What to do with the items that fall in the cart?

"It's fair to pay for it on your next trip to the store, sure fine. But it's got to be paid for in a reasonable time!"

This is judgemental?!?? No way.

It's a judgement, but not judgemental.

Judgemental would be saying, "You're a terrible person if you don't return it right away" or "you suck if you wait to or simply don't return it" or "you're going to hell for this" or "what kind of a parent are you, anyway?". Those are judgemental statements.

Saying that stealing is wrong is judgemental? Hardly. It is a simple statement of fact.

There is a huge difference between judgements and judgemental statements, making judgements and being judgemental. I think the confusion is what results is so much finger pointing and name-calling in any sort of debate.

A person doesn't have to be perfect in order to set standards. It helps, but since I'm quite certain that there is no perfect person walking this earth, we have to go with some kind of standard. We're all supposed to strive to meet or exceed the standard.

Uly, excellent point regarding the kids. It's really not about setting a good example or having a teaching moment. It's about doing the right thing. I think that maybe it's because this is a parenting blog that the comments lean toward the effect our actions have on the kids. For the record, I would do these things before I had kids, too (though it was highly unlikely that a Gap duckie would wind up in my stroller, since I didn't have one before I had kids. Nor did I have a kid who would get it in there!) Integrity and honesty are more important to model to kids. It is since having kids that I have realized that my integrity level could stand to go up a notch or two...those kids don't miss a trick, while we adults are really good at forgetting our slips.

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Everyone makes mistakes. When it's a mistake that you can't go back and correct, like accidentally making a wrong move in traffic, you apologize, make a mental note to be more careful next time, and move on. When you can correct it, the reaction depends on whether it cost anybody anything. Taking something from a store costs someone something. Even if you think it's small from their perspective, it's a conversion. You should try to make it right, or at the very least admit that it was a very wrong thing to do. Rationalizing an act that hurts someone else (even a little bit) indicates a weakness of morals, in my opinion.

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I made fun of this on my own blog (http://badladies.blogspot.com/2007/06/clockwork-sippy-cup.html)because the judgement on Kristen just got so extreme. Of COURSE one shouldn't keep things that fall into their cart or their pocket or their purse. Just ask Winona Ryder. But it is NOT the end of the universe if some ducky accidentally makes it way out of the store. And it does not make Kristen a bad person if she doesn't immediately turn around and return it.

Moral absolutes are dangerous. A toddler accidentally purloining a ducky is not theft on a level with Winona's spree or somebody holding up a gas station. Toddlers don't understand property rights (and are probably better off for it). Sure, the best thing to do is to take any available opportunity to point out that it is wrong to take things that are not ours (and to lie and to hit and TO CAST STONES) - but in this case it wasn't taken, the children were unaware and a harried mother had more pressing concerns on her mind than whether not immediately returning that ducky was starting her down a slippery moral slope to hell.

We all walk the grey area between perfectly right and clearly wrong from time to time. It's fine to say that you'd hope that you would do it a little differently, but please. Casting stones like 'thief' and 'bad' are a bit much. We should all set good examples, yes. But we're not always perfect and I, for one, commend Kristen for holding up her own actions to self-reflection and scrutiny.

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This kind of thing rarely happens to us. The two times it happened, once 6 month old boy fell asleep with his "new toy" and it slipped between his body and the side of the carseat. We didn't find it until we were home. We intended to take it back and pay for it, but it was months until we were back to that city and we had forgotten by then. The second time the boy was almost 3, and the same thing happened, a new toy we were going to buy anyway slipped between sleeping boy and the side of his stroller. It was found when we loaded the boy into his carseat, hubby took it in and paid for it. So I guess we are half way honest and half way dishonest. (shrug) Oh well, we are human, and stuff happens.

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well i am one of those that is still old school and will spank my child in public we all do it in private dont deny it. a swat on the bottom is not child abuse. i have been known to take my seven year old( stepson of 8 months) back to the store straight to the manager with item and make him pay for it and the manager keeps it and he gets spanked by me infront of manager of course i still live in small town of america where every one knows your name and the whole community works together to raise all children.

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Messed Up Mama - How eponymous.

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Dear Barb,
I think you are a lunatic. That's all I can say.

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I just realized that the problem with this whole issue lies in the title of the original post. Merchandise does not "fall" into the buggy. Kids place merchandise in the buggy. Of course the title was intended to be cute, but it indicates the underbelly of the whole problem: Parents refuse to parent.

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Miss, If you had read Kristin's post over at Motherhood Uncensored, you would know that the duck did indeed fall into the cart. Have you ever tried to push a stroller, single or double, through one of those stores? They has stuff shoved everywhere and it is a nightmare trying to steer your stroller through such a mess. It is very easy to knock stuff down, I do all the time, no matter which stroller I happen to be pushing.

You just seem to like pushing everyone's buttons, no matter the topic. You come across as rude, judgemental and bitchy. Just saying.

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Michelle, just to let you know Miss stated in a post a while back about breastfeed vs formula that she doesn't have kids...She most likely will be one of those parents that say things about how they will raise their children and how others raise theirs and it turns around and bites them in the butt...

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Wait, my bad that poster BBT that doesn't have kids and makes the comments...They sound a lot alike...SOrry

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Rebecca:

Duh. I troll.

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@ Barb: Are you serious? You spank your STEPCHILD in front of the store manager?

Number one, it is your STEPCHILD (of eight months) and you have no right to do that.

Number two: That is embarrassing to both the store manager and the child.

Number three: No, not everyone spanks their child. Please don't go and assume that everyone does, because, honestly, as a parent...this insinuation that we all do something that you do makes me feel sick.

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I have to comment on Rachel's statement that a person has no right to discipline her stepchild the same way as a bio child.

On the contrary, a parent should make no distinction between steps and bios when it comes to the responsibility to raise them in loving discipline. The method of discipline may vary depending on the child and the stage of attachment, but it would be totally irresponsible to refrain from full-fledged discipline just because a child is a step-child. I actually find the opposite suggestion quite offensive.

The issues about spanking are separate. I agree that most parents do resort to discipline that they would not philosophically advocate. For many, that includes spanking. I have seen this many times - a parent's "non-violent" discipline has failed miserably, the parent has been pushed beyond her limit, and the kid finally gets a major spanking. Even those who manage to stay away from spanking will do equally extreme things to their kids.

But I agree that spanking in front of someone else doesn't sit well with me.

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Once again, I am shocked at a writer's blatant contempt for the reader. Rachel, Barb's comment might "make you feel sick," but your reply makes me tired. Of course I don't expect the writers to agree with all commenters all the time; this is a place for the exchange of ideas and disagreements. But the tone which the writers often take strikes me as completely out-of-bounds. Writers, this isn't your personal blog. You are not on equal terms with the reader as you are on your own sites. Consequently, your words have to be measured. Naturally, you can and should voice opinions, but it's inappropriate to do so in a seering way, as is often the case. Regardless of how much you disagree with a reader, the bounds of business/client must be respected.

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Maman, did you have a point, or were you just showing off your new word for the day?

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This could never happen to me, as I've trained my stroller to never knock anything into itself. My kids I leave tied up outside because I can't keep an eye on two boys at the same time. It's the gateway duck, what's next - a whole goose?

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