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Can I baptize my child without being religious?
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Well, folks, in the interest of sparking controversy everywhere I have decided to present our dear readers with a question I've been churning around in my mind since I was pregnant. Actually, in all honesty, this is something I am struggling with and could really use some advice on resolving. Maybe you can help!
I'm very strongly considering having my son baptized. Nothing wrong with that in and of itself, of course. Infant baptism is all the rage with many religions. See, the thing is, neither my husband nor I are religious. I would say currently I am a spiritual person, but not someone who attends a house of regular worship on an even remote basis nor who has any real interest in doing so. That said, I've been having this urge to get my kid baptized.
Before we get too far into this, a few things:
1. I have nothing against religion, organized or otherwise. This column is NOT about the virtues (or not) of religion.
2. I know there are those of you who will immediately hit me over the head with my amoral atrocity for not going to church every Sunday. I already know in your eyes that I'm headed to H-E-double-hockey-sticks so no need to comment on that. Again, the column is NOT about this.
Ok, now, moving on:
It might seem hypocritical to not be religious yet wish to do something VERY religious for my child. On the contrary--I figure I was baptized and later had the opportunity to decide for myself whether or not I wanted to remain religious, so why not provide that for my son? I mean, after all, if there is a God (not the point of this column; I repeat NOT the point of this column) and it's important to be baptized in order to get into heaven, why not give my son that opportunity?
At least I think baptism might be a requirement for getting into heaven, in addition to being a good person and whatnot. Like I said, I am not a religious person. I did attend Catholic school from first through third grade though, so you'd think I would remember SOMETHING from that time. Sheesh.
What I'm trying to say is that my parents gave me the foundation and I chose from there; shouldn't I do the same for my son? Or should I let him make that decision when he's old enough (and, if so, when is old enough? When he's an adult?).
Anyhow, this conundrum isn't keeping me from getting sleep or anything but it is something to which I've given a lot of thought. The real issue isn't whether or not I SHOULD do it, but whether or not it can even BE done. Having been raised sort of Catholic I am pretty sure any Catholic priest worth his salt won't baptize a child unless the parents are members of the church. I'd have to assume--and here's where I am hoping for some clarification from you, dear reader--that other houses of worship employ similar policies.
As you might imagine from the above I am not going to join a church. It wouldn't be fair to those who were there in earnest. If I joined, I wouldn't be seen at mass or at fundraisers or at the summer picnic. Well, maybe the picnics--I gotta tell ya, from experience, church picnics are pretty awesome. Not to mention that going through all the hullabaloo of joining only to conspicuously drop after the baptism would totally mess with my karma.
So what advice can you offer? I would like to know what, if any, options exist for this kind of situation. Any thoughts? Remember, I'm not asking whether you to bash religion, think I am headed to tarnation for what I choose for myself (not being religious) or whether or not there's a God. I just want to know if it's possible to have my son baptized.
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 2)
5-31-2007 @ 9:41PM
Jennie said...Do what you want to do. No one knows any of the answers with 100 percent certainty anyway. If you feel the need to baptize him, call around and find a church that is willing to do that, maybe even your childhood church since there is at least that family connection and they may be more willing to do so. There are tons of parents who go through this ritual who do not go to church on a regular basis.
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5-31-2007 @ 9:41PM
Crystal said...I have the same problem. I was raised born-again. And because baptism is more of an adult-thing, after you repent, and yada-yada, I never was. And the day I actually had a choice about going, I stopped attending. My husband is a confirmed catholic, but doesnt practice.
SO, needless to say we have two sides of the family raising eyebrows at my unbaptized children.
My husband and I have decided to do nothing, and to let our children decide when they are ready if they want religion in their lives. Its totally a personal decision, and I do not feel right making that decision for my children.
If they express a desire to go to church, they certainly can. If they do not want to attend, then they wont have to.
And the grandparents and great-grandparents are just going to have to accept that. :)
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6-01-2007 @ 7:37AM
SM said...Here's something inflammatory: why don't you baptize the kid yourself? I did. Seriously. I'm raising my child as a Christian, but I'm not particularly comfortable with organized religion.
The husband and I were giving our daughter a bath not long after she came home. We were discussing the morals we hope to pass on to her, traditions we want to instill, and we decided right then and there to pray, ask for guidance in raising our child and dedicate her to a Christian life. Isn't that what a baptism is about?
I'm not going to get into salvation logistics. Obviously I'm not too keen on following a set of religious rules. But, for us, this impromptu prayer session was just as meaningful as anything done within the walls of the church.
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6-01-2007 @ 1:05PM
kdiane said...Saying you are considering that baptism may be a requirement for going to heaven shows that you believe this is a possibility.
If your son contracted an illness, I'm sure you would put a lot of effort into research trying to find answers through asking questions, books, internet research, expert advice, etc. I think you owe yourself and your family the same consideration on this issue, and you already have started by asking this question.
The Message version of the New Testament may be a good start, and I would highly recommend Lee Strobel's books The Case for Christ and The Case for Faith, as being among the best for answering questions like yours and many others. You may have to search a little, but there are clergy out there who would more than welcome your very honest concerns and questions, even with the limitations you have expressed.
Your son will make his own decisions someday, but for a long time he will be looking to you for answers. Think of all the questions that will come up such as when a family member or friend dies. How will you comfort him. When he starts growing into a young man and begins to face questions of purpose, etc.
At least if you do as much to educate yourself in this area as you would in other areas, you will feel confident in giving him options at the very least, and you never know what you may learn that surprises you.
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6-01-2007 @ 1:46PM
Cathy d said...You mentioned in your letter that you want your son to go to Heaven, and I think that is every parents wish, but in order to get there, yes you must be baptized, but you also have to have a personal relationship with Jesus and then and only then can you be baptized. I belong to a great church that I love going to. Yes, I do go every Sunday and Wed. with the Kids, but some of my best friends are there. If you dont want to go to church, let your child do Vacation Bible School and let him decide what he would like to do. He might see some of his friends there that he knows from school.
Praying for you and your family.
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