Using family planning to NOT conceive

I really don't think she has a right to ask her boyfriend to have a vas. What if they should break up and later on decids to get married and his wife wants children. Having a reversal is a posibility but it doesn't always work.

If she doesn't ever want children why can't SHE be the one to have a tubal?

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also wanted to say the only sure fire way to not get pregnant....is to not have sex.

If she is having sex there is ALWAYS the risk for pregnancy. If she chooses to have sex then she also acknowledges the fact the she may become pregnant.

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I highly recommend Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. She clearly outlines the Fertility Awareness Method of family planning (and *not* planning) and it is much more involved than tracking ovulation by kits. I learned so much about myself in general after I read her book. Here's her website: http://www.tcoyf.com/ .

Another method I have heard from friends that was sucessful for them was using a saliva ferning slide.

Good Luck!

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I think it's admirable that she's having this conversation with him before he makes a commitment. I also think that he needs to think long and hard 9no pun intended) about it before he decides.

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Why hasn't she tried sponges or a diaphragm? Much higher success rate than condoms, no hormones. Or if she's really sure, go ahead and get a tubal, and never worry about it again.

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I'm assuming that they've discussed the possiblility of pregnancy and he doesn't want children either, but if that's wrong then please disregard everything below this point.

A vasectomy is day surgery. Heck it's 2 hrs in the doctors office and back to work if you're the tough it out type of person. It has a much lower incidence of complications and no general anesthetic. It can also be tested easily to verify success.

I had a tubal 13 years ago, and just a few months ago had to have one tube redone after an xray for an unrelated situation revealed that one of the clips had gone wandering and was no longer holding my left tube closed as it was intended to do. The surgery is day surgery, but it's 6 hours in the hospital between preop and recovery, completely under and between 7 and 10 days recovery. And that's with laproscopic surgery. If they for any reason need a larger incision it's longer.

Although both are permanent birth control methods, there is no real comparison to the level of impact of having them done. If both partners are in agreement about not wanting children there really should be little question about the safest option for ensuring that.

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Jennifer: Laparoscopic tubal ligation. Look it up. LT is the way it is commonly performed today. Absolutely UNinvasive.

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There is also something called the vasclip-which is essentially a clip that cuts off the vas deferens, but is reversible, should he ever want to "go back". However, in this day an age, there are plenty of birth control methods out there-they should be able to find something they both agree on.

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I used natural planning until I got pregnant with my son at 33. It does work, but it is a lot of work. When you get to know your body, it is very reliable. I knew exactly when I got pregnant. :)

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Your friend should be very careful about talking to her gynecologist about this. S/he likely knows next to nothing about the science of natural family planning. S/he will pretend to know much, but if s/he tells her that it's not very effective, she shouldn't listen to another word about it from her/him.

Both of you would be interested in this article for a start and will probably dig deeper to learn more. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6375261.stm

Modern NFP is *not* your mother's rhythm method (which, incidentally, is still about as effective as condoms). It is a science that is very easy for women to learn. It works with ALL kinds of cycles. It works in peri-menopause. It works during breastfeeding. It's pretty much free, though often there is a charge for instruction.

Every teenage girl should read decent information on fertility. Weschler's book is a good secular book, though I do think using condoms during the fertile period is silly. Condoms are only recorded to have failed when used during the fertile period. They actually 'fail' more often than that, but there's no proof/pregnancy. That joke about the rhythm method is more appropriate for people who use condoms (if they are of normal fertility).

There are several methods of NFP available. There are differences, but they're basically the same.

There is an Natural Family Planning board on http://www.delphiforums.com It has a ton of members. Most are Catholic, many are Protestant and a reasonable number are not religious at all. There are teachers of several of the different methods. It's probably the most active, accurate and informative forum on NFP that you'll find on the internet.

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Well, if they're both absolutely sure they both want no kids, vasectomy is probably the easiest way to go. Not sure how old she is, but I have had doctors all but laugh at me when I asked for a tubal or Essure. It took me 14 tries to find a doctor who would even say something besides "oh, but of course you'll want more kids and this is permanent!". On the other hand, my husband brought sterilization up at his last physical and the doctor told him just her know when he wanted one.

I have a friend who uses NFP. It worked great for her until her mom was dying. She was under a lot of stress, eating and sleeping at odd hours, and grieving for a couple of months. She now has a kid who was conceived around that time, and she's not sure if she got her days off, or if her body was off, making a safe day not so safe. But aside from that, she's used it for 12 or 13 years with no problems. IIRC, my friend learned about NFP at a Catholic church thing for brides to be.

