Would you leave your baby home alone?
Filed under: Just For Moms, Babies, Health & Safety: Babies
I've been reading lots of stories lately about bad things happening to children who have been left alone by their parents. Madeline Mcann is making headlines, but there are others. In two separate incidents in Houston, a three year old and a five year old both died after being left alone by their mothers. In both cases, the oldest child in the house was six years old. Obviously, 6 years old is way too young for that responsibility and I have a hard time understanding why a parent would do it.
I believe most parents wouldn't leave their young children home alone, but yesterday I saw something that made me wonder. Ellie and I went to our neighborhood pool for a swim before dinner. As usual, the pool was packed with little kids swimming and mothers supervising. One of the mothers has 5 children all under the age of 8, but only four were at the pool. The baby wasn't with her and I assumed he was home with dad. But then I noticed she was carrying around a baby monitor -- clearly the baby was home sleeping while she was at the pool.
Her house is directly behind the pool area and you can see her back yard clearly through the wrought iron fence. She was getting up every 15 minutes or so and walking closer to her house with the monitor to her ear, obviously listening for the baby. Eventually, the baby woke up and she gathered up her kids and went home.
Having five young children is a tough job and I understand why she would want to leave the baby sleeping at home while she took the older kids to the pool. But I don't understand why she would actually do it. Even though her house was in sight, she couldn't see her front door and because of the fence, getting back home would take her a few minutes even if she ran. The fact that we have had a rash of break-ins in our neighborhood lately makes it even more risky. Am I paranoid or was she being irresponsible?
I believe most parents wouldn't leave their young children home alone, but yesterday I saw something that made me wonder. Ellie and I went to our neighborhood pool for a swim before dinner. As usual, the pool was packed with little kids swimming and mothers supervising. One of the mothers has 5 children all under the age of 8, but only four were at the pool. The baby wasn't with her and I assumed he was home with dad. But then I noticed she was carrying around a baby monitor -- clearly the baby was home sleeping while she was at the pool.
Her house is directly behind the pool area and you can see her back yard clearly through the wrought iron fence. She was getting up every 15 minutes or so and walking closer to her house with the monitor to her ear, obviously listening for the baby. Eventually, the baby woke up and she gathered up her kids and went home.
Having five young children is a tough job and I understand why she would want to leave the baby sleeping at home while she took the older kids to the pool. But I don't understand why she would actually do it. Even though her house was in sight, she couldn't see her front door and because of the fence, getting back home would take her a few minutes even if she ran. The fact that we have had a rash of break-ins in our neighborhood lately makes it even more risky. Am I paranoid or was she being irresponsible?











ReaderComments (Page 1 of 3)
5-31-2007 @ 4:58PM
Amanda said...I live in such a safe place, but I have never done this. About 2 weeks ago, a lady entered my house while I was home alone with my 3 children. My door was unlocked, but she was altered and has since been diagnosed with schizophrenia. We are just lucky that she was harmless. And, I was there the whole time. Imagine if I had stepped out for a second. Believe me, I am much more safety minded and now my answer is no, I would never leave them alone.
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5-31-2007 @ 11:00AM
Sandyone said...My answer to your question is yes and yes.
The pool is practically a backyard pool for this family.
There are two reasons why *I* wouldn't do this, and neither one has to do with safety.
I have had some really crappy experiences with baby monitors. For some reason, the reception stinks and more than once, I have been confident that Junior is sleeping soundly, only to have a quick errand near his room and hear him *screaming* his head off, with evidence that he's been crying for quite some time. I don't let my babies cry at all and I felt horrid for putting him through it.
The other reason is that someone might get it in their head to report me for leaving the baby in the house.
I don't trust monitors and I don't trust neighbors. I sure as hell don't trust CPS.
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5-31-2007 @ 11:03AM
Lt said...I would have to say that she was being irresponsible. *Probably* nothing bad was going to happen, but you just really never know and it's not a chance worth taking. Plus, she doesn't know if there's some baby-wanting person at the pool who is going to take note of this, and use a future opportunity to break into her house and steal her baby. Far fetched? Yes. Still - not a chance I would take.
