Portrait of a Working Mom: In Praise of the "Work Boyfriend"
Categories: Money & Work
Let me start off by assuring you that, as cliché as it sounds, I am a happily married woman. It just so happens that I like a healthy dose of flirtation here and there.
As many people can attest to, going to work is not always fun. Going to work 31 weeks pregnant... well that's just a pain my sciatic nerve. I need motivation to stay awake in long meetings. Some days I need an incentive just to get out of bed. The work boyfriend is the perfect solution to this. Heating things up at the office helps to ward off boredom.
Whenever I start a new job, I scope out the office for the best possible candidate. Someone who is basically attractive, witty, willing to flirt back and completely unavailable. A gay male is usually a good bet, though not usually interested in reciprocal flirtation so much as mutual admiration. (Think Clinton Kelly and Stacy London of What Not to Wear.) I find young single guys are best, because they are able to separate a bit of fun giggles and playful slaps on the arm from a downright solicitation to an affair. Plus these fresh out of college man-boys have no interest in ruining my marriage and having to take care of my child and pay my mortgage.
My husband is aware of my need for a work boyfriend. He likes to make fun of me about my crushes. The reason I tell him is simple: I have nothing to hide. It's totally innocent fun. He's more than welcome to a work girlfriend, however he works for a sports TV network -- so the ratio of men to women is not in his favour. (Aw, shucks.)
Let's be clear -- I'm not willing to throw my marriage away or do something I'd regret. I just need a little ego boost here and there. Someone to stare at during the PowerPoint presentation, or doodle little notes to in a conference. Someone to sit next to and snark with at the company dinner. Someone who reminds me that I've still got it.
Silly? Maybe, but oh so fun.
As many people can attest to, going to work is not always fun. Going to work 31 weeks pregnant... well that's just a pain my sciatic nerve. I need motivation to stay awake in long meetings. Some days I need an incentive just to get out of bed. The work boyfriend is the perfect solution to this. Heating things up at the office helps to ward off boredom.
Whenever I start a new job, I scope out the office for the best possible candidate. Someone who is basically attractive, witty, willing to flirt back and completely unavailable. A gay male is usually a good bet, though not usually interested in reciprocal flirtation so much as mutual admiration. (Think Clinton Kelly and Stacy London of What Not to Wear.) I find young single guys are best, because they are able to separate a bit of fun giggles and playful slaps on the arm from a downright solicitation to an affair. Plus these fresh out of college man-boys have no interest in ruining my marriage and having to take care of my child and pay my mortgage.
My husband is aware of my need for a work boyfriend. He likes to make fun of me about my crushes. The reason I tell him is simple: I have nothing to hide. It's totally innocent fun. He's more than welcome to a work girlfriend, however he works for a sports TV network -- so the ratio of men to women is not in his favour. (Aw, shucks.)
Let's be clear -- I'm not willing to throw my marriage away or do something I'd regret. I just need a little ego boost here and there. Someone to stare at during the PowerPoint presentation, or doodle little notes to in a conference. Someone to sit next to and snark with at the company dinner. Someone who reminds me that I've still got it.
Silly? Maybe, but oh so fun.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 16)
roxy 6-24-2007 @ 8:31PM
Ah, here's raising a cup of black coffee with a shot of espresso to Bob: my favorite former cafe customer and work boyfriend.
Alas, I work amongst women now and none are crushworthy.
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Meredith 6-24-2007 @ 8:31PM
What a great concept! The work boyfriend is just the thing to keep it interesting. I only work with women, so I'm not bringing anything to the table. But I used to tease my husband about his "work wife," a woman who used to work for him and was also his friend. Sadly, she's not with him anymore, so I hear all the stuff that he would normally talk about with her. Never bothered me in the least.
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Kristin 6-24-2007 @ 8:32PM
I work from home so work boyfriends are limited to electronic images only. Not nearly as fulfilling. :-)
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Jenny 6-25-2007 @ 12:59AM
A friend of mine always used the term "office spouse" for the person of the opposite sex who you always hang out with at the office. I had the same office spouse for years. It's just not a sexual thing; we were both single when we met (though he had a girlfriend), we went to each other's weddings, we're still in touch.
