I think I'm with Lindsay, though I haven't read her post.

Our society values 'hard'. You have to be strong to do hard stuff. We don't want anyone to think that we're weak or lazy. So we say that SAHMotherhood is hard. Well, being in the Army was hard. Putting yourself last is hard. I don't know too many lives/lifestyles that *aren't* hard in some way or other.

Sometimes, being a SAHM is the easiest thing I can think of doing. Maybe because I see the benefits so clearly. I do know that my husband and I discussed the possiblity of his staying home with the kids while I stayed in the Army. We decided that he was way better at the Army than I was and that we were both too old-fashioned to do that role switch. Phew!!! We're both really glad that things worked out this way.

SAHMotherhood has it's hard parts. I would guess that the hardest part about it is for 'formerly successful, hard-charging' type women who didn't really want to "give up their lives for some kids and a man". They used to pshaw motherhood and had little respect for it. Now, they feel the disdain from others (like their former selves) and they want others to know that motherhood is *not* all bon-bons and Oprah. I never held SAHMotherhood in disdain, so I'm sure that many people's lack of respect for my lifestyle has gone right over my head many many times.

What's hard about motherhood is the giving of self. If you can get over that, the rest of it becomes a type of joy (crazy joy, what with all that laundry and stuff!).

I guess motherhood is hard, but not too hard to handle/make it worthwhile. Maybe it's hard but it doesn't suck?

Maybe it's 'not hard' because just about anybody can do it. Some of us do it well, some of us do it not so well. Pretty much anyone who wants to do a decent job of it can, though. (barring depression, etc.)

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I am struggling with the idea of becoming a SAHM because my income does not (not even a tiny bit) contribute to the household in any way.
I think being a SAHM will be hard mentally and emotionally because I'm such a hard worker, I have never not worked and just depended on someone else. I have a 2yo and an 8mo old and I work full time and my husband usually works longer hours than me so I have plenty of nights where I'm like a single mom. I think that is damn hard in itself!

I think it is hard to give up your autonomy, your identity as a woman who is intelligent and hard working. I certainly don't think SAHM's are unintelligent bon bon swilling ladies of leisure, but I know people who do look down their noses at them and I'm a little afraid of being looked down upon.

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I'm currently a SAHM and I like it (most days), I love getting up with the kids in the morning and having time to cuddle. However, some days I wish I could go to work, just to get away for a bit. I think it is ashame that people look down their noses at those who choose to stay home. On the flip side I think its sad that some SAHMs look down on those who choose to work. In the end it should be what works the best for everyone involved. I think each side has its "hard" parts but then again no one said life was easy..they just promised it would be worth it!

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I guess it depends on your definition of hard. It's
frustrating. Communicating with children who are only just learning to speak, getting a reluctant child to do whatever they are reluctant about
doing, cleaning up toys and other messes over and over again, not to mention the never ending dishes and laundry that you have to figure out how to fit in between all that. (Not that working parents don't
deal with these same issues, but SAHP do it 24/7 which FEELS like a lot more even if it really isn't.) There's the lack of adult conversation for most of the day, and the kids music that seems to
follow you everywhere.

On the other hand, you can wear you pajamas all
day if you want to, you can put off washing the dishes to cuddle with your child for a few minutes, you get to be there for all the "firsts", you can make sure you children learn YOUR morals and
ethics, and you get all the spontaneous hugs and kisses your child decides to bestow. This is what I concider my "pay".

I think the hardest part of being a SAHP, for me,
is that it is a 24/7 job. I don't get days off, I don't get to sleep in (at least not until the boy is a teen ager), any and all night time problems are mine to deal with, and the day after with little sleep isn't fun. It's also an awesome responsibility, everything I do is watched by these little eyes, he is learning how to be an adult by watching ME, so I have to be careful all the time to do my best.

I know that single parenting is even harder, because you have to do all the work at home and work to support your family as well, and do it
alone. I did that for about 3 years when the older two were still too young to go to school. And working out of the home is hard too. Because you have most of the same hard things to do, and less of the fun/rewarding things.

I guess being a GOOD PARENT is hard whether you stay home or go to work.

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Wow, I so agree and I can't wait to go read the blog! I can't stand it when Dr. Phil or Oprah goes on about a stay at home mom having "the hardest job in the world". Come on, get real! Digging in the coal mines, performing emergency surgery, fighting in Iraq . . . or me, sitting here on a beautiful summer day deciding whether to walk over to the pool or go see "Shrek the Third." :) When I worked as an attorney, I was basically tethered to a desk for 10+ hours a day. I loved the freedom I had when I became a SAHM - way "easier" to me, if you have to make that comparison.

