"Being a SAHM isn't THAT hard"

SAHM of 4 sons, 3 still at home and homeschooled. All are boys. The 3 at home each have special needs...combinations of ADHD, bipolar disorder, Asperger's Disorder, PDD NOS (those 2 are autistic), cerebral palsy, vision problems, food allergies, skin allergies, sensory integration problems galore, each with different learning styles/abilities, the fact they are ALL BOY, a puppy, A HUSBAND and perimenopause...it is hell many days!

Mkay, feeling better now. :) And I do love my life...it just isn't a bed of roses, but it is what I choose...so I'll take back the complaints. But still, it's not easy. ;)

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I have read Lindsay's post, and I posted my own reply on my own blog.

As the parent of a special needs child, I don't think that staying at home is hard. It's a little different, yes.

What I found hard was dealing with the school system to get the services that my kid needs.

Now THAT is hard.

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For me, being a SAHM is hard because of the immense responsibility. Not only am I responsible for my child's health and wellbeing, but I also take care of just about everything in the home. The physical, mental, and emotional strain from the constant activities, worry and concern over the child's safety and happiness, dealing with temper tantrums, etc. leaves me drained. And then I also need to keep the house clean, cook all the meals, run all the errands, make all the appointments, pay the bills, manage the money, do yardwork, etc. Damn right it is hard. I feel for working mom's too because added to all of that is the responsibility of work. But I think the key difference is that work can be an escape, a source of accomplishment, and a place to socialize. Those elements are somewhat missing from my life and because of that my focus is always on the family and the home. And this focus means the weight of that immense responsibility is always on my shoulders.

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Bottom line--most moms who work full-time outside the home STILL have to do the cooking, the cleaning, and ALL the other chores/duties that SAHMs have ALL DAY to do--there is no way that any regular, run-of-the-mill SAHM can defend the position that her situation is SO MUCH harder than the working mom's situation (I say run-of-the-mill because I do have a couple of friends who are full-time SAHMs with children with special needs that I know are infinitely harder on a day-to-day basis than most). I am a teacher with summers off--I have had a blast staying with my DD these past couple of weeks--we play, sing, dance, read, cook, etc, etc, all day (hardly what I would consider to be chores) except for the two, hour and a half long naps she takes each day--that's like a 3 hour break--something I NEVER get at school. Yeah, if my financial situation were such that I could be a full-time SAHM year round, I'd JUMP at the chance--it feels like a vacation!!

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UGH! i didnt read the original posting on this subject either. i am a SINGLE DISABLED STAY AT HOME MOM.
i dont recommend ANYONE even ATTEMPT to live off what i get for disability, much less try to raise a baby.
i cant IMAGINE what its like to have to prepare meals for a husband/S.O, and cater to their demands.
im almost thankful im single.
being a SAHM is HARD. MUCH HARDER than they show on tv. at least, when youre a SAHM with no money.
sure, if i was a SAHM with a maid, a car, and money to pay my rent,sure. id be happy. as a matter of fact, id say that at that point being a SAHM is a piece of cake. but its still HARD. SAHMs of all types are doing the most important job in the world. the few years they will spend raising their children will impact the lives of countless others for the rest of that childs life.
and as for looking nice for your husband when he comes home. HELL NO. if you expect me to look all pretty after battling baby throw up, dirty diapers, running around after energetic children on less than 5 hours of sleep with sore boobs, an aching back, and likely extra baby weight, youre NUTS.

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I have a lot of respect for SAHMs because I tried it and couldn't hack it. It IS, or at least can be, a very hard job. I love my kids (ages 13, 6 and 4), but it is frustrating having to do every little itty bitty thing for them all the time. Working outside the home gives me a break from that. I actually find work to be a respite from my home life.

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I have been a SAHM and I have worked outside as well. I have been a married mother and a single mother. And I have to say, being a SAHM is definitely hard. Especially if you are doing it well. There is no question that there is difficulty in just about any situation, but that includes being a SAHM. Yes, working parents have all the household chores to do in a shorter period of time, but think about it: 2 hours worth of kids mess vs. a whole day. 3 meals worth of dishes (plus snacks) vs. 1. There is less to clean up after when your kids are in childcare. Is that difficult? Of course it's exhausting. But getting up with my children (there are 5 of them 6 and under), feeding, bathing, and dressing them, finding interesting and educational things to occupy them, and being solely responsible for teaching them everything they need to know about life and the world we live in, all while maintaining a household, marriage, and some semblance of my own identity is the absolute most difficult thig I have ever done in my life. It is also the most amazingly fulfilling and enjoyable thing I have done in my life. Do I want people to feel sorry for me because it's hard? No. Do I want people to acknowledge and *GASP* possibly respect that what I do is not only incredibly important but also very difficult, despite the fact that there is no money to be had from it? Without a doubt.

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I wrote a response to the original post at:

http://doctorjennyg.blogspot.com/2007/06/i-recently-read-blogsplosion-of.html

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