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Parent vs Parent: Tattoos, temporary or otherwise
Filed under: Just For Moms, Just For Dads, Media
Reading Roger Sinasohn's piece about tattoos made me sit and think for a long time. And what I finally realized is that although I am deeply deeply sympathetic to his horror about how tattoos were used to brand holocaust victims, and I respect his position that tattoos are symbolic of de-humanization and slavery, we are all see the world and make decision based on the lens of our own experience.
When we first began talking about our positions about tattoos and being parents, I raised this issue: I don't think it's necessarily appropriate to talk about tattoos and children. Perhaps this is just a reflection of my own position. I think permanent tattoos for children under the age of 18 are probably akin to criminal negligence or abuse. And I think 18 years old is too young to make decisions about tattoos. I have two tattoos, but I got both of them when I was in my thirties, so I will tell my children that when they are in their thirties, if they feel really strongly about getting a tattoo, they can get one then. Of course, they will be able to make their own decisions before that age, but I think as much as I can influence anything they do, I will strongly encourage them to wait.
I spent more time talking about kids' tattoos than I intended to. What I'd really like to talk about is parents and tattoos. Jennifer Jordan and I were talking about the ages we were when we got our tattoos and how having kids has or has not changed our positions and attitudes about tattoos.
I already had all of my children when I got my tattoos. I had always thought tattoos were cool, but I never imagined getting one. I didn't know anybody personally who had one, and it wasn't how I was living my life. Then, I got divorced and began dating a man with a tattoo. This man was a religion professor, and he had gotten a tattoo of the wheel of Ezekiel on his left shoulder, which was relevant to his dissertation. He viewed getting a tattoo as something that was perfectly normal. In religoius studies, you deal with powerful symbols, and when you find one that says something permanent and transcendant, it seems like the thing you'd write on your body. He now has another tattoo on his right bicep: The archangel Michael striking down the Anti-Christ. I married that guy, by the way.
I had another outlook on tattoos. For me, I already had stretch marks that my children still apologize to me for, and a C-section scar across my belly. I bear these scars proudly: these scars say mother. However, getting a tattoo was a way of choosing my own scarring. I don't think my stretch marks are going to improve with age, and if the tattoos don't either, well, that's okay. I am not the one who will be looking at them when I'm in my eighties: they're on my back. After the pain of labor, childbirth, C-section, the pain of getting a tattoo is less dramatic. It's nothing. And choosing symbols that are important to me was fun, great, colorful, exotic.
Since I got my own tattoos, I have noticed that a lot of other mothers have them. I see them a lot at the pool or wading pools: an ankle here, a fore arm there. People talk about who designed them, what the designs mean to them. Most of the mothers I talk to got their tattoos after having their children, and the tattoos often have something to do with their children, who mark our bodies permanently, and most importantly, mark our souls, our hearts.
I have three dragons on my back (see the image-- I chose it from this deck of Celtic tarot cards; my tattoo represents temperance), one for each son. And there is a golden lemnisgate woven through them: My love for them goes on for infinity. It is eternal, just like my sons. And, I have always loved dragons. Dragons are magical creatures, great and terrible, and they can protect you or destroy you. And they can fly. My other tattoo, on my left hip, is a voodoo symbol of protection. I bought it first as a pendant, but I felt safer having it carved onto my body. It protects my house and children from evil.
What do you think of tattoos? Not for your children... for YOU.
When we first began talking about our positions about tattoos and being parents, I raised this issue: I don't think it's necessarily appropriate to talk about tattoos and children. Perhaps this is just a reflection of my own position. I think permanent tattoos for children under the age of 18 are probably akin to criminal negligence or abuse. And I think 18 years old is too young to make decisions about tattoos. I have two tattoos, but I got both of them when I was in my thirties, so I will tell my children that when they are in their thirties, if they feel really strongly about getting a tattoo, they can get one then. Of course, they will be able to make their own decisions before that age, but I think as much as I can influence anything they do, I will strongly encourage them to wait.
I spent more time talking about kids' tattoos than I intended to. What I'd really like to talk about is parents and tattoos. Jennifer Jordan and I were talking about the ages we were when we got our tattoos and how having kids has or has not changed our positions and attitudes about tattoos.
