I've came home from a Target shopping trip to find my toddler clutching a small plastic animal that we hadn't paid for. Since I go there just about once a week, I just paid for it the next time we went. No big deal. I don't see why Kristen can't/couldn't do this with the Gap duck.

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If they got wrecked, like crushed cookies, we still buy them. If they're fine, we leave them with the cashier and an apology. If they've made it all the way out to the car, it would be an on the spot decision to return immediately or the next day. The decision depends on state of mind/hunger/nap status (of all!), how close/far the store is to home and age of kids. Older kids need the example immediately. If there are only younger ones who are oblivious, it can wait until a more convenient time.

It's always better to return the item sooner rather than later, as sometimes later never comes. If I'm going to return later, it's a good idea to call the store and tell them about it. That helps keep me honest and make the effort to get back.

There are all kinds of people who benefit from this kind of honesty. You, your kids, the cashier, the company, the bystanders (parents, children and everyone else) and society as a whole. Being honest shouldn't make us feel like weirdos. It should simply be expected and a cashier who poo-poos it or gushes over it should be the exception and not the rule.

As for waiting until your children are older to begin this kind of integrity, little ones might not need the example, but that doesn't mean the right thing shouldn't be done. It just means that the right thing can be put off for a few hours or a day.

Integrity is something that can be really hard to hold onto. Once it starts slipping, it's really hard to get back and really hard for it to stop slipping.

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It really depends. If you're still in the store, yes, pay for it. But I 100% understand that with sleeping kids already locked up and ready to go, going back in the store is just a pain. She didn't intentionally take it or hide it.

I agree that if it's a store I go to frequently I would bring it up the next time and pay for it. That, however, is depending on my already faulty memory, so while I would WANT to, it's a tossup whether it would actually happen. I understand the desire and yes, the need, to teach our children right from wrong. But every moment does not have to be a teaching moment, and there are times when inconvenience trumps the need on the part of parents to make everything into an example - maybe not many times, hopefully not many times, but in this case, what is she proving (and to whom?) by going back in the store? The baby is sleeping and not likely to learn anything anyway. The 3-year old can be told that the toy is not his and needs to be returned, and have it taken away. This will get the point across immediately while awaiting a more convenient time to return or pay for said item.

Having said that, we all do what is convenient. I'm not judging anyone who would go back in the store immediately - that's great. But me, I wouldn't, not in that scenario.

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the sleeping child excuse is dumb, because she could have returned to the store another day. if you're gonna be a thief, admit you're a thief. don't make weak excuses for your behavior.

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I certainly wouldn't (and didn't) yell at Kristen for doing it... but for my family, we've made the decision to consciously do the right thing, even when it's inconvenient. I consider the rubber ducky to be a minor infraction, though. A more serious issue? When the cashier gives you incorrect change. We accidentally received more than twenty extra bucks in change one day, and I didn't notice until we got home. I drove back to correct the issue since I've worked a register before, and I know that if my drawer didn't add up at the end of the day, it comes out of my paycheck. And for somebody working minimum wage, twenty missing bucks is a big deal. I've brought back change though, so it's not really the dollar amount. It's the principal.

So I'd haul the kids back out of the car and bring the ducky back. Or I'd call the store when I got home and let them know what happened and assure them that I'd be coming back to return the duck or pay for it the next day. But really, I don't preach to other people about it. I certainly understand how people could feel that it's unimportant, and I don't hold it against them. I'm not holier than thou. Some days I don't remember to brush my toddler's teeth, while Kristen probably never forgets. :)

Cheryl at http://redpens-diapers.blogspot.com

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Wow, only four comments in, the "holier than thou" and judgmental b.s. starts! Oh well.

Personally, I like the idea of paying for it the next time you're at the store, whether it's the next day or the next week. Let's be honest, we're talking about an item that cost a few dollars, it's not the monetary value that's the issue, it's teaching your kids right from wrong.

I remember one time when I was in the first or second grade. My mom and I went to Gold Circle, a discount store, and I picked up a pair of tennies I wanted to get for my gym shoes. For some reason mom said no, but I continued to carry them in my hand...even as we walked out the front door and into the Fazio's grocery next door! We were in the produce section when mom and I both noticed, to our horror, that I was still holding those shoes. I think my mom panicked, because her solution was to order me to immediately put the shoes down, under a produce display, and walk away. LOL! I think now that I'm a mom, I'd handle it a bit differently, and take my daughter back to the store to pay for or return the shoes.

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It isn't just kids who do that. I managed to walk out with two cans of anchovies in my pocket once. (They're about the same size as a cell phone and I'd left my cart at the end of the aisle. Somehow I equaled something in my hand with cell phone, I don't carry a purse, and everything goes in my large pockets.