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5-31-2007 @ 11:02AM
Spring said...Are you sending her a link to this article so we can hear her side of the story? I don't think we should be judging the actions of anyone you saw do something at a pool... I would be up for discussing a hypothetical situation but this seems unfair.
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5-31-2007 @ 11:03AM
Lt said...Ps - I LOVE the shirt that the baby is wearing in the photo!
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5-31-2007 @ 11:04AM
Michelle said...This is crazy irresponsible! I can't even leave my 9 month old in the house when I walk 50 feet to the mailbox.
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5-31-2007 @ 11:22AM
SKL said...Historically moms had to go a lot farther from their babies in order to do their daily chores. It's not like she went to the mall. It was a lot more responsible to supervise her kids at the pool next-door pool, with a baby monitor in hand, than leave them at a pool without supervision while she attends to her sleeping baby. When a baby with four siblings naps, do most moms keep all the siblings inside so they don't have to leave the napping baby's side? I don't think that's reasonable.
I love people who think you should never leave your baby's side, and you should never let your kid outside without accompanying him, and so on. Those people usually don't have five kids.
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5-31-2007 @ 11:54AM
Jenn said...I'm really surprised by the reasonable responses this article has gotten so far. I was expecting a whole lot of judging and condemning of this mum to be going on when I decided to read the comments.
No, I don't believe this mother was being irresponsible at all, and I absolutely agree with SKL, though if I was that mother, I would be more concerned about someone reporting me to the authorities than anything happening to my child. I once went to a neighbours house for a BBQ while my baby was sleeping and was told by a neighbourhood busy body that if she saw me away from my child like that again, she would report me to children's social services. I had a monitor, and I could see my daughters bedroom window, but apparently I was a horrible mother for being on the other side of a fence.
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5-31-2007 @ 12:01PM
Lt said...Letting the 4 siblings play outside in the yard while the baby naps is one thing - being off the property in a loud, splashing, destracting environment while the baby is sleeping in the house is quite another. No one is suggesting that the siblings stay inside and do nothing while baby sleeps - but those of us who think it was a bad move are simply saying that you just shouldn't be so far away from the baby. What if the oven was left on and caught fire? What if something quietly broke in? Anything can happen. Just ask Madeline's IDIOT parents.
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6-03-2007 @ 6:51AM
Andrea said...Maybe I'm paranoid, but I don't think I could do this. I'm lucky that my kid can nap anywhere though, so I would just bring him with me. Too many "what if's" for me.
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5-31-2007 @ 12:08PM
Ethel said...There are laws about when you can leave kids at home, and in most states its about 9 years of age, without the added responsibility of babysitting younger sibs! For all of you who think that it is okay to leave your baby in the house and leave to go next door, you are all liable and social services would need to investigate. There are no excuses, period! You can't hear fire, and CO and smoke inhalation would mean a baby would not cry or make noise. You can't count on interference on the monitor causing you not to hear anything. You are responsible for the kids, and that means being home with them even when they are sleeping.
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5-31-2007 @ 12:48PM
Messed Up Mama said...It may be true that some Moms left their babies at home while they did their chores, and they might have been farther away than this Mom was, it's also true that more babies died back then. It's a very different situation in any case, this Mom left her baby at home while he was sleeping because it was convenient for her, the Moms SKL is talking about didn't have many options. Some of them carried their babies in slings, or took a basket for the baby to lay in while she worked in the fields or was out in the barn taking care of the animals. Moms in those days also commonly had their family or their In-Laws to help with the baby. There are many things people did "historically" that we don't do today.
However, I have to agree that we don't know the whole story. Dad, or some one else, might have been home with the sleeping baby but didn't want to take care of him once he woke up. So Mom took the monitor with her, allowing the older children some time in the pool, and still able to know when the baby woke up so they could go home.