I already had all of my children when I got my tattoos. I had always thought tattoos were cool, but I never imagined getting one. I didn't know anybody personally who had one, and it wasn't how I was living my life. Then, I got divorced and began dating a man with a tattoo. This man was a religion professor, and he had gotten a tattoo of the wheel of Ezekiel on his left shoulder, which was relevant to his dissertation. He viewed getting a tattoo as something that was perfectly normal. In religoius studies, you deal with powerful symbols, and when you find one that says something permanent and transcendant, it seems like the thing you'd write on your body. He now has another tattoo on his right bicep: The archangel Michael striking down the Anti-Christ. I married that guy, by the way.
I had another outlook on tattoos. For me, I already had stretch marks that my children still apologize to me for, and a C-section scar across my belly. I bear these scars proudly: these scars say mother. However, getting a tattoo was a way of choosing my own scarring. I don't think my stretch marks are going to improve with age, and if the tattoos don't either, well, that's okay. I am not the one who will be looking at them when I'm in my eighties: they're on my back. After the pain of labor, childbirth, C-section, the pain of getting a tattoo is less dramatic. It's nothing. And choosing symbols that are important to me was fun, great, colorful, exotic.
Since I got my own tattoos, I have noticed that a lot of other mothers have them. I see them a lot at the pool or wading pools: an ankle here, a fore arm there. People talk about who designed them, what the designs mean to them. Most of the mothers I talk to got their tattoos after having their children, and the tattoos often have something to do with their children, who mark our bodies permanently, and most importantly, mark our souls, our hearts.
I have three dragons on my back (see the image-- I chose it from this deck of Celtic tarot cards; my tattoo represents temperance), one for each son. And there is a golden lemnisgate woven through them: My love for them goes on for infinity. It is eternal, just like my sons. And, I have always loved dragons. Dragons are magical creatures, great and terrible, and they can protect you or destroy you. And they can fly. My other tattoo, on my left hip, is a voodoo symbol of protection. I bought it first as a pendant, but I felt safer having it carved onto my body. It protects my house and children from evil.
What do you think of tattoos? Not for your children... for YOU.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
6-11-2007 @ 11:09AM
Nancy Toby said..."stretch marks that my children still apologize to me for"
HUH?
Reply
6-11-2007 @ 11:11AM
rebecca Biernesser said...I personally don't want one. But that only b/c my husband has nine total. They are all on his arms and forearms and some of them he regrets b/c either he was too young and got a stupid one (the words god of sex are one it and thank god it's faded) or he got them on his forearm and tends to cover them up around important people (new bosses, etc.) He loves what they mean and the designs, he just wished he thought about placement more.
I just don't want to go thru with the all process b/c of the needles...you would think after 2 c-sections and soon to be third, I could handle a little pain...lol...
Reply
6-11-2007 @ 6:50PM
Heather said...I had wanted the same tattoo since I was 18. I waited 10 years before I got it. It is on my lower back and I love having it. If my son wants one when he is older I hope he listens to me about waiting and making sure it is what you really want.
Reply
6-11-2007 @ 2:43PM
anderson_michelle_lee said...I have one big tatoo that I planned very specifically, and four that were the result of a rebelling teen. The one that I planned means the world to me, but has been classified differently by society. It is the "tramp stamp" apparently. At the time that I got it, I had no idea that this was how it was referred since it was 6 years ago. It is a vine with a daisy in the center and my oldest sons name above it. I would hate for him to grow up and wonder why I would have put his name there. It made perfect since at the time. it was a place that could be covered easily. I am not a belly shirt wearer and I do not prance around in low rise jeans (kuddos to those women that can wear them after kids, my hips just say no). when it is time for my children to be old enough to make this decision I am going to tell them that it can be a very beautiful thing, if you plan it and know what you really want, then it can be a great thing, but take the time to place it right and make sure it is something you can live with forever.
Reply
6-11-2007 @ 2:52PM
Marcia said...As I posted under Roger's, mine is on my lower back of a butterfly. To me, butterflies represent freedom and independence. They can go where they want and do what the want without the rules of society (which it seems we get more and more laws and restrictions as the days go on). I do not regret getting it. It's small enough to be covered when I want. I doubt I'll get another tattoo, but I do want to get this one redone since some of my ink is fading. I got it when I was 16, so between 5 and 6 years ago. My mom had to sign for me to get it and her and my dad both watched. If my daughter would want one when she's about that old, I'll think long and hard about what it is she wants, where she wants it, and her maturity level.
