The power of No

I have no problem in saying no to my 16-month-old son. I always follow it up with an explanation as to why it's a "no-no." No, Ben, you may not have another graham cracker. Too many treats mean that they won't be such a treat anymore, and dinner is just an hour away. Or, No, Ben. We're not going to buy that toy. You have plenty of toys to play with at home, and that toy costs too much.

I grew up in a happy, fun, stimulating household. We were also poor until I hit my pre-teen years. All of my toys were hand-me-downs or purchased at garage sales. For the most part, I didn't notice, except when it came to clothes for my Barbie or a Cabbage Patch doll. I'm sure I heard "no" a lot from my mother, though it hasn't scarred me. "No" made me better able to adapt to my surroundings, and it made me a far more inventive at play.

My mom taught me that I should be proud not of the toys I have but of the great way I share or of all the great games I can play without toys. I hope to teach my son the same values. And we only own one matchbox car, but he has more fun playing with a bucket of clothespins anyway.

Cheryl at http://redpens-diapers.blogspot.com

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I have no problem what so ever saying no to my daughter. and it doesnt matter about what. And she is a much better behaved kid for it. I have seen the kids that have parets that dont tell them no or dont do it often enough. Those are the kids I dont want my daughter hanging out with when she gets older.

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I guess we've come full circle. A few decades ago the new "wisdom" was that you should avoid "no" and any other negative term at all costs because it would teach children limits which would limit their lifelong success and happiness.

I'm happy to say my mom didn't believe that and was quite free - even lavish - with her use of the word.

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I have absolutely no problem saying no. To my 2 year old or my 12 year old. They appreciate what they do get to do so much more. It really upsets me when I see other parents refusing to deny their children anything. Do they really think this is preparing them for the real world?

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I think because I'm a stay-at-home mom, I have no problem saying no to my three-year-old. No guilt here!

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Heck, that's my favorite word!!! And b/c my 5yr old likes to answer with "why", I like to follow with my second favorite phase "b/c I'm the mommmy and I said so".

I have read an article in our paper for years written by a man named John Rosemond. I few years ago he wrote a Bill of Rights for children. I had almost forgot about it till my son's ped. put it up in his checkup rooms. It's great and I really think it's right.

http://rosemond.com/index.php?action=website-view&WebSiteID=389&WebPageID=9896

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I have a 2.5 year old, so there's a lot of NOs in our house. I try to keep it matter-of-fact and not dramatic. Sure, sometimes it would be easier to say yes, but I'd rather deal with a toddler tantrem now than a teenage tantrem later. My husband and I figure we're just making a good investment in our sanity.

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I have no problem saying no to my daughter. We try to strike a balance: we want to listen to her and respecting her feelings without going so far that we've stopped being parents and just become yes-men.

We once had a party at our house to which my husband's buddy attended with his wife and daughter. It quickly became apparent that this child had NO manners whatsoever - the highlight was when she came into the kitchen and demanded of me "Where are the treats?" and then stood there with her mouth wide open like a seal. Given that our dog treats were sitting right there, I was sorely tempted... Later, when my husband thanked them for coming and mentioned that their daughter was pretty, the husband responded about how much they loved her and they NEVER say no to her because it's such a NEGATIVE word. And I thought, what a disservice they're doing this girl. Because I can guarantee them, OTHER people will say no to her and she's not going to know how to handle it. She'll be a spoiled unpleasant brat. Great way to raise your kid.

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I think the only time I have a really hard time saying no to my daughter is if we're already out getting something we don't really need, and what she wants is less expensive than whatever thing we're getting.
For example, if we're at the store and I'm getting a movie or a book, it's hard for me to basically say "no, daddy gets something special and you don't" when I'm getting a 6 or 7 dollar book and she wants a 4 or 5 dollar toy. She doesn't need a new pony any more than I need the new book, or movie, or etc, but odds are good that if I walk out with something special for me, she'll have something as well.

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Interesting. I remember having more self-esteem when I behaved myself, and wishing my mother would do something to help me stop the guilt I felt when I misbehaved. I'll be talking about that subject in future posts on my blog at http://www.parentextremis.com/

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