Oh, SKL, no one suggested that the family had to stay "by the napping babies side", I'm sure the older children could have gone out to play in the yard. Mom might have wanted to keep a closer eye on any children younger than 3 in that case, but I doubt that anyone here would suggest that Moms keep their children in the house while baby naps. That's just silly.
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5-31-2007 @ 12:58PM
Ginny said...I don't think it's right to leave a baby or young child in the house alone. I'm not talking about going to get the paper in the driveway or getting the mail, but leaving the property...No. Not ever.
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5-31-2007 @ 12:59PM
Groovymarlin said...Wow, I can't even imagine going out and doing yard work while my baby sleeps. I'm just that paranoid!
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5-31-2007 @ 1:13PM
Marcia said...Why couldn't she have put the baby in a stroller that reclines or something and take the baby along? She could've found a spot around the edge somewhere that the baby would be out of the way of the other kids. I would never leave my daughter in the house alone while I went to a pool next door. Our baby monitor just recently died on us while she was just upstairs sleeping. All the little lights and everything were on like it was fine but when I heard her crying from upstairs and nothing from the monitor that worried me. You just never know.
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5-31-2007 @ 1:42PM
april said...For those of you worried about crazy baby-stealers, Marcia's idea of bringing the baby to the pool ought to make you cringe. Sure, bring a baby to crowded busy public place and then tuck him in a corner while trying to keep an eye on four other children.
I am not necessarily agreeing with what this woman did, but I would much rather leave my child safely locked in my home and in her crib, than leave her out in public where I couldn't keep a constant watch of her. You can say that you would stay near the baby, but what if one of your other children had an emergency and you had to attend to them. Someone could take your baby in seconds.
Anyway, I admit that I will go across the street to get the mail, or garden out in the backyard, or sit on the back porch with my husband, or even (gasp) go next door to hang out with neighbors, while leaving my daughter to sleep in her crib. I bring the baby monitor (except to get the mail, that is just silly) lock the doors, make sure ovens and what not are turned off, and stay close enough that I can get back to my house very quickly. Is this any less attentive than when I take a nap while she while she sleeps? I don't think so, but maybe some people would think that is irresponsible too.
So Ethel, why don't you sic CPS on my because I must be a lousy mother. Oh yeah, and no, I can't "hear fire" but I can hear the fire alarm go off.
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5-31-2007 @ 1:48PM
M4Mommy said...Nope, not safe to do in this day and age.
Sure "historically" moms left their babies to do chores... washing clothes in the river on rocks, foraging for berries and nuts. Wait,, nope, they actually brought them with them and wore them in slings when they did this work.
Mom was irresponsible. Maybe finding a sitter for the youngest would have been a better idea? Or bringing baby along and setting up in the shade out of the way. But to leave the little one home? What if there was an emergency at the pool with one of her older children? Then what??? "Oh wait a minute officer. I have to go home and get baby first!" Yeah... good idea
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5-31-2007 @ 2:13PM
Amy said...Don't people watch the news? Look at the little girl who was kidnapped almost a month ago. Her parents were right there, and still, noone saw a thing. I would never dare leave my son, for any amount of time, for any reason. I have woke him up out of a sound sleep to drive 1 block to pick my daughter up from from school. It just isn't worth it.
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5-31-2007 @ 2:40PM
tuliptoe said...I agree with Spring. It seems harsh and ugly to be specifically judging this woman. No one here, even Sandy has any idea what this mom does in a day or thinks or feels etc... It would have been better for you (Sandy) to at least turn this into a hypothetical.
How about offering to watch her older kids at the pool so she can stay at home with the napping kid? It's nice to see that everyone here jumping on the "irresponsible" bandwagon has no sympathy or helpful ideas for this lady.
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5-31-2007 @ 3:12PM
Marcia said...I wasn't suggesting tucking the baby in the corner and turning your head. When I take my daughter out, no matter how many kids are with our family, she stays right in front of me at all times and I never turn my back on her. I just don't think it was a good idea to leave the kid in the house alone and unattended regardless if she had a monitor (as I stated, ours failed).
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