That is not to say it can be hard to be a SAHM. The early newborn weeks are hard. Toddler tantrums are hard. But all of this is so worth it. No other "job" has the rewards that SAHM has. And I also firmly believe it is one of the most important and most valuable "jobs" there is - just because it is not always "hard" doesn't negate its value.

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It's hard in the fact that there are no breaks. You have to constantly be ON...ya know what I mean? But for the most part it's a lot easier than going to work all day.

Take today for instance. We are going to the pool for a couple of hours. We go probably twice a week. I go to the park, go on walks and just sit outside while they play. (I do other cleaning and laundary but I would have to do that even if I wasn't a SAHM.) Now these are not all things I would enjoy doing everyday (I would rather be sitting on the couch eating cookie dough right now) but it sure beats digging ditches or roofing a house.

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NO job is THAT hard. In every family, one parent must stay home. The SAH parent actually has it EASIER. Yes, there are more tasks to be accomplished, but nobody's gonna fire you if the laundry didn't get folded.

Moms today - SAH and WOH - are overall a whiny, fragile group. They can't even look nice for their husbands at the end of the day. All they do is blog and comment and commiserate about their painstaking lives. I've got news for you all: Parenting has existed for probably millions of years, and thousands at the least. We inarguably have it easier today than EVER before, yet women are kvetching more than EVER before. "The Paradox of Choice" provides an interesing explanation. The book doesn't speak specifically of parenting, but it offers the idea that choice = unhappiness. Mothers currently have TOO MANY choices, so they are always gazing longinly at the greener grass.

True Mom Confessions is the absolute epitome of what is wrong with "mothers." I wish someone with insane amounts of money would offer the site owners millions for the domain name, just so that malignancy would end!

Memo to moms: Quit acting and looking harried. You're not. You feed your kids Chef Boyardee. It ain't hard to open a can.

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It is hard - but so are a lot of things. What's different is that the Internet allows us all to share how hard it is. So rather than just complaining or commisserating w/a neighor or friend, we're pouring our frustrations and exhaustions and tribulations and feelings all over the internet. Not a bad thing - but a perspective thing. (FWIW - I was a SAHM for 9 l-o-n-g months and for me working outside the home is my sanity - harder but easier too... for ME)

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Wow, PartnParcel can shove it.

What kills me about staying at home is that I got it in my head that part of my role was to help support myself financially, and ti use my freaking brain. I have two babies, one 11 months the other 2.5 years - and while they're great and I love them so much, I have a freaking masters in science and I'm not using it. I am over qualified for the position that I am in, and dying for my brain to be used instead of my patience. I'd like to have a 401K and money going to SS in the unlikely event that I get divorced or my husband dies prematurely.

It is stressful for me to think that it would not take very much for me to be floundering without any means of righting myself. I'm not working on my career, and I don't trust daycare workers either. It's an untenable position that women are in, we are not valued for the work we do, we are not paid well for when we have a paying job (what is it, $0.75 for a man's dollar?), we are put down for staying at home, we are put down for going to work. Many of us have a strong work ethic and found value at being at work with peers to talk to, but can't afford to work anyway since daycare, good daycare, would take pretty much all our salary and there is the extra work of getting the kids to and from. I do think staying at home is psychically harder then working, and sometimes that is what makes the difference.

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I think it is not hard most days, but considering it is a job with no days off or really breaktime, it can be exhausting. It seems a stay at home mother is sometimes assumes to have time to herself, or time to lounge, in reality someone always needs SOMETHING from us...my husband thinks because he works all day he can "have a night out" to wind down. Um, where's my me time? He I believe thinks that my day with the kids is "me" time. I don't clock out and I don't get vacation. I am ususlly the bad cop and not the "fun" parent. But...I would not label it as "that hard". Exhausting- and rewarding- but not impossible. And, it's a job that has rich reward- we are the kissers of boo-boos, we tuck them in, we see there faces after school and make sure their dance bag is packed so they are not without their ballet shoes. (have you SEEN a dad get a girl ready for dance? God Bless Them.) We are the ones that wear old clothes so the 'tween can have the newest thing. We eat cold dinners most nights. In short, we are mothers. And while it's not "that hard" I would not label it as easy in any way. And I would not trade it!

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I was home with my toddler last summer, and I thought it was fantastic. There were hard parts, but it wasn't THAT HARD. Of course, I knew work was coming, so maybe that changed my perspective. But it was much easier than working--not because work is hard (it's pretty easy, too) but because not commuting and hanging out with my son (where the biggest stress was figuring out what to do on rainy days) was so good.