I paid for them the next trip back.

We've been lucky with the kids. Nothing has ever left the store that I know of but I've discovered extra things at checkout and put them back.

If I notice an undercharge, I point it out but I might not notice something very small. I ended up with 3 "free" t-shirts at a bargain store once because the checker insisted she was right and I was wrong. She was becoming hostile and I let it go. I still feel a little guilty and perhaps I should have asked her to get a manager. Of course then she would have been in trouble.

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When my son was 2y old, he bugged me to buy him a sucker, but I said no. He must have decided to outwit me, because we were standing in the checkout line when I noticed he was licking the forbidden sucker.

I asked him to hand it to me, laid it on the counter and asked the checkout girl how much. Then I handed her the money, and asked her to toss the sucker in the garbage. Both her and my son`s mouth hung open in shock. She tried to get me to take the sucker, but I refused.

He had no right to disobey me, and I would not reward him for that. He never did that again.

Catherine of http://frugalbabytips.blogspot.com/

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When did it become "ok" for any child to take and put anything in a cart? A parent has a responsibility to watch their child while they are shopping and make sure that ""things""are just taken and dropped into the cart in the first place.

When my daughter was younger we always told her that hands belong in the cart. And I have never had to buy something, or return something that didnt belong in the cart or wasnt asked politely for, in the first place.

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I don't have a problem with my children picking up items and walking off with them...my problem is when I put it in the buggy and check out only to realize wheN i get to the car and take out the baby carrier there's something there...lol...I go back and pay for it depending on what is going on.

As for going back later and doing it? If I did that I would never remember to actauuly do it. I have called a store back and told them what has happened and allowed them to charge it to the card I used to pay for other items.

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My god, GAP is probably going to be bankrupt now! I hope you're happy. Seriously, if it was an accident, and only a few dollars, what's the big deal?

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What's the big deal? It isn't yours, and if you keep it without paying for it, you're a thief. I think that's a very big deal indeed. Be thankful the store didn't catch you and call the cops.

Accidents happen, but it is up to us to make things right, ethically. If that involves going to a little trouble on our part, so be it. After all, it's our fault the thing happened in the first place.

Even a clerk's mistake is our fault if we weren't watching.

If our child sees us shrug it off, what's to keep the kid from swiping something else next time you're in a store?

I agree with the commenter who said that kids should keep their hands inside the cart. I know some of you think I am the meanest mother alive but the truth is, I taught my children to behave and when they didn't, they were sorry. In order to teach them to behave, I tried to behave myself, as well. It does no good to tell a child that stealing is wrong when we don't make any effort to correct a "mistake" when we discover it. Putting it off tells a child that it wasn't all that big a deal.

And a parent who doesn't consider stealing a big deal? A parent who doesn't consider taking an item from a store without paying for it, stealing?

Oh please. Has anybody else noticed that most people who whine about others making "moral judgements" are the people who don't seem to have any morals?

It was lovely to read here that so many of you are kind and decent people who would never dream of keeping something that wasn't yours. It gives me hope.

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Well it seems obvious to me that you should return the item. You didn't pay for it, so it doesn't belong to you. If you can't return it right away (baby's asleep or whatever), just return it as soon as possible and apologize; most stores will understand. I used to work in the children's section of a large bookstore and stowaways were common. We completely understood this and really appreciated the swift return of the accidentally purloined merchandise. Almost as much as we appreciated you preventing your toddler from tearing open the shrink-wrap on every copy of "More Bugs in a Box". :D

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Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think $6.95 is trivial at all - it seems like it's being regarded as next to nothing. I can remember when I worked more than a couple hours for that much money.

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I missed the original discussion on this. Here are my 2 cents, since you asked.

Doing the right thing is *rarely* convenient. If it was, then everyone would always do the right thing instead of being lazy. This world would be a much better place.

It may just be a $6.95 rubber ducky, but what about all of the other people who've had that happen and never returned it? Those incidences contribute to high prices for *everyone*. Stores intentionally mark up prices to cover their bottom line because they know things like this -- shoplifting, stealing, being lazy, whatever you want to call it -- happen, and they don't want it to eat into their profits.

My personal anecdote: When I was about 7, my mom had told me that I couldn't have a package of gum that I wanted. I slipped it into the cart without her knowledge.

A few hours later, at home, I was chewing the gum. She was really angry with me and told me that if that pack of gum wasn't on her receipt, she was taking me back to the store to "make amends" (first time I'd ever heard that phrase). It wasn't on the reciept.

She was 7 months pregnant at the time, but loaded me up,,along with my 2 year old sister, and drove to the store. We all went into the store, where she had a checker call a manager. I had to apologize and pay for the gum out of my allowance.