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I second using the Toni Weschler book. After years on the pill I was just tired of not knowing what exactly it was doing to my body- besides preventing pregnancy. We used FAM (fertility awareness method) for almost 2 years and then got pregnant our first month of "not not trying." It does have a learning curve, but once you get into it it's not big deal- almost the same amount of time went into remembering to take the pill and filling prescriptions.

The other big thing for me was that I had no panicky, "oh no I forgot to take my pill- am I pregnant?" and then having to wait until my prescribed week of period to see if it actually came. I always knew whether or not I was at risk- at least after a few months of practicing FAM. In all my years of using various methods of birth control this was the only method where I actually felt in control.

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Hi, all. I failed to mention that my pal's boyfriend does not want children either (at least right now he says he does not).

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Your friend is using "Natural Family Planning" or "Fertility Awareness Method" - not "family planning" which really means any form of birth control. NFP can be very effective if it is followed carefully. I'm wondering, though, why your friend is using ovulation kits - they would be a complete waste of money in her situation since all they show is a hormone surge that occurs before ovulation - by then it would be too late, if she had sex the day before, the sperm can live several days until her ovulation. The OP kits also don't tell you if you actually ovulated, but a sustained rise in temperature will. So I hope she has read the book and is actually following it, not just piecing together what she may have heard.

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You have to be careful to NOT get caught up in the "moment" using FAM :)

Something not easily done all the time

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Your friend's boyfriend is being very selfish expecting her to take the burden of constant birth control when a simple clip/snip surgery would take care of it. If I were in her position I would simply refuse sex, as that is the simplest alternative way of avoiding pregnancy. If he truly doesn't want kids, he should step up to the plate and take the damn responsibility.

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There has been some recent research on this topic, which unfortunately I can't seem to find. It shows that in a controlled study, NFP has the same failure rate as birth control pills when used consistently. I used it successfully for over three years until we conceived our daughter and now we are using it again. It really isn't that hard, it only takes a couple of minutes a day. The main drawback is if you take any chances you are by definition taking them during your fertile period and therefore are much more likely to get pregnant than with other methods.

People like to mock this method, referring to it as "rhythm" and making jokes but that's just because they don't understand how it works. The rhythm method specifically refers to a calendar based method of birth control and relies on averages and guesswork to determine fertile times and we've all had unpredictable cycles at one time or another. The Sympto-thermal NFP method involves actually tracking the easily observable signs that your body displays when you are getting ready to ovulate and when you have finished ovulating. So even if you have a wacky cycle once in a while, you'll know what's going on. One time while using this method I had a seriously delayed ovulation from illness and stress, my cycle that time ended up being 76 days long, but because I knew what was going on and I knew that I hadn't yet ovulated I didn't have to worry.

I would actually discourage your friend from using the ovulation kits. They are expensive and wasteful, and frankly unnecessary. Plus, as someone already pointed out they are really designed for those trying to conceive and would probably not give enough information far enough in advance to prevent conception.

I like feeling like I know what is going on with my body, for one thing my period never takes me by surprise anymore, and I like working with my body instead of fighting it all the time.

Chris

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Anji - You believe the boyfriend is wrong for shouldering the BC burden on his girlfriend. And your solution is "a simple clip/snip." Ok, fine. But does that not make HIM shoulder the BC buden on his own? Isn't that what you are opposed to? Aren't you arguing that BC should be a tandem effort?

Really, Anji, you are just a bit much. What you said makes absolutely no logical sense, and there is no way you can rationalize it so that it does make sense. I hope that you will see the error in your thinking - again, the error is in the logic only.

Put simply: You claim that BC is a burden to be shared by both parties. But the solution you suggested is wholly contrary to that claim.

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I second (or third?) the advice about the Toni Weschler book! It even comes with a CD-ROM for charting on the computer, which is extremely easy! I just started it 3 cycles ago, and I already understand everything I need to know to *not* get pregnant! Also, it's great to be able to show your significant other the chart and involve them in knowing when is a "good" time (depending on if you are trying to get pregnant or not) and when is not a good time for intercourse.

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Why doesn't she look into the Depo-Provera shot until they are sure they don't want kids? I was on it for a few years, it has it's pros with no period and scheduled appointments to have it administered. The only thing I didn't like was I gained a little weight from it, otherwise I didn't notice hormonal swings or cramping as bad during the times my period was supposed to be.

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