What advice would you give a new parent?

Relax. Trust your instincts. Because at the end of the day, all the experts in the world don't know you or your child, and you do. And we all make little mistakes - that's how we learn, what makes us individuals. If you're in doubt - go to a REAL expert - mom, dad, grandparents, an older sibling who's "been there" or a trusted friend, because they're going to tell you the truth, not what's going to sell books.

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To me, the most important thing is to tell your child that you love him or her, every single day, and especially after disciplining him/her.

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Absolutely right, LS. My kids haven't read all those baby care and parenting books! Instinct has served me well (along a little bit of Dr Spock!).

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That whatever problem or issue you are worrying about now will get better and will get easier. I can't promise when it will happen, but it will happen. I remember when the nurses in the hospital told me that babies sometimes nurse every 2 hours. I had no idea that this period only lasted a few weeks, at most. I thought, you breastfeed for a year, so they must mean I will be nursing around the clock every two hours for a year! I was so overwhelmed at the thought, I wish someone had told me that the really hard newborn stage doesn't last long and that no matter what, it will get easier.

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I agree with LS 100% - although sometimes the advice of even family can be outdated. But bottom line, be the mom - I've commented about that before, how incompetent a new mother can feel, how all the books can be more confusing than helpful. The best advice I EVER got came from my husband when I was having a particularly rough time readjusting my daughter to sleeping in her crib after a vacation where she'd slept with us. It was 4:00 in the morning, she'd been crying all night and I was losing MY MIND, getting angry and crying myself while trying steadfastly to follow one of those damn sleep books. And my husband grabbed me by the shoulders, looked me in the eye and said "YOU are our child's mother. Not the guy who wrote that book or some other book; screw all these people. YOU know her, you know US, do what is best for US and OUR FAMILY."

I remember those words every day - if that man doesn't deserve a fabulous Father's Day I don't know who does.

Read the books if you must, but do not neglect or deemphasize your own instincts, your own way of doing things, and do not let anyone belittle you as a new mom - especially not any doctors.

And I agree with Sandy - treasure the time. Remember all those grownups who would squeeze your cheeks and say you were growing up so fast (much to your annoyance)? They were right. Take pictures, and most of all slow down and enjoy your child - those are the memories they and you will carry for a long time.

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Susan, you've gone and made me cry. That image of looking through all those tiny clothes... With the birth of my second (and last) child imminent, I spent the day with my sister going through our communal supply of baby clothes getting out all the newborn neutral sleepers in anticipation of welcoming and clothing my new little person. When we got to the tiny purple and white sleeper that was bought for my son's "home coming" outfit, which was then used for each of his four cousins born over the next 4 years, I broke down and wept. Pregnancy hormones! This child has't yet been born and I'm already mourning the loss of all those little moments of infancy.

My advice to new moms: Love is the most important thing you will ever give your child. So, when they are crying and it's breaking your heart, pick them up, let them sleep in your arms if you want, baby them as long as you can and go to them with love when they call, because they'll feel that love and grow up secure and strong. You will never ever reach a point in your life when you think back and say to yourself: I should have loved on them less, I should have cuddled them less, I should have held them less. The day they turn to you and say, "whatever, mom" it'll be too late to go back.

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Oh lord! There comes those muddling pregnancy hormones AGAIN! Sandy, not Susan. Sandy.

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mamaloo - now YOU made ME cry. And I'm not pregnant. My standard advice to new moms, (if they ask) is...keep a bedtime routine. It doesn't have to be fancy or elaborate. I used bathe my babies before bed then read a story and then I'd kiss them goodnight. Then they'd go to sleep on their own...no rocking them to sleep. Sometimes, when they would have trouble falling asleep, they'd cry for me. AND I WENT TO THEM! I cannot leave a baby crying. I'm not talking about rushing in at the first whimper, but going in when they cry to reassure them I am there and listening for them.

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Treasure every moment. That's the best advice I can give. Live in the moment and treasure every little cry, every smile, every minute of every day. I lost my daughter in a car accident when she was just 2 days away from 10 months old. Make lots of memories and treasure every one of them. Time really does pass so quickly...and you won't ever want to forget even one second spent with your child.

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Zoe - I am sad to hear about your loss. (((((((((Zoe))))))))

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I can't remember who told me this, but it's helped me a lot in our first year:
"The days may seem long, but the years are short."

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I am a woman 70 yr's old I breast fed all eight of my children until 7 or 8 month's, But I truly believe it should be a choice to breast feed and not And not pushed into it, I also (do not) believe in breast feeding in public, I believe it to be a very very private time between Mother and Child Thank You, Elli

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My children are 18 and 22 now, but way back when, when I was first pregnant - I decided to 1.) have a home birth - which I did, and 2.)breastfeed my children exclusively for as long as we both wanted to. I was able to stay at home with both kids, which of course helped considerably. Because I had midwife (and doctor) assisted home births, there was no interference by a hospital or hospital staff with my breastfeeding, and no bottles stuck in the babies mouths while I was sleeping off some drug that they had given me to help with the birth process. I am an asthmatic, but was only taking albuterol, and both my pre-natal doctor and the midwife said that it would still be o.k. for me to nurse while taking albuterol.

I did not start the babies on solid food until they had their first tooth - which is a developmental sign that their digestion is ready for solid food. Both children nursed on demand (i.e. they determined their nursing schedule) with no solid food for about the first five months, when they both grew their first tooth. Both were determined to be slightly jaudiced at birth, but I just nursed them in sunlight inside our house, and the more they nursed the less jaundiced they became. They were born at 9 lbs and 10 1/2 lbs, which may have had something to do with the jaundice.

I also found a wonderful group of homebirth doctors and pediatricians in the Chicago area called HomeFirst, who understood the importance of nursing, and the connection between mother and child. They were very knowledgeable and very unabtrusive.

Both children led their own weaning, and at one time I was nursing both of them, first the youngest, then the eldest. They both finally weaned themselves at age four. Of course, by that time, they were only nursing to go to sleep.

We also practiced the family bed, where the whole family slept in one BIG bed, once there were four of us, we pushed a single bed next to the king sized bed. Any parental hanky panky was taken to a separate room with bed on other side of the house.

Now, they are both either in college or college bound. They are honor students, my son is a black belt in Aikido, my daughter a budding actress. They have no separation anxiety at all. My daughter has spent two years abroad studying theater, my son has traveled alone extensively with friends. Even though their father had to have braces (small jaw, double row of teeth), both children have very healthy jaws with plenty of room for their teeth. This is a benefit of nursing.

So, my advice to couples planning on having children? Decide what kind of birth you want, and if you want to nurse or not, then find health professionals who truly believe in the kind of birth and parenting that you want, and who will support you during pregnancy, birth and childraising.

And, for all asthmatics who are taking albuterol, I took it through two pregnancies and eight years of nursing, and neither child had any sort of problem from it. Also, neither child has asthma. With the new drugs without cfcs, however, I recommend you get the new ventolin without ethanol in it, which can be obtained on the internet. Proventil and Proair have ethanol in them, and gave me a yeast infection in my lungs, as well as giving me increased asthma for a week, so I recommend not
taking those for any reason.

Good luck to all of you! Having my kids was the greatest thing that ever happened to me (besides meeting my husband!).

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