I was grounded for two weeks and missed my friend's birthday party.

You can bet I've never done anything like that again.

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I would return it even with a sleeping child, for two reasons.

One, it is a teachable moment for any child old enough to understand honesty or respecting others' property.

Two, it is my personal principal to always be honest. I could never say this if I made exceptions. Since honesty is a very important aspect of my self-image, I would not compromise it over something so minor as a walk back to the store with a sleeping child.

If I had driven a hundred miles and had no intention of going back in the near future, and it would cost more than the value of the toy to replace it, and it was not a teachable moment because my kids weren't old enough to understand, then I would probably pray for forgiveness, donate the ducky to charity, and do some other sort of self-imposed penance to make me feel less guilty. But I would still feel guilty.

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Rachel, how did the manager respond? It drives me nuts when my kids apologize for a wrongdoing and they're told, "Oh, that's ok, Honey." Accepting apologies can be awkward, but grown-ups need to learn to do it better. Dumb comments like that one just make the kid wonder why his crazy mom made him apologize.

We have two stories in my family. My brother was caught referring to an elderly neighbor as a witch. I think they were playing ding-dong-dash, too. Just dumb kid stuff, but Mom heard him or got wind of it. She made him go an apologize. She accepted his apology and then gave him a tinful of what have ever-after been called "Mrs. Crawford's Kisses". They were peanut butter cookies with a Hershey kiss pressed into the top. We'd never had such a delicacy! A friendship was born and she regularly treated our family to her cookies and companionship.

My sister, on the other hand, was not so fortunate. She'd picked some crocuses (Spring's first flowers) and brought them to my mother as a gift. Mom knew she must have gotten them from someone's yard and took my sister to apologize to the woman. She was just a little kid and didn't even know she shouldn't have picked the flowers, but Mom knew that they lady deserved an apology. Instead of a gracious acceptance, the shrew proceeded to yell at my sister (and I think my mother, too). Talk about a old meanie!

Whenever I have my kids apologize, I make sure that I'm prepared to smack down a nasty adult. I'm still at a loss for how to act when they pull the "it doesn't matter" bit. If it's a friend, I usually prepare them for the apology and ask them to say something forgiving and constructive.

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I can not believe how judgemental some of you are. I also wondner how many of you are being honest, and how many are just sitting on their soap boxes.

I can not believe the rude comments to others, let me ask, what are you teaching your children now? How to be rude and judgemental?

First off, I watch my child in the store, and her hands stay in the cart/stroller at all times so this incident would rarely have a chance of happening. However, if it did happen I can not say that I would necessarily take it back, nor can I say I wouldn't, I can not answer that until it happens, does that potentially make me a thief?

I don't think so, accidents happen. Let me ask how many of you have walked off with a pen used to sign a check, or a piece of paper from work, perhaps a paper clip? In your eyes would that too would be classified as stealing? I doubt it. How about those of you who speed? That is illegal too..

I am guessing by how judgemental many of you are that the same people teaching their children these great morals, but terrible social skills are also those of you who stop at every stop sign, red/yellow lights, never speed etc. It must feel good to know you are so perfect.

So why don't some of you take a step back and look at how rude you are being, and let's not judge each other!

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I'm fascinated at how many people are looking at this as "setting a bad example" or "great time to teach your kid something".

I always thought that it was basic morals and common courtesy that you pay for things from stores - even if nobody sees you do it and you aren't going to get in trouble.

It's fair to pay for it on your next trip to the store, sure fine. But it's got to be paid for in a reasonable time!

Sure, that's judgmental of me. But honestly - people are trying to defend taking without buying, also known as stealing.

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Actually, I never speed, I've never gotten a traffic ticket, I ALWAYS stop at stop signs, I 'yield' when the sign tells me to, and if I forget to turn on my signals, I go straight and turn at the NEXT block. I don't even know where the horn button is, in my car. If a passenger of any age unbuckles his/her seat belt, I pull over and we don't move until everyone is secure again. And, if one child chooses to misbehave, I have been known to pull into the Jiffy Treat and buy ice cream cones for everyone in the car EXCEPT the miscreant.

Lack of courtesy, and the tendency to become defensive when it's pointed out, are two of our biggest problems. If everyone would just simply behave properly, the whole world would be a better place.

And yes, if you don't know if you'd return the item or not, then "potentially" you are a thief. If you return it, you are not. If you do not return it, you are. That's potential, and it's also a matter of choice. Most things are. In spite of whatever circumstances, we choose to be honest, or we choose to be dishonest. It's all up to us, and those who make that dishonest choice had better be ready for some unfair, oh boo hoo, judgemental comments about their ethics.

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