Reply
6-11-2007 @ 4:24PM
SM said...I have three, which I got in quick succession starting when I was 18. All are flowers are some kind because, well, I love flowers. I plan to get more work done to the one on my shoulder in the next few years. I love them. I'm glad I got them.
My 3-year-old is obviously familiar with my tatoos and the four tatoos my husband has on his biceps and legs. We've explained to her that only grownups can get tatoos. And that's that. I'm not fond of temporary tatoos because they're hard to get off and they tend to irritate her sking. And, ineveitably, one of her cousins has helped her apply one just before we have to attend some public or family function. Sigh.
So, tattoos are fine by me. My own, and the ones my daughter might later get if she chooses to do so.
Reply
6-11-2007 @ 4:55PM
Jessica said...I have had five tattoo's but only have three tattoo's. Hehe. I got my first at 18, and that one and my third one were terrible choices and terrible work.
I got the first inked over at about 23. It is a beautiful, gigantic, dragonfly now. I absolutely adore it and the artist was supreme.
I got the third redone after I had my daughter. It was already on my lower abdomen so I waited. It is now an oustanding image of a baby fairy enveloped in a leaf.
The other one, that didn't have to be redone (but needs a touch-up) is a fiery unicorn. I like mystical beings and my body art represents me in that respect. I don't regret any of them.
And for anyone who hasn't had one, they're addicting. I think it's the pain and then the resulting beautiful picture....but once you get one, it's hard to stop :)
Reply
6-11-2007 @ 6:40PM
southerncharm said..."And I think 18 years old is too young to make decisions about tattoos."
At 18yrs old a person can join the military and die for thier country, I believe at 18yrs old, a person is able to make a decision about a tatoo.
Reply
6-11-2007 @ 7:21PM
Nicole said...Having been interested in Jewish culture and specifically the holocaust, and having visited Auschwitz-Birkneau I can see how you might feel that way about tattoos.
However, for myself, I think it was the way in which tattoos were used to humiliate and dehumanize rather than something inherent to tattooing that makes the tattoos of the concentration camps a travesty. I think that reclaiming the art of tattooing as an expression of one's humanity and specialness in the eyes of God is one way to redeem how tattoos were misused. I liken it to planes have been used to bomb people, but I don't refuse to ride on one.
I have a tattoo that I got last september. I have the word "beloved" in script on my lower back. It's not a fashion statement for me, but a reminder of my undeniable, inalienable worth to God. I am his beloved. And I have such a hard time remembering and acting in that manner, that I chose to permanently remind myself.
So, if my kids want tattoos, they can make that decision when they are adults, but I will encourage them to make their tattoos works of art that are meaningful.
Reply
6-12-2007 @ 7:45AM
Anna said...I have 8 tattoos, and will have 10 relatively soon. I'm 35 years old, and got my first tattoo at age 21. I grew up in a family where men had tattoos and they looked great to me and I always wanted one. They are tasteful and artistic, not trashy. I got all of my tattoos before my son was born 2 years ago. My next tattoo is designed for him and will bear his name. It's a cresent moon made of water, showing the wave points because he's a Cancer - so he's a moonchild and a water sign. I'll have his name written inside the curve of the moon. My next tattoo after that isn't yet designed. I just got a pack of temporary tattoos to play with, with Noah. I think that when he's old enough to decide if he wants a tattoo legally, he can have it done. My husband has a large tattoo on his calf and is getting the moon tattoo to match mine as well. Self-expression is a good thing when not harmful.
Reply
6-12-2007 @ 9:54AM
thordora said...@Nicole-I'm an atheist, but I really love your "beloved" idea. I think that's a beautiful way to express your faith.
Reply
6-12-2007 @ 11:03AM
Eva said...Well, since you asked, I think tattoos are tacky. That's how I was raised, I guess. But I know that perfectly lovely people have them (including my best friend--though frankly I think they detract from her beauty) and that adults have a right to choose them.
Reply