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Mammacheryl 6-25-2007 @ 12:28PM
I had an office boyfriend for several months. My husband works for the same company in the same building, so there wasn't much of a threat. I had to end it though. Even though there's no way I'd ever leave my husband or start an actual affair, I grew too attached to how I wanted my work boyfriend to feel about me. Finally had to stop flirting with him when I realized how absolutely, insanely jealous I got when I caught him flirting with other girls.
Cheryl at http://redpens-diapers.blogspot.com
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Kalli 6-28-2007 @ 8:09PM
Hmm, not always such a good idea. My dad had a work wife (his assistant) all his friends and my mom knew about her. When her husband died, my dad divorced my mom and made his "work" wife his real wife!! Dangerous game to play for many people.....
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Ke6756 6-28-2007 @ 8:11PM
You all should be ashamed.
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Stewart 6-28-2007 @ 8:12PM
you people are crazy! that's exactly what's wrong with America today. It's no surprise that the number of marriages that end in divorce is sky-rocketing!! Sheesh!
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Mary 6-29-2007 @ 10:03AM
Don't cry when it blows up in your face....this isn't a smart idea or good advice.....DO NOT follow this advice and think there will never be consequences...
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Wayne 6-28-2007 @ 8:17PM
Terrible idea.
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Fred Ferd 6-28-2007 @ 8:18PM
I NEED A LITTLE EGO BOOST... I I I I... U R Pathetic and seriously INSECURE and your husband makes fun of you to his friends as well. Maybe some of his female associates you claim he has so few of
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Becca 7-02-2007 @ 12:26PM
Not a good idea and this flirting you speak of could be considered sexual harassment by onlookers. Highly unprofessional. Save your flirting for after work hours at a social gathering. If you can't do this behavior in the public then you may want more than just a "work boyfriend".
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Lee 6-28-2007 @ 8:22PM
I think a work spouse/boyfriend is fantastic. I have one and it's a great way to begin and end your day. We are both very happily married and to our spouses but it's just nice to have a real friend at work. Someone to talk about work to and someone to sit with at lunch. Nothing sexual, only flirty, and it's wonderful!!
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DJ 6-28-2007 @ 8:23PM
Having had more than one casual office flirtations during the course of my life, I think they are a really bad idea. They make you look unprofessional, and can come back to haunt you when it's time for a promotion.
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lynze 7-24-2007 @ 11:11AM
A mental affair is just as bad as a physical one. You are shortchanging your husband or boyfriend from having this mental stimulation. Your energy should be focusing on building a better relationship mentally with your significant other. Your partner should be your best friend-not a stranger.
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David 6-28-2007 @ 8:28PM
I just did a marriage seminar for a group in panama. Emotional affairs is one of the points I included... YOU may be contend in your marriage... you have children, possessions you don't want to give up etc.. but you are definately NOT fulfilled in your marriage. Your hubby should wake up instead of playing such a dangerous game with you.
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ksj4984 6-28-2007 @ 8:37PM
LMAO, this is funny. "office boyfriends/girlfriends." Ya"ll is a trip, the only thing i can say about that is flitatious will lead up to sex and/or headaches(even if it is just fun and games) if your other half finds out,lol u got hell to pay, because there not gonna go for that. Getting free feels means u want to test that out, but it is a risk you take, so hey to each its own!
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david 6-28-2007 @ 8:35PM
Naivette and idiocy are close cousins, and this writer is giving herself a dose of inbreeding of these two traits in her career and relationship. You all know what happens when inbreeding occurs.
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dan 6-28-2007 @ 8:35PM
and that's when my wife ran off with a guy at work leaving me to raise the 3 babies alone. you are a stupid sick person if you believe having a boyfriend/girlfriend at work is ok. idiots.
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Jane 6-28-2007 @ 8:41PM
Maybe flirting is the wrong word. Sometimes people interpret being friendly as flirting. I think it's okay to have a close office friend, regardless if its a guy or girl. But I do think for some people, specifically those with marital trouble or who crave attention, it can lead to more than flirting. I think its okay if you are honest about your intentions. But if you're only happy when you see this person, and a little disappointed when you're going home, then you may be heading for trouble. A lot of people do have "affairs" without having sex.
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