Recovering from a difficult birth experience

In my experience giving birth was pretty awful in just about every way imaginable. I think the women being told it's almost certainly going to be a lovely experience with unicorns and rainbows are being sold a bill of goods. Even under the best circumstances it's painful, messy, and distressing. If anything goes wrong it's downright horrible.

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It makes me so angry when a woman who feels violated and hurt is told by others "too bad, get over it." YOU don't know what she felt, YOU weren't the one on the table feeling the knife slicing into your belly and screaming at the doctor to stop, helpless and afraid you and your baby are going to die--not because of what's gone wrong at the birth, but because the people who have your life in their hands don't seem to give a d**n.

I have felt that; my son's c/sec was like that. And in the aftermath of that and other abusive treatment by the hospital, I plunged into a severe PPD that stole much of the joy of my son's birth for his first year. I don't object to doctors saving lives when they need to, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't respect the mother/child bond and the importance of birth in the mother's life. That doesn't mean the NICU nurses shouldn't know how important mother/child contact is and facilitate it whenver possible (overstimulating my ass). Each child is born only once; if I had 12 perfect homebirths, it would not erase the callousness and neglect and abuse I suffered in the hospital at the first birth. And my story and this woman's story are not at all unique.

I would urge anyone who's had a c/section or otherwise tough birth to go to the ICAN-online.org site and sign up for their message forums. There are so so many women with similar stories who can share their wisdom and compassion with you. They were my support group, and kept me sane. And if you want to have another birth and VBAC, they are the best possible resource you could have.

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I too suffered from a traumatic birth at the age of 17. Now this was 16 years ago. I was 2wks late. My doctor never discussed with me a date that we would induce if I hadn't gone into labor on my own. He called at 8am on Mon. morn and told me to get to the hospital because my room was ready. They started the drip at 9am. I didn't even see my doctor until after 9pm that night when my father searched the hospital and quite literally dragged the man in by his collar bc I was in so much pain. My contractions wouldn't regulate and I wasn't dilating. It turned out that the baby wasn't breech, but sideways and every contraction was causing us both incredible pain. Earlier that day when I had said something to my anesthesiologist about the pain, she patted me on the shoulder and said "That's why they call it labor honey." You see, these professionals assumed I was just a whiny kid. You have to realize that at this time you were allowed nothing in your mouth but ice after they started the drip. I had not eaten since 7pm Sun night. I had been shaved without asking and given an enema. When the doctor finally showed and turned the baby and broke my water, I had had no caloric intake for over 24hrs. The drip was turned up and still the contractions weren't regulating. I was told to start pushing on the contractions to try and force open my cervix. So I stayed awake until 3am pushing every hr or so. They finally turned off the drip for 3hrs so I could rest. At 6 they woke me turned on the drip wide open and finally hard labor started. I got an epidural but they put so much of those drugs in me it took 4 people to put me on the gurney to go to the delivery room (labor and dlivery were different rms then). I could no longer feel the contractions from a combination of drugs and total exhaustion. Still, hard labor lasted until 11am when my daughter was finally brought into this world vaginally after a 3rd degree episiotomy. I pretty much looked at her once and passed out. My uterus wouldn't contract and I just about bled out while unconcious. I spent 5days in the hospital. My daughter who I gave up for adoption went home 3days earlier. Luckily, the delivery hadn't had any lasting effect on her health. This is the only thing I thank God for.
Four years ago, when I went to my first OB visit with the doc that was going to deliver my 2nd daughter, I was terrified. I actually broke down in tears recounting this story to him. He was so kind and understanding and went over all the many ways things had changed in childbirth as well as helped me research and develop a realistic and personal birth plan that would eliminate most of what he referred to as "the errors" that had occurred before.
For those of you who enjoy judging other's actions in hindsight, feel free to "rip" me or my health care professionals as you will since I have been able to face, forgive and let go of the trauma of that day with the help of my OB. For this coulple, my only advice is to look for someone, anyone to help you talk about your feelings. Give yourselves some time to heal in all possible ways. And remember that one bad apple doesn't really spoil the whole bunch.

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I've read the account, and frankly (from the standpoint of a mother who had babies residing in NICUs for over 6 months) it just doesn't sound too terrible to me. Yes, from the account, it does seem in my opinion like they're over-reacting. They had a brusque NICU nurse or two, and some contradicting information given them over a time span of a couple of days. It happens.

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Mr. Estlund - The International Cesaran Awareness Network is a great resource for women who have been through a truamatic cesarean birth. There is a very active online community. And nobody will tell her "Well, you should be thankful you have a healthy baby." I don't know any mother or father who isn't grateful to have a healthy baby...it's doesn't erase the trauma of the birth though. Congratulations on parenthood.

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I am so glad I had a Csection. Of course everyone should aim for vaginal birth, but complications happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, giving birth is a natural thing that women have done without medical help forever, but don't forget that's why so many women and their babies died. My first was born after 3 terrible days of pushing. The OB was bound and determined to deliever her vaginally for he had just been asked why he had a high rate of Csections. Well, I had my 10 lb baby and talk about a traumatic birth and delivery. My second was delivered 6 weeks early due to his already 9lb size and the damage caused by the first delivery. Believe it or not, you can be extremely damaged by a vaginal delivery. I was completely incontinent for three years and had to have several surgeries. I was told I could never have another vaginal delivery, and after the two births from hell, I was fine with that. My third child was 9lbs 11oz born three weeks early Csection, and love it, yeah I felt the tugging and some pain but NOTHING like the extreme pain from vaginal birth. I recovered WAY quicker from the Csection, and had an easier and more enjoyable experience bonding and nursing with my third, for I wasn't exhausted and in complete pain. Some people and some babies have no problem with vaginal births, if you or your baby aren't one of those lucky ones, be happy we are having babies now when we have the technology to deliver by Csection safely. Thats whats important, SAFETY...I mean who wants a perfect experience and a damaged baby or mom, better to have the damaged experience and a perfect baby and mom, right?

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ok. first of all not all of us (myself included) can have kids like they did way back when - for some reason, we are different.
I had an emergency c-section after 21.5 hours of labor and so many drugs thru the IV that I was clueless. the doctors look at it like this - either let one or the other or both die - or save them by any means possible. ok, yes it is painful and it is traumatic, but by no means does it make you any less of a woman. from what I have heard - it is less stressful on the baby (when the c-section is planned) than natural birth.
If I were to have any more kids - I have had 3 over 19 years - hands down this is the best way to go. I HATE PAIN anyway.

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