners for ourselves. But my son is still the way he is (it started at about 18 months). I could have chosen to battle with him, but I didn't. I did try a few times. And I ended up in tears. The thing for us is that family dinner time is really important. It is important enough for us not to want to spend every meal in tears. My intuition is that on this issue (as on so many issues) the most sanctimonious parents are probably just ones whose children just don't have this issue. Most children probably don't have this issue. I think one telling sign that my son is different is how afraid he is of desert. On many many occasions he has refused desert rather than try something he was not familiar with.

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