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I am lucky to be able to be a SAHM. Is it the "hardest" job I have ever had? Nope. It has long hours. But hey I have worked incredibly long days most of my life. Most days it is very enjoyable. We have a playgroup we hang with when the weather is nice. My house is usually pretty clean. My daughter helps with just about everything. We have a schedule that we stick to pretty well.

The hardest part is the "being home" part. During the winter I dont get to physically speak with another adult. unless I go to the grocery store that is. My husband works long hours. He gets home and tells me about his day and I have nothing new most days to tell him. Most of our conversations are about our daughter. If I was working outside the home I could maybe talk about workplace stuff like he does. I try to keep up on local and national news. Mostly to keep my brain agile. I try to read SOMETHING not kid related every week. But finding the time in my day isnt always easy. My daughter hasnt napped since she was 2! Actually she was really never a napper anyway. So I am more than used to that now.

Right now I am thinking of next summer. It will be the last summer that our daughter has before it becomes summer "vacation" She will be going to KG next fall. I am planning on taking a month or two "off" By off I mean putting the kiddo on the bus and NOT having to be mom from 8 to 3. Doing things on a WEEK DAY that I havent been able to do without having small child attached to my hip. Stuff like going to Target and not being directed to the Little Pony display. Actually being able to try on clothes without feeling rushed. (Which I still have to do for my sisters upcoming wedding) Oh and actually having time to RIDE my horse. Not just go, muck, groom and turn out. Actually work him and ride him more than one day a week! Oh the plans I have!!! I am just glad I am SAHM to only ONE kid. If I had to wait another few years..... I would be on prozac by now

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I'm a military spouse, that said, there are tons of SAHP and WAHP who are military spouses. For those of us in situations where one spouse has to leave for extended periods of time (military, traveling for work, etc) it can get pretty hard to stay at home with your kids. You've basically never got a second to yourself, let alone a full adult conversation. You're worried about your spouse constantly, and trying to hide that from your children. You've got to shoulder Every Single Chore yourself. It's infinitely different than single parenthood, and not even comparable, the two both have their bad and good points. In our case we have a 2.5 year old and an 11 month old who has special needs, so it can get pretty tough around here.

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I gave up my outside-the-house career to stay home with my daughter. Is it hard? Yes. As many have pointed out, there is no "off-duty" time - I'm on call 24/7 for my child and still need to accomplish things around the house: bills, cleaning, cooking (and I do COOK our food as opposed to opening a can). In addition, I do work from home on a new career, so that needs to be fit in as well.

I think the reason why mothers have begun complaining - or I prefer to say venting their feelings instead of suffering in silence - is that for so long, the job has gone unappreciated. There has been this pervasive notion that being at home is easy. You pack the kids off to school, put on a cute caftan and curl up with a book and a martini. Sometime in the afternoon you whip together a meal, greet hubby at the door looking fabulous, and all is well. Many people who are not stay-at-home-parents have a rather unrealistic view of just what it is we DO all day. And the kicker is - not only is it misunderstood, but at the end of the day you don't have a paycheck to show for it. Yes, being with your kids is valuable and priceless and all that. But this society puts on a value on paid work - and moms are not paid. Those of us who worked give UP a paycheck in order to take on something that at the end of the day is far more important, time-consuming, and exhausting. Why is me being home with my child worth nothing when me selling ads in a damn magazine - not exactly brain surgery or saving the world - was worth six figures?

I'm not complaining. I love being home with my daughter and yes it has perks - as did my 9-to-5. But I just wish people would divest themselves of this notion that I love it because it is easy sit-on-my-ass-and-watch-soap-operas work. I love it because it involves the care and raising of the most important person in the world to me. But women who are choosing to let the world know that it's not all cake and ice cream are within their right to do so - I don't see anything wrong with venting about an unpaid 24/7 job when it's okay to vent about a paid 9-to-5.

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I recently did a post on my site about the misconceptions people have about SAHMs: http://www.homewiththekids.com/blog/2007/06/15/stay-at-home-moms-arent-rich-or-lazy/

I think the worst is just how physically exhausting being a stay at home mom is. You only get a break if your husband understands that you need one and you get out of the house. My husband tries to be understanding, but unless I go someplace else, the kids will ask me for everything just out of habit, and my 2 year old gets upset when we insist that he let Daddy help him. That's improving with persistence, but it's still an issue.

Hard is relative. There's physcially hard, mentally hard, emotionally hard and so forth. Staying at home means it's more challenging to get intellectual stimulation, harder to have time with other adults, and if they kids are young enough to want to be carried, it can be physically hard too. There are plenty of jobs that are harder in any of those categories. But that doesn't mean stay at home moms need to shut up about it.

And many people forget how many stay at home moms add a home business or work at home job to the mix. They just don't take that any more seriously than the moms who focus purely on caring for their family and home.

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... "
Memo to moms: Quit acting and looking harried."

Who says we're acting? People seem like the generally understand that working moms have bad days. Everyone has bad weeks, but stay at home moms can't say that without being accused of being an ungrateful selfish lazy bitch. We have no paycheck, and seems like everyone is quick to remind us we have negative worth because we require food and shelter. And negative worth means you don't get to vent about your bad days.

Everyone needs to vent, and it seems like forums and blogs are the only places where you might find someone willing to listen, sad as that is. I think a lot of the "poor me" vibe is precisely because there are so few places to vent. You bottle it up inside, and it rots, and this poison/resentment comes spewing out once you release the pressure keeping it in place.

But the funny thing is, once you get that out of your system, the "poor me" vibe starts to fade. It's easier to take things in stride. You can have a bad day and let it go a lot easier when you have someone who will just listen.

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For some mothers it's probably difficult, but not the way I do it ;)

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I was a live-in nanny when I was in my twenties, and I can honestly say it was the hardest job (emotionally, physically, mentally) I've ever had. I got weekends off, two weeks of vacation, and one night a week off...and I was being paid! I couldn't understand how mothers could do this 24/7/365 for free!

Now I'm older (duh) and have more perspective. I think every job has its easy and hard parts. There are plenty of days I'd give my right arm to trade my boss for a tantruming toddler...but there are also plenty of days when I can come home from work, pop some popcorn for dinner, put my feet up, and spend the entire evening on the couch cuddling with my husband, or an entire weekend traveling "spur of the moment" -- something a SAHM can't do.

We really, really, really want a child. When that day comes, I hope to be a SAHM. I'm sure I will have horrible, miserable, hard days, and amazing, wonderful days.

My sister-in-law is a SAHM (with a once-a-week maid, a lovely house, everything she's ever asked for) and yet she often finds it incredible hard. Why? Because my brother travels, and she's intensely lonely. As she puts it, she "didn't sign on to be a single parent." But...she's not willing for him to get a non-traveling job, as it would mean a severe cut in their standard of living. So, where I sympathize with her loneliness, there is a part of me that wants to roll my eyes and tell her to get over it. I'm not sure she can, though...we're all different, and where I revel in time to myself, she's miserable.

And PartnParcel, what's up with the "they can't even look nice for their husbands at the end of the day?" A SAHM's been battling baby barf and diarrhea all day, and you expect her to put the baby down, curl her hair and put on a freshly pressed apron to meet her husband at the door with a martini? Get real! What men do you know stop to change their shirts and shave the stubble from their faces before coming home to the family, where they get to sit in a recliner while the "little woman" runs around corraling kids and trying to get dinner on the table? Sheesh!

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I've been a work outside the home, work at home, and SAHM. I'm also a single parent and have raised my kids by myself since birth. I'm currently a SAHM that works part time in the home. I didn't comment at Lindsey's site, although I read her post. I figured it would cause a furor enough without my comments.

SAHM is the easiest of all the jobs I've ever had. It doesn't even begin to hold a candle to my real job I did for 25 years, where I worked ridiculous hours under horrible pressure and deadlines that were almost impossible to meet. I cannot figure out what so many women complain about. I think the main reason that SAHMs complain so much is that they do not know how to discipline their children, so they end up freaking out because their kids won't listen to them. Well, duh. Get your kids to behave and life becomes a lot easier.

I also think that the moms now, youngish and spoiled, have expectations of how life should be, and they want it right now. They don't get that you have to compromise. You have to work for your rise up the ladder of success. The expectations aren't really all their fault. They've been handed everything on a silver platter by their parents, which was a big mistake. If kids don't learn the value of earning, they grow up to be adults who are consistantly disappointed in life. Which is what I hear most often by SAHMs.

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I think a lot of it depends on the ages of the kids. When mine were little and were still taking naps, not fighting with each other, not making as many kid messes it wasn't as hard because nap time gave me much needed breaks. But when they outgrow the naps and start fighting with each other it's a whole other ball game. There are no breaks -- you are literally with the kids for 24 hours a day. That can get wearing. I know many women who don't have to work but they choose to because they know they couldn't handle being at home with the kids all